31 weeks!

Today marks the completion of 31 weeks!

The doctors changed my monitoring schedule this morning to two non-stress tests per day, which really just serves to increase my stress. I didn't even get a shower this morning, so please overlook the hair.

Without further ado or self-deprecation, here are the 31-week commemorative photos:

30 minutes

Every other day, I get to have someone take me out of my room in a wheelchair for a half an hour. Precious, precious time to fill my lungs and achy sinuses with fresh air. Here are some photos from Sunday, when Laurie, Korin, and daughter R were all here. Don't tell anyone I was standing!

The Thirty-First Week

Thirty weeks, two days today, and miraculously, there are not a lot of changes to report. It's been a pretty good, if busy, few days. My nurses have really been a lot of fun, and I'm feeling more secure than in my last post.

poppies from Laurie

a little pretty goes a long way

the 30-week growth scan

On Thursday, we had our latest ultrasound. It had been 3 weeks since the last one, and I was anxious to see the boys and how they were faring. Sadly, there won't be any pics to share... it's just too crowded in there. I didn't even get a clear glimpse at their profiles.

Zeus (whose membranes are ruptured) has gone from 2 pounds to 2 pounds, 12 ounces. He's just a little peanut, in the 24th percentile. I'm hoping for a little bump for him between now and the birth, since I've started taking some supplements that have been shown to enhance the function of the placenta.

Oden went from 2 pounds, 6 ounces all the way up to 3 pounds 5. A pound in 3 weeks! He's in the 50-something percentile for his size and age.

The doctors also looked at fluid levels. We clearly anticipated low fluid for Baby A, since the sack hasn't (yet) repaired itself, but there was almost nothing to measure. It shook me a little, thinking of my sweet boy tucked away in the womb, surrounded by his collapsed sack.

fancy soap, books and other distractions help!

how can Zeus continue to gestate without fluid??

There have been some questions about this, so let me address the situation to the best of my ability without turning to Dr. Google. When the bag of waters ruptures preterm (before 34 weeks), and there is no sign of infection or labor, the pregnancy is allowed to continue. If the baby/ies are past 24 weeks, their lung development is finished, although the lungs are not yet mature, and apparently the presence of amniotic fluid is most important when the lungs are still developing.

The baby/ies receive all of their nutrition, blood, and oxygen through the umbilical cord, so this is why they are monitored on a daily basis by both non-stress tests and doppler; if the umbilical cord is compressed, they will detect a deceleration of the heartbeat. If this were to happen (a prolonged decel) while I was being monitored, they would just keep us on the monitors longer to determine if the baby was in distress. Fetal distress would be one of the reasons for an immediate delivery.

So, the amniotic fluid at this gestational age is not critical to the baby's development. Because it is replenished every time the baby pees (did you know that amniotic fluid is mostly baby pee at this age??), Zeus does have increases in his fluid levels, allowing him to flex and stretch his limbs and build his muscle.

I was also told this week that babies who have been "stressed" like Zeus and even Oden have before they are born early are for the most part stronger and more resilient than preterm babies born my surprise.

things necessary for a long stay in the hospital:

good lip balm, hydration for the body and the sinuses

things to anticipate

Yesterday I had my maternity portraits done here in my hospital room. I'm really excited to see the resulting photos. That should happen sometime this week.

Tonight, my sis is coming to spend the night, which is always welcome. She went to the Portland Farmer's Market today to get the lambskin I've been wanting for the babies, so I can't wait to see that, and as an extra bonus, she'll be able to take me on a 30-minute wheelchair ride. As long as it's not too hot, we'll go out to one of the terraces that overlooks the whole city and faces Mounts Hood and St. Helen's.

Our friend Miriam just sent out a box, containing in part a belly cast kit, which we'll probably do either this week or next. I'd like to wait for for the first week in August, but if there's any indication that I could deliver next week, we'll try to get it done. She suggested that a photo be taken of the boys in the belly of the cast after they're born, and then again at a year. Sounds really cool to me, thanks Mir!

My mom is coming out a week from tomorrow for several days, so that's a major excitement. She's never been to Oregon, so although she'll be here at the hospital for much of her visit, I hope she gets to see something of this amazing and beautiful place. The same week, my friend Julie is going to be coming through, so it's going to be a ton of fun.

As for me, I have a work deadline this week, plus I'm striving to finish writing a bunch of thank you cards and get some knitting started and completed! Oh, yeah, and the small thing of keeping myself pregnant, which no doubt will involve spending most of my time lying on one side or another in bed. But we're not really thinking about that part.

In terms of hospital life, I don't think we have any special testing this week. Just keeping on keeping on is the plan.

baby-related task for tomorrow:
choose baby announcement design from Oblation and figure out wording.

holding strong

I've been thinking every day that I should post some kind of an update, and you'll all probably be happy just to know that we're all doing fine, but aside from telling you that, I have wondered how to fill the space here.

Every day in the hospital takes on a life of its own. Some days, like today, my sister or friend are with me, and it's a great distraction, even if we're doing nothing more than watching a movie. Other days, the visits are shorter, or my mood is more fragile, or it's so chaotic that I just about go out of my mind. Being in the hospital without a major injury comes with its own special kind of mental stress that I really had never considered before. This is neither a restful nor a healthy environment.

So, the good news is that we're all well. 50% of women with PROM (premature rupture of membranes) go into labor in less than a week from the time of rupture, and I have now clearly fallen on the more favorable side of those odds. Today is my 11th day in the hospital, and there is no sign of infection or fetal distress. On Thursday, I will be 30 weeks, and with each day and week that passes, the baby boys have a better and better prognosis.

The stress of being here is starting to take a toll. When I'm alone, I'm keenly aware of both my body and its many sensations and the clock on the wall. I have been feeling like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff, like any of the variations in how I feel might herald the end of the pregnancy and/or danger for my babies. It doesn't help that spending 11 days "resting," plus the growth of the babies and my belly results in aches and pains heretofore not experienced. Is this back ache a sign of labor? Does the fact that they're moving less today mean they're in distress? Why do I have a headache? It's my responsibility to monitor how I feel, but all this time alone in this small room is like being trapped in a symptoms magnifier. It's mental torture. I won't even begin to tell you about the food situation. It's far too depressing.

Tomorrow I have another growth scan to measure the babies, estimate their weights, and check the fluid levels. I should have something to report then... hopefully a nice profile shot of each.

So, yeah. One month from today, August 21st, is my goal for the pregnancy. That's 29 days from today. Count it down with me, friends... one day at a time.

the past week

from Sunday, 28w3d

refreshing shower? yes! stiff upper lip? not so much.

flowers from mom and dad

this is the printout from a non-stress test. the two lines on the top are the traces of the babies' hearts, and the line at the bottom shows any contractions of the uterus (none!)

3 belts: a fetal heart monitor for each baby, and the contraction monitor for me.

compression "boots" to avoid blood clots in the legs

hydration & communication, and rescue remedy

supportive friends.
Korin, me, my awesome nurse/friend R, and my amazing sister behind the camera.

change in plans

28 weeks and 5 days today, and let me tell you, the days themselves have never seemed so important to me. I'm going to make this post a quick one, since I've been trying to put one up for days and keep getting interrupted.

I woke up from my slumber last Thurdsay night/ Friday (28w) morning to discover that I was leaking fluids. Made my way to the hospital with Korin, and upon arriving, experienced the horrifying sensation of my bag of waters breaking, at just 28 weeks.

By the grace of God, I'm still in the hospital, carrying my two boys in the safety of the womb. Every day is a gift to them, and I am hoping to be here in the hospital until the ripe gestational age of 34 weeks (or longer). They're looking good on the daily non-stress tests, visibly practicing fetal breathing, putting on weight, and moving like crazy. Throughout this whole time, the goal will be to stave off infection so that they can stay where they are.

I'm feeling optimistic overall, and while staying in the hospital is a drag, I can honestly say that I am willing to endure any discomfort in order to get the boys to a safer age to be born. I'll try to post as often as I can, to share the positive updates and document what this process is like here in the hospital with ruptured membranes.

So, with that, I'm going to rest. See you tomorrow!

The Third Half

A couple of weeks ago, on a particular Saturday spent in the car, it dawned on me that an NPR junkie like myself should have thought to call the twins Click and Clack, rather than Zeus and Oden. Their gestational names shall remain, but I'm now taking it upon myself to call the remainder of my pregnancy The Third Half, a la the Tappert Brothers.

So here we are - 27 weeks came and went last Thursday, and I'm officially in my third trimester. The countdown reads 89 days remaining today, which somehow is completely astonishing.

The Babies

On Thursday, I went in for another ultrasound, the purpose of which was to measure the growth of the babies, the level of amniotic fluid around each, their positions, and to see how my cervix is holding out.

I'm pleased to report that we've got a 2-pounder (Zeus) and a 2# 5oz whipper snapper (Oden) in there - right on target for the exact day of gestation. As the fates would have it, they are also both head-down, which is very, very promising. Fluid levels look good, and mama's door to the baby house is still firmly shut. Praise Jesus.

Week 27: Fetal Development: Sense of Taste and Sound

Beginning at this stage of fetal development, your baby's length will be measured from top of head to toe — which makes your baby nearly a full 15 inches now. And at just over two pounds, he or she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago.

Most babies this age, yours included, still like to snuggle in a slightly curled position inside the uterus (thus the term "fetal position"). Even so, beginning at this stage, your baby's length will be measured from top of head to toe — which makes your baby nearly a full 15 inches now. And at just over two pounds, he or she has doubled in weight from four weeks ago.

Your baby's auditory development (hearing) is progressing as the network of nerves to the ears matures. And even though the sounds your baby hears are muffled (thanks to the creamy coating of vernix covering those ears), he or she may recognize both yours and your partner's voices. So this might be a good time to read and even sing to your baby (or rather, your belly) — and a good chance to start boning up on those nursery rhymes and lullabies you'll need to be repeating (and repeating) pretty soon. And while you're at it, here's another way to have some family fun: If your partner presses his ear to your belly, he might be able to hear the baby's heartbeat.

Your baby's taste buds are very developed now too (with more taste buds than he or she will ever have outside the womb, actually). Need a taste test? If you eat some spicy food (you hot mama, you), your baby will be able to taste the difference in the amniotic fluid (but keep in mind that you'll have different mealtimes, with your baby's coming about two hours after yours). Some babies will even respond to that spicy kick by hiccupping. And although hiccups (which feel like belly spasms to you) may seem like they're disturbing to your baby, he or she isn't stressed at all. It's just one more sensation that babies need to get used to.

The Mama

After witnessing my feet and ankles swell up like sausages a few days in a row this week, I had Korin bring home her BP cuff to make sure everything was still ok. Fortunately, my blood pressure is still a stellar 116/70-something, which is very encouraging, given the fact that I've been on meds for 3 years and my BP has never been so consistently low. Unfortunately, it looks like I've got 11 more weeks (more or less) of grossly oversized ankles to deal with. Oh, well... it's common enough, and at least it held off until now!

This week has also brought some new discomforts, key among which is lack of sleep. I'm averaging about 4 hours a night, with all the surrounding time in bed spent in various states of ache and pain.

On the other hand, people in public have finally started to acknowledge my pregnancy, which is a very happy thing. I don't know why it's so important to me, but I've been waiting for months for a little attention, so now that people are chatting with me, smiling at me (or gawking at me), etc, I feel, I don't know, recognized? Anyway, it's pretty fun.

The Rest

I wanted to give a little shout out to Julie - thanks for your comment last week! So cool to know you're checking in online, and I can't wait to see you!

My mom has also scheduled a visit in August - very exciting. This will be her first trip to the Pacific Northwest, and she'll get to hang out with my sister and me. I think I'm even going to leave the arranging of the baby clothes for while she's here - I have a feeling she'll like getting to see all the little outfits and put them away in the drawers of the bureau she was so concerned that I have. It'll be so much fun to have her here. It looks like we're also going to have a small birth blessing while she's visiting... I'll post details later in case you want to send along a special wish or a bead.

Well, I've been delaying this post for days in the hopes that I might have a belly photo to post with it... Laurie's coming over this afternoon, so if we happen to take one, I'll add it later.

To Do Some More

Now that I've officially completed my 26th week (yesterday), I'm feeling a little pressure to figure some things out... namely, the boys' names! Next Thursday marks the beginning of the third trimester, which means it's time to get busy! The clothes all need to be washed and organized, I have to strike some semblance of organization to my stuff that is still in boxes and now scattered between two houses, and I really must address the big decisions:

• Find a photographer
• Make schedule of visitors for post-birth
• Research pediatricians
• Finalize birth plans and back-up hospital team
• Get my teeth cleaned
• Make sure I have everything needed for at least the first 3 months (things I can anticipate needing, that is)
• Decide whether I want/ need a new camera
• Finish baby knits
  
• Make and freeze some meals
• Make arrangements for birth announcements
• Finish all work projects by end of August
• Figure out what to do about Bamboo Village Press for the summer/fall season.
  

No doubt there are 40 more things to add, but this is what comes to mind now.

I thought I'd share my short list of names... this has been HARD to generate, let me tell ya! There are a million beautiful and meaningful girl names that I've had on my list for years, but with boy names, somehow it seems much more challenging.

First Names in the Running

• Arjun (white, clear; hero from Mahabharatha)
• Aziz (beloved)
• Benjamin
• Isaac (he laughs)
• Maxwell (after W. Sutherland Maxwell)
• Oliver
• Njeru (wolf, after close friend)
• Noah (rest, comfort)
• Rowan (little red)
• Shoghi (after Shoghi Effendi)
• Sisu (tenacity of purpose)

Paired: Joseph/ Aaron (brother); Shoghi/ Maxwell

The Belly House

During the past week, I lost any arch in my back, and my ribs have definitely expanded... I think I'm going to have to get some new braziers. I'm not sure if you can see much difference between 24 week (brown shirt) and today (others), but I definitely feel one! Here's a smattering of pics for today.

"Let's call it Shirley"

Not that I should ever need a reminder to be in the moment and revel in the miracle that is this pregnancy, but that's just what I did need. Mary took the time to gently remind me of how I've yearned for being here, and I decided to take it to heart, in whatever way I can at any particular moment. Being pregnant and in transition (in more ways than one) is hard, but the challenge is readily accepted, and I wouldn't trade these aches and pains for the alternative.

It's just that a few days without sleep and with some pretty unignorable aches and pains will render even the most grateful person rather grouchy. Thinking that I have 3 more months of belly growth ahead is quite intimidating!

I'm feeling better today. Although I slept fitfully again, I did sleep, throughout the night and until 8:15, and it made a big difference in the day today. I also heeded feeling sleepy earlier than I am usually able, and rested from 1-3 this afternoon. Good thinking!

Thanks for the pep talk, Mary!

ps: 10 points if you can figure out the reference in the title... Laurie, I'll give it to you in advance, since I know you know!

25 week gripe

My blog post titles are getting so boring!

So, week 25 kicked my big, pregnant arse. I've started having pain in my mid back that, when unheeded, sends a constellation of referred pains out through my ribs and renders me speechless and triggers BH contractions. Not so much fun. It's happening more now, and daily, so it's forcing me to really reduce my time doing things like... sitting. I pretty much lost the entire week - work got put on hold, and almost all of my time not spent driving to appointments (or the beach, oops) has been spent sleeping or lying down.

I'm therefore about to turn over a new leaf, starting this weekend when I get to lounge around at K's house, or rather, in her big, glorious bathtub. I don't really plan on doing anything else besides eat, get a bunch of work done, and soak in the tub. On Tuesday, come hell or high water, I will make it to the prenatal class at the local pool. So, that's 4 out of 5 days coming that will each involve some level of weightlessness - let's hope it puts an end to this awful spasm.

Again on the physical level, I'm also now starting to enjoy some lax ligaments, which has resulted in near nightly slight dislocations of my right collarbone, since that's the side I sleep on. I can pop it back myself, but it's getting pretty sore.... like I needed another sleep discomfort!

What else happened this week? Well, I posted about out outings last Saturday, and Laurie covered our trip to the beach... in between those things, I've been sleeping. Today, I had a whole day of chores: I picked up my twin nursing pillow this morning, then had appointments with the midwives and my lovely chiropractor, where I also got to pick up my new temperpedic neck pillow.

The meeting with the midwives was cool. I didn't expect the three of them to all be there, but it was nice to meet them all again. Interestingly, this was the first time in all these weeks that a health care practitioner has actually put their hands on my belly to feel the babies - it was very satisfying and certainly makes it all feel much more... palpable that there are real babies growing in there. It grounded me in my belly, somehow. We got to listen to their perfect hearts beating and chat about how in the weeks to come their positions will become much more obvious as the space in there is diminished. My blood pressure is really, really good (low for me, yay!) at 110/72, and according to their scale, I actually lost a pound (boo!). They weren't concerned about that, since we're looking for a trend instead of specific numbers, but damn.... it seemed like another manifestation of this all-consuming exhaustion. All told, I've gained 28 pounds, so I'm projecting that my total weight gain for the pregnancy will be 40-50 pounds - hopefully on the high end. It's very strange to be aiming for that higher number!

Sorry there's no 25w photo today... we'll try to get one tomorrow. I am really just way too tired.

So to sum up: babies are great, mama is tired and sore, but healthy.

Two more weeks and I'll be in my third trimester! Now how do you like them apples?

Six Months

A lot has changed in the past 24 weeks... starting of course with what may prove to be my last ever trip to a fertility clinic on cycle day 3... 12/31/07. There was doubt about the viability of this pregnancy (when my HcG numbers didn't double "properly") and the mystery of how many babies were growing in there (first ultrasound showed only one!). I've changed my professional work, completed my first year as an owner of a small business and charitable organization, packed my apartment and moved clear across the country. I've gone from someone who had been in state of longing for children since she was 17 and working in a Brazilian orphanage, to someone preparing to be the mother of two boys - all at once.

7 week ultrasound showing twins!

11 weeks pregnant

24 weeks pregnant - shirt no longer covers the belly!

Today marks the beginning of viability for the twins outside the womb. Don't get me wrong - I have every intention of keeping them in place for another 14 weeks or so; it's just that this milestone is a big one for multiples. From now on, they'll be gaining weight rapidly, maturing their lungs, and continuing to develop their muscles with their aqua-calisthenics. By 4 weeks from now, my belly will be the same size as a full term singleton preggo's belly.

I'm still writing out my thank you notes from the shower, but at the same time, I'm thinking about scheduling my portrait session (must do something about this awful hair before then), looking at options for birth announcements, and trolling craigslist for things like cosleepers, strollers, and other accouterments that will be necessary for their first few months. Looking at the ultrasound pics from last week, I can see for the first time how different Zeus and Oden's profiles are, and it's gotten me to imagining what they'll look like, how their temperaments will be... It's all starting to get very real and exciting.

Here's hoping the next 3 months are as good - or better - than the last 6!

23 weeks!

With only one more week to go until the boundary of viability outside the womb (forgive the cheesy reference - all the others that came up quickly were about abortion!), things are going well! The boys are became more active in the past week... or at least I became more able to perceive their activity! Now I can feel them both moving and kicking and poking at the same time, making it so that sometimes I can have my hands on both sides of the bump and feel them. It's such a reassuring, wonderful sensation. I still feel confident that they'll stay put well into the upper 30-weeks.

Tomorrow I'm meeting again with MFM at OHSU. They're repeating the high level ultrasound first, which should take about 90 minutes. They claim they have a 4D ultrasound, which while I was on the Cape, I was told didn't even exist... so I'm curious to see what we're going to see on the screen. I have a feeling Zeus (A) is still head-down - I think I feel his hands right at the base of my uterus and his feet up top, while Oden (B) is perhaps head-down along my right side. I feel his feet more on the side... or maybe it's his hands. At any rate, I'm curious to see how they're positioned now.

As for me, the past week was more comfortable than the previous. I think I got used to the expanded size - it's now easier to turn over in bed. I am not, however, able to stay on my back for very long anymore. The boys seem to put more pressure on my diaphragm, making me feel pretty breathless. When I lay on my sides, the boy on the bottom frequently pushes out against the pressure beneath him... it's pretty cool. Heartburn continues to be an issue, and I'm getting a new round of nausea. Fortunately, being treated by a very able chiropractor is helping a lot - especially my hips... Thanks Korin!

And now, without further ado: my 23w belly -

sore 'n' grumpy

No, these aren't replacement names for the babies, it's just the day I'm having today. How is it that every 2 or 3 days I feel like a completely different physical being? Oh my, it's just too fast to adjust to! I'm going to start going to the pool this week (in between all the other stuff I have to get done, plus sleeping whenever I possibly can), but for now, I feel awful!

First of all, I'm having a hard time sleeping. I think I've got to get to the store and get some kind of mattress pad, but sleeping on a twin mattress as I am is for the birds... or at the very least for children and very thin adults. My hips get sore after about a half an hour, my arms fall asleep, my ribs (now it's really my ribs) ache incessantly.

When not considering nighttime ailments, it is the progression of the day that literally weighs on me. By the end of the day, I'm out of breath all the time, my ribs are in constant pain, and my back cries out for me to lie down flat... but when I do so, getting back on my feet is a challenge, and then my hips hurt so much it makes me limp. Fun, right? No f*ing wonder I'm grumpy!

On the very bright side, my two boys are bringing me delight with their now-frequent movement. The roll and kick - a few days ago, Laurie got to be the first person to feel them move from the outside (beside me, of course). I have to admit being rather selfish with my hands-on-belly time... it's just so amazing to feel them inside and out, and with all the other challenges this pregnancy has brought, it's something to celebrate and relish.

Tomorrow (Thursday) is my new turn-over day, as the doc here recalculated my due date for 10/2, rather than 10/3. So, I'll get Laurie to take a new side-view photo to acknowledge completing 22 weeks.

Arrived!

I'm in Portland!

There won't be any new pictures in this post, but hey, I've finally broken my Internet silence, so I've got to pace myself.

I'm now 20w2d - a number I really couldn't have ever imagined reaching before. It's amazing to think that in just 16 weeks (plus or minus), I could be meeting my babies! Right now, the belly growth is really starting to accelerate, and I'm having a hard time imagining how big I'll actually be in 4 months! It's getting hard to turn over at night, and when I lie on my back for too long, I get up and am surprised at how sore my hips are! Time to start swimming, I think.

The big announcement, which I'd wanted to make in conjunction with some photos, is that I'm having two sweet boys! That's right, these fraternal twins took the word literally and decided to show up as brothers. I'm excited for them that they'll have each other through their lives, and I'll just have to raise them in the Confucian tradition and train them to take care of their mama when they get older, lol.


I wanted to take a minute and thank my friends for their concerned inquiries about Daniel's family in Chengdu, Sichuan. So far, we've accounted for everyone in Chengdu and in the village (Nanchong County), but we haven't reached Zhang Lin's family yet to hear that she's safe. She's in school up in the mountains, and of course we're hoping for an eventual report of her safety.

We've both been very moved by the events in Sichuan - Daniel's home province and the place I feel most connected to in China. He's actually going to be there for 3 weeks next month, and hopes to be able to help in some of the work there. I do know that Mercy Corps is supporting the relief efforts in Sichuan - here's the link in case you've been wondering how to help.

Finally, Laurie and her friend Phil are making good progress in their cross-country trip. If you didn't know, Laurie's my sister, and she's moving out here, too - she & Phil are driving my car and a bunch of our stuff out for me, since I was too pregnant (and ailing with this stupid gallstone) to drive. You can follow their trip on her blog and soon she'll also be posting on Travels with Swatchy.

still a mystery

Today was my last appointment in PA with Maternal and Fetal Medicine. As long as everything remains calm, I won't be seen again until I'm in Portland in May - about a month from now. I wish we'd gotten do have a more detailed ultrasound today, but I was glad to at least have the brief check from the lame office machine.

The babies are both doing fine - the doc didn't take any measurements today, just checked in to see their hearts beating. She was showing a resident from neonatology around preggo land, so she was very quick and to-the-point with the scan.

Even though I asked, she couldn't see clearly enough to tell me the sex of the babies. Wah! I was totally wishing today was the day, but in the end, all I really wanted to know was that they are healthy and kicking around in there, which they are. I'm still not feeling them regularly - the last time I really felt them for sure was last Wednesday!

So, all is well. Sister and I are packing as much as we can - I'm suffering from some terrible pain in my ribs as they are forced to stretch, and that's kept me from as much moving as is really required right now. I just keep telling myself that somehow this will all come together by the end of the week. I know if my body is experiencing pain or exhaustion, it's my job to heed the message, and that I'm lucky to be free to move about at all, given the multiple risks I've got going on.

I imagine this will probably be the last post until next week - perhaps we'll manage a 17-week photo this weekend, but it's gonna be pretty crazy around here!

After another insomniatic night, I'm officially nackered. Is this practice for sleepless nights to come? I have no idea, but this mama can't do without her sleep these days. Between the energy required to grow these babies and to keep my mind from entering the terrain of doom and gloom, plus go to work and try to have some useful thoughts while there, I've got little to spare.

The apartment is a disaster, laundry is long overdue, and packing, which really needs to be completed by 4/20, is languishing. I think I'll go to bed early tonight, sleep in tomorrow and then make a big push to get the packing reorganized and ready to go. I've decided to ship everything instead of renting the u-haul hitch, and that means I've got to re-pack everything I'd already done, transferring stuff from plastic tubs to cardboard boxes.

So, today marks fifteen weeks. Another week into the second trimester, only 9 more weeks until that blessed 24-week mark of viability outside the womb, and 23 more weeks to my hoped-for 38-week delivery of two healthy babies. 14 was an eventful week - feeling them move is very cool and incredibly reassuring. It's still not all the time, but now that I've felt it, I know there's more to come. I probably also mentioned that I'm still spotting, but I'm hopeful that it'll stop over the weekend, as it's been slowing down a bit. Aside from that, my sister says I'm looking even more pregnant, which I thought was funny, since just this morning I was thinking I look pretty much the same. I'll take her word for it!

What's been surprising about being pregnant is how it has brought me within myself - I find myself wanting to be solo and very quiet. Not at all how I thought I'd feel. Maybe it'll be different after the move is over and I have a sense of what's next. For now, I spend a lot of time with my hands on my belly, trying to stay awake, trying to eat, eat, eat. For tonight, hopefully I will spend my time sleeping peacefully, all the way to morning.

relief & new docs

Ah, Fridays. I like hitting the new mark - it's an awesome feeling to reach another week in the pregnancy. With my past experience of first trimester losses, every week is a gift. Today marks THIRTEEN WEEKS - I think this means I'm officially in the second trimester.

I really debated whether or not to write the scary stuff in this blog. I have found the records kept by other pregnant women, especially those with twins, to be so informative and helpful, so I'm just going to tell it like it is.

Week 12 kicked me to the curb. On Tuesday, I had a very scary bleeding episode, which now, three days later, is resolved. Even knowing as much as I do about normal bleeding during pregnancy, it was a terrible, terrible time. I spent three days on the couch (and doctor's offices), missed those days of work, and finally returned to work today.

I did get to see the twins on ultrasound twice, and they're looking perfect. Twin A's placenta, however, has taken up residence right over my cervix, which is called a complete placenta previa. This early in pregnancy, it's a concern, but not as serious as it would be at the end of pregnancy. The likelihood is that, as my uterus grows, it will lift the placenta off the cervix. This was the only explanation they could come up with for the bleeding.

Because of all this hubbub, I was also (finally) seen by an OB - in fact, I went into the city on Wednesday to meet the high-risk pregnancy team. Fortunately or unfortunately, they are not going to discharge me back to a regular obstetrician, as I have several issues that qualify me as high risk: a multiple pregnancy, a genetic condition called osteogenesis imperfecta (type 1), hypertension, and a history of pelvic fracture (which doesn't appear to be problematic). Shoot, hearing them list this stuff out (and some other things), I actually felt sort of judged for even getting pregnant. I know they didn't mean it that way, but actually, I'm pretty healthy, so it was kind of shocking to be treated as such a serious case.

I was also pretty shocked when the resident sat down to do my intake, and told me that I'd be having a c-section. I think I shocked her back by saying that wasn't really in my plan... Anyway, after talking for a while, they said it was a good thing I was moving to Oregon, because, in her words "they're a little more crunchy out there, and might consider a vaginal delivery." For crying out loud, can you imagine if I was staying here? Not even having the OPTION of a vaginal birth? I mean, I get the risks, and I won't compromise the babies' health, but if the stars align properly, then a regular delivery IS the best option for the health of the babies.

Ok let's move on from that malarkey. The good news this week is that I can now totally feel my uterus! It's SO COOL. The top of it is now right under my belly button, so I expect that my whole belly look will really start to change in the next few weeks.

Next up: 13-week belly pics to be posted this weekend! Woo-hoo!

Happy New Year, babies!

Yesterday was a special day in the faith I was raised in - Baha'is around the world celebrated Naw-Ruz, marking our new year. Here in Pennsylvania, spring is here in it's early red glow, and the days have been that typical spring mix of rain, wind, and bright, warm sun. It's wonderful.

To make the celebration even more special, yesterday also also marked the 12th week of my pregnancy, a milestone I used to dream of. Here's a little info on what's happening for the two little residents, taken from here:

At 12 weeks pregnant your baby will look like a tiny human being. It is about 6cm long and weighs about 15g. It has arms and legs with fingers and toes and more defined facial features. The body is straighter and the first bone tissue appears.

The face is formed with a chin, high forehead and small button nose. The eyes are developed and although they are shut tight with sealed eyelids, they now show reflexive movements. The ears are visible but are still small.

The tiny brain is now forming neural pathways and the fetus is starting to squirm around, although you can't feel it yet because there is still a high proportion of amniotic fluid all around it.

The arms and legs can move freely and if you have a scan at this stage you may see them moving, which is really exciting! The skin is still permeable to amniotic fluid. The nails on the fingers and toes are starting to grow and if the palm is touched, the fingers will curl.

At around 12 weeks the placenta has achieved its final shape and takes over from the yolk sac to become the baby’s life support system. The placenta is much larger than the baby at this stage. After its initial rapid enlargement the placenta grows slowly and by the time the baby is born it will weigh about one sixth of the baby’s weight.

11w4d

At work, Joan always rolls her eyes when I talk about my pregnancy in weeks... "Back in my day, it was all months," she says. Well, here we are, and I'm going to track things in weeks. Since I imagine a lot of people reading could be my family, I'm assuming many of you won't know the common abbreviations, so I'll try to put them in. Just remind me if I start speaking in Internet, k?

So, today I'm 11 weeks, 4 days into my pregnancy... as of Friday, I'll be 1/3 of the way through a term twin pregnancy (36w). I'm aiming for 38 weeks, which would mean the twins could arrive around the autumnal equinox. That would be pretty cool I think, and it would also mean that the three of us remained super healthy to stay gestating until that point.

here I am today... starting to look pregnant!

Last Thursday, I had my final appointment with my RE (reproductive endocrinologist) - the woman who I like to say got me pregnant... ;o) My sister Laurie came with me for the ultrasound and shot a little video of the babies. Baby A was squirming about, and because of the angle, we got to see arms, legs, knees... it was really miraculous. Baby B was quietly resting, and we saw her/his profile, so that meant we saw the nose, the forehead, the chin... and eventually (later in the ultrasound) we saw the umbilical cord, and s/he flipped over. It was so amazing to have someone there with me... it made it that much more real to share the experience with someone.

Here's the video:


Finally, here's my first side-view belly pic... I'm still feeling a little weird about posting photos of my belly... normally I'm a little self conscious of the extra padding, but since twin pregnancy seems to boil down to eating, eating, eating, I figure I'd better get used to feeling fluffy. Things certainly have changed, though, so here you have it: