little convos

Months ago, we were listening to Max chit chat with his toy animals - he especially liked "ssshhhh, sweepy-time." Now Shoghi is starting little conversations with his toys, and man, it's just re-melting my heart. I really am loving this age - so much is opening up in their little brains!

outside!

The weather here has been so nice recently. After being bound to the inside walls of the house for about 6 weeks in November and December due to rain, we've been thrilled to open the back door again and let the boys loose on the yard.

A couple of days ago, Shoghi even pronounced his first word with two different syllables: outside. It was so exciting for him and us! He is also signing the same word in this video:

messfast

This right here is why we have eggs for breakfast almost every day. Max is a very, very messy eater. It's really a full body experience for him.

While we're on the topic of breakfast, it took me a while to figure it out, but Max's word for eggs is "wee". Very cute.

On this particular morning, we were having cream of wheat with chopped dates and raspberries. Yummy in the mouth, pretty disgusting all over a squirmy toddler. You know this is why I have to drink so much coffee, right?

mid-way through breakfast...


and here at the end... (he's talking about Auntie leaving for work)

monster mash

Get ready, folks. Compliments of dear Whitney:

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peek-a-you!

I've been loving watching the boys learn to engage each other!

tunnel fun

This play tunnel is a current favorite - the boys crawl in and out of it, play peek-a-boo, and sit in there together and laugh. Fun!

berry boys

I've been meaning for days to post these videos for my folks, who were ga-ga over the berry photos.

words, muscles, and messes

Here's another highlights post - happenings from the past week or so:

There's been a lot of fun and laughter around these parts as the boys play with each other more and more. I remember those days of wondering when Shoghi would even begin to smile - Max smiled so much earlier. Now Shoghi is our laughing, squealing boy, full of vivacious, high energy, while Max is full of good cheer, loves to be tickled, and giggles for his "bra-bra".

the twinnies received their first First Birthday gifts - hank knit sweaters from Auntie Knittah!
They have no idea how lucky they are!

Here's Shoghi looking rather cheeky...

***

Max's language skills are improving by the day.
He can say mama, no, more, brother, and done, and he signs hi and more!
Looks like Auntie might be the next word, just in time for her birthday...

Fun with Food!

I decided to let the boys have at it, and defrosted some raspberries and marionberries.
What a hit, but what a mess! Thankfully it was warm - after it was all said and done, I plopped them into the kiddie pool to get cleaned off.

Shoghi looking a little dazed...

Max definitely got more on his lap than in his mouth!

***
Finally, yesterday Max surprised me by pulling up to standing! Since he's not truly crawling, hasn't figured out how to push into a sitting position from his tummy, and wasn't doing the kind of acrobatics Shoghi was when he stood, I really didn't even see it coming!

best foot (or hand) forward

Max has started crawling! Well, actually, he's scooting forward, but what progress! These kids are so different in their acquisition of skills, and it makes things very interesting. I love watching them each unfold in his own way. I posted about Shoghi crawling way back in March! But, of course, Max has been busy developing his linguistic talents, while Shoghi is just beginning to experiment with new consonant sounds.


Anyway, without further ado, here's Max. Korin let us borrow a play tunnel, and as I suspected, my fort-loving son used this as the setting for his first crawl:

more and more again

Life sure does feel abundant right now... very full. After a hard week of disturbed sleep, Shoghi and Maxwell both have two new teeth to show for it bringing them each to four. Max has the two bottom middles and his two top incisors, and Shoghi has his bottom and top middle two. Not only that, but it's been a huge week of firsts! Here are some of them:

• First time playing in a pool!
  
• First trip to the zoo! We went with Ruby and Korin just today.
  
• First sunglasses!
• First eggs, turkey, spaghetti squash (not such a hit), and Cheerios!
  
• First restaurant experience, involving first congee and some chow fun noodles, and a million laughs!

Max kept making this funny face upon tasting the congee!
It was so bland (just rice porriage), I still can't figure out what all that was about!

Shoghi sitting up in the highchair at the table.

• First time the boys have laughed at each other!

and two events that really require much fanfare and celebration:

Shoghi pulled up to standing and Max started saying "Mama." My heart leaps for each of them - their new accomplishments are so aligned with their individual proclivities, and it's such a complete wonder to see them take those next steps. Shoghi takes such delight in his physicality - when he stood up, he laughed with glee! How lucky Laurie and I both were to be here for it.

Truly, hearing Max say "Mama" when I walked into the room yesterday was one of the most significant moments of my life... he does say "mamama" to convey a lot of meaning (mostly desperate desire), but when he says it to mean me, it is clear. And wonderful. And miraculous. I suspect that some version of "Auntie" and "brother" are likely on their way.

Video coming soon.

disembarking

Quickly today (because you know it's going to take 10 hours to upload this video) - here is a video of Shoghi showing off his superb physical proclivity. It's a little long, but worth it in the end (at least I think so!). I have to keep the family happily checking in on the boys' progress, you know!

Enjoy!

processing

It occurs to me, having had now a few hours of sleep, that as things change, I may always find them challenging. Last night, I read back to the days of my pregnancy and having the boys in the NICU, and thought that of course those times were pretty darned hard. I don't want to be the kind of person who is always talking about how hard it is... I mean, it sort of goes without saying, right? It's the nature of life, and all. People parent in all sorts of situations that challenge them to the core, and I'm just one of them. I'm dealing with lack of sleep, and some fussiness that is certainly within the realm of normal. Sure, that's hard to remain present to in the moment, but it's true, and I have to somehow honor people who are truly enduring hardship by rising to this task. Sisu, Tanja reminded me, is a quality to call upon: tenacity of purpose. Sisu helped me to persevere to become a mother, and it will help me also to be the kind of mother I want to be.

While I attend to my attitude, you can enjoy a couple of little videos I promised my parents I'd upload.

Max rolling over:


Shoghi & Max chatting it up:

scowl

some days, you just wish to be able to hit a reset button. i'll admit it - i'm having a tough week. so many thing have gone wrong, i've lost track. teething is here in full force, bringing with it ceaseless whining and crying. my bank account where i have all my savings has been frozen, presumably because they've had a security breach with their cards. i won't know what happened until tuesday, but it's leaving me fearful that all my money is somehow gone. sleep has been awful. i'm a grouchy, panicy mess.

good thing we firgured out that the boys both really like to roll around in the n*de. also good thing that these kids are so cute, and that they laugh once in a while. after playing like this for a half hour last night, sister and i stuck them both in the sink for a bath. the things we'll do for 10 minutes of peace, i tell you.

rolling around on the floor

so thankful for this swing from eliz!

a new napping spot is well appreciated.

exersaucer? yes, please.

max takes a spin in our new toy.

shoghi and his tricks.

um, LOL

Hapy New Year!

Well, 2008 will have to go down as my best year yet. On January 10th, the boys were conceived, and of course on August 8th, they came into the world. I moved from Pennsylvania to Oregon, spent many weeks visiting family in Massachusetts, and was the grateful recipient of outpourings of love and generosity that defy description. The boys were born early, but have no lasting problems from their prematurity.

Here's to a wonderful year, and an even better one to come. So much gratitude!!

Oh, and by the way, Shoghi and Maxwell both started laughing this week!! Max on 12/26 (for me!) and Shoghi on 12/28 (for Memere). It's still something that only happens once or twice a day (despite much encouragement), so when it's more regular, I'll definitely post a video. It's completely delightful and miraculous.

And here are some little videos, taken since we arrived here in MA.

"you don't look at me, i don't look at you" - a game shog plays with popi whenever he's on his lap.


uh, oh... you know what this means...


max's funny new sound

answers and photos

thanks for the emails & comments on that last post!! they all mean so much to me. here's an attempt at responding to some:

CNH - hi Chantel! I've been watching your blog w/rapt interest!! I can't believe your LOs are scooting around already. That prayer is excerpted from a prayer here... I'm sure quoting it is fine - I forgot to source it when I posted. I'd love to read your take on it, given the differences in our situations. Thanks to Jennie for posting the link.

MKW emailed me w/ this empathetic thought: As for full-time nursing and cloth diapers... I hope you not setting the bar too high that failure, of some sort, is immanent. And you're left feeling depressed, and frazzled to the bone and defeated. I fully believe in nursing and did both boys for about 7 mos., but I also knew I was a better mom for being able to bottle/formula supplement and leave them and regroup with time out with J or friends and come back to them anew. Full-time nursing is a draining anchor. And yes, it's great for the babies, but you need to watch yourself along the way and protect your sanity, because THAT'S what will be best for the babies and you. You will be close and loved by them because of who you are, how much you wanted them in your life and how much you love them everyday, they'll never measure your love by whether or not you used disposable diapers, bottles, or breastfed them every meal. Choose your battles... and in this case how much you're weighing down an already very demanding daily job of love.

I wanted to share this with you all because this is something I think and talk about often. And I agree with what you wrote, M.

I am using cloth diapers part time - mostly during the day. I think w/ the next size of diapers, I'll be able to use them at night, too, but really, I don't push myself on this subject. Right now, K is doing virtually all of our laundry, and I just don't know how it will be when I'm doing it myself. I plan to do it as I can and won't worry about it when I can't. I'll be using prefolds during the day only, and fuzzybuns as much as possible, for those who are interested in knowing. ;o)

As far as breastfeeding goes, I persevere because I can, and because I simply want to. I want that relationship with them both. I want that nutrition and all those benefits for them... but don't think that I am going to play hardball w/this either. Anyone who knows me will know that I'm just not an all-or-nothing person, sometimes to a fault. In this case it just means that I'm going to continue to perservere and see how close to exclusive I can get in nursing. I'd like to know that my supply is sufficient to feed them both, but given the demands of twins, I'm pretty sure that I'll always be ok with offering the occasional bottle. And if I get to a point where I feel like my supply is good enough without being 100%, I'm ok with that too. I just feel like, for now, I'm on the path, and I'm ok with this being a process.

A while ago, Megan asked me in comments about the amount of supplement I am giving the boys. I responded there, but I wonder if she checked in. I just wanted to make sure that you know your question wasn't ignored. This week, I think I'm down to about 22oz a day, combined. Still a long way to go.

Finally, thx to Maylily for the email & all you others who send love & encouragement... Your words make this easier.

Here, some new pix - all by Amy - & a video of Shoghi finally having some happy time:

happy awake time

at 6 weeks adjusted age, we're finally getting some consistent happy awake time. here's max, cooing away a couple days ago.

for C, S and B; Seth and Kevin!

here's a little post for my favorite blog readers!

some recent photos

a video of shoghi, rolling over!

coping and twin access

Deeeeeeep breath. We're on day 3 of our first colds. It's a minor one, but as with everything with twins, it's proving to be more work, more intense, than I could have imagined. The boys are upset by their inability to breathe (who wouldn't be?), and need to be held and snuggled... which isn't easy for one person to do, particularly when that one person also feels like crap. Fortunately, Laurie's here today, so she's cuddling Max now as I nurse Shoghi.

When I'm alone, there are times I just need to stand back and take a deep breath, especially when they are both screaming at the same time. It's just not safe to pick them both up, and how do I choose one over the other? I just lean in really close and talk to them until I've got my wits about me and can figure out how to help them. Here's a video of both boys crying - I know it might seem cruel to capture this, but hey, it's a big part of parenting babies, and even more so, parenting twins. You've got to have a strong stomach for tears, I tell you. I'm wide open for suggestions & tips, so feel free to leave some in the comments!!



Here are some of the things that are becoming my top coping mechanisms:

1. tandem nursing. i've done it 3 times now by myself... hopefully this will become the standard for feedings, but that's a ways off still.
2. hulu.com. perfect for night time feedings, when i need something to keep me awake and i'm between netflicks disks. i've been watching bones. thanks to ben for the recommendation!
3. pandora.com. the boys love music, and this cool site hits the spot for them and me. Laurie swears that Max is a sucker for a little James Taylor. iTunes' new genius feature works similarly and is brilliant.
4. brownie and a glass of milk. need i say more? sometimes comfort food is the only remedy

Admittedly, "coping" implies hard times... and yes, caring for these boys is hard - harder than I imagined, and I have years and years of childcare experience. Having cared for only Max while Shoghi was in the hospital, I can say definitively that taking care of one baby is many times easier than caring for two. At the same time, though, I have to remind myself that I am living my dream right now - in many ways it's better than I ever imagined.

We all marvel over just how different the boys are, and how much fun it is to be able to discover each of them. I am so enjoying this fleeting time when they are still so tiny - even though Max is over 8 pounds now, he and Shoghi are still just wee little peanuts, so fragile, so physically moldable... they just melt their little bodies into balls of baby and it's pure delight. I have to remind myself that just a few weeks ago, when Max was hitting 6 pounds like Shoghi is now, we all thought he was so big... when in fact, he was (and is) still so tiny. I want to be really present to both of them, because even for their obvious differences, they are still absolutely tiny, perfect babies... and changing before my very eyes.

They're starting to really respond to me, which is so special. They seek me out with their eyes when they hear my voice; they seem to hold me, somehow, when I pick them up. They curl into my arms when we nap together, and calm down when I try to talk them down from their sometimes desperate crying... even if it's only temporary, it makes me feel like they really do know I'm here for them, striving with everything I have to make their experience of this physical life easier in any way I can. They obviously love nursing. It's an organic experience of love and dependency like I've never had before, and it's so much more than I could have imagined.

So, even while the hardship of this time is prominent and probably comes out more in my recording of this experience, the foundation for it all is blissful and wonderous.

***

A little shout out to my uncles - Hi Donald & Paul!! There are new pictures in my photostream on flickr - I often upload new ones without blogging them, so you can check there if you're looking for your twin fix! there's a link to flickr on the right sidebar in this blog, or you can bookmark it here. I do post family/friends only pics too, so you'll need to create an account and add me as a contact if you want to see those. I also upload some videos to youtube that I don't blog, like the next one of Max, yawning in the sun. You can find my videos here. :o)

little vid