13w5d
I have had heartburn at least 80% of all days for the past 10 weeks, and I'm worn down! I just want to cry in despair - I can't take it any more! But of course I can, and of course, I will.
Pregnancy isn't what I imagined it to be... blissfully rubbing a big wondrous belly. Feeling and watching the baby move. Maybe a touch of discomfort here and there. Clearly, I had an isolated moment in pregnancy planted into my mind as The Experience... and this daily reality is vastly different.
It makes me feel like a wimp, I have to say. The heartburn, the gagging and heaving, the nutritional requirements, the necessary water intake - all of this on top of physical exhaustion and a mind full of the details of a cross-country move - has me wanting to send up the white flag. But surrender to what, exactly? All of this discomfort is going to lead to bringing home two healthy babies, and that is what I've *really* been waiting for all this time. The reality of walking through this pregnancy, though, does have me a bit scared about handling twins on my own... I know that I'll have amazing support and am confident that I will find resources within myself I never knew existed, but yes, I'm scared.
Meanwhile, the spotting started up again - after 3 days of clear sailing, Monday came along and brought back the damned stuff. It's ok - it's mild and not of the type considered dangerous, but now it's 3 days of it, and it's wearing on me... just like the f*ing heartburn. I do believe it's all fine, but that doesn't mean that the occasional memory of pregnancies lost don't come creeping to mind. It just sucks. These kids have got at least 22 more weeks to cook, so they've got to behave (as does my body!) and stay put.
The (paradoxical) comfort through this is that I'm pregnant with two growing fetuses, emphasis on growing. It seems like they must be having a growth spurt because, wow, in the past several days, it seems like my tummy's bigger daily. I haven't had sister take another pic yet - sorry about that - we'll definitely celebrate hitting 14 weeks with a new one. I haven't gained any weight, but my tummy is humongous. The pants I was wearing in the last photo don't even fit any more!
So, that's where I'm at these days: burping, plagued by a burning esophagus, astonished at my belly!
Oh no! Blogger ate my comment.
ReplyDeleteBut the gist of it was that Nexium was a godsend.
I'm sorry that things are so rough, I second Mel on the drugs, get some!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I could tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn't, just hard in a different way, but almost a better way b/c you at least have the big belly and kicking babies to remind you what it's all about during the tough times!!
You are more than 1/3 of the way there, you can do it!! Okay, enough assvice!!
Hang in there. I try not to think too far ahead, or else I start to feel overwhelmed myself.
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, you know you'll endure ANYTHING to give your little buggers a shot at life, so try to just take things one day at a time.
I'll take a 14 week photo, too. We can compare. :)