holding strong

I've been thinking every day that I should post some kind of an update, and you'll all probably be happy just to know that we're all doing fine, but aside from telling you that, I have wondered how to fill the space here.

Every day in the hospital takes on a life of its own. Some days, like today, my sister or friend are with me, and it's a great distraction, even if we're doing nothing more than watching a movie. Other days, the visits are shorter, or my mood is more fragile, or it's so chaotic that I just about go out of my mind. Being in the hospital without a major injury comes with its own special kind of mental stress that I really had never considered before. This is neither a restful nor a healthy environment.

So, the good news is that we're all well. 50% of women with PROM (premature rupture of membranes) go into labor in less than a week from the time of rupture, and I have now clearly fallen on the more favorable side of those odds. Today is my 11th day in the hospital, and there is no sign of infection or fetal distress. On Thursday, I will be 30 weeks, and with each day and week that passes, the baby boys have a better and better prognosis.

The stress of being here is starting to take a toll. When I'm alone, I'm keenly aware of both my body and its many sensations and the clock on the wall. I have been feeling like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, like any of the variations in how I feel might herald the end of the pregnancy and/or danger for my babies. It doesn't help that spending 11 days "resting," plus the growth of the babies and my belly results in aches and pains heretofore not experienced. Is this back ache a sign of labor? Does the fact that they're moving less today mean they're in distress? Why do I have a headache? It's my responsibility to monitor how I feel, but all this time alone in this small room is like being trapped in a symptoms magnifier. It's mental torture. I won't even begin to tell you about the food situation. It's far too depressing.

Tomorrow I have another growth scan to measure the babies, estimate their weights, and check the fluid levels. I should have something to report then... hopefully a nice profile shot of each.

So, yeah. One month from today, August 21st, is my goal for the pregnancy. That's 29 days from today. Count it down with me, friends... one day at a time.