coping and twin access

Deeeeeeep breath. We're on day 3 of our first colds. It's a minor one, but as with everything with twins, it's proving to be more work, more intense, than I could have imagined. The boys are upset by their inability to breathe (who wouldn't be?), and need to be held and snuggled... which isn't easy for one person to do, particularly when that one person also feels like crap. Fortunately, Laurie's here today, so she's cuddling Max now as I nurse Shoghi.

When I'm alone, there are times I just need to stand back and take a deep breath, especially when they are both screaming at the same time. It's just not safe to pick them both up, and how do I choose one over the other? I just lean in really close and talk to them until I've got my wits about me and can figure out how to help them. Here's a video of both boys crying - I know it might seem cruel to capture this, but hey, it's a big part of parenting babies, and even more so, parenting twins. You've got to have a strong stomach for tears, I tell you. I'm wide open for suggestions & tips, so feel free to leave some in the comments!!



Here are some of the things that are becoming my top coping mechanisms:

1. tandem nursing. i've done it 3 times now by myself... hopefully this will become the standard for feedings, but that's a ways off still.
2. hulu.com. perfect for night time feedings, when i need something to keep me awake and i'm between netflicks disks. i've been watching bones. thanks to ben for the recommendation!
3. pandora.com. the boys love music, and this cool site hits the spot for them and me. Laurie swears that Max is a sucker for a little James Taylor. iTunes' new genius feature works similarly and is brilliant.
4. brownie and a glass of milk. need i say more? sometimes comfort food is the only remedy

Admittedly, "coping" implies hard times... and yes, caring for these boys is hard - harder than I imagined, and I have years and years of childcare experience. Having cared for only Max while Shoghi was in the hospital, I can say definitively that taking care of one baby is many times easier than caring for two. At the same time, though, I have to remind myself that I am living my dream right now - in many ways it's better than I ever imagined.

We all marvel over just how different the boys are, and how much fun it is to be able to discover each of them. I am so enjoying this fleeting time when they are still so tiny - even though Max is over 8 pounds now, he and Shoghi are still just wee little peanuts, so fragile, so physically moldable... they just melt their little bodies into balls of baby and it's pure delight. I have to remind myself that just a few weeks ago, when Max was hitting 6 pounds like Shoghi is now, we all thought he was so big... when in fact, he was (and is) still so tiny. I want to be really present to both of them, because even for their obvious differences, they are still absolutely tiny, perfect babies... and changing before my very eyes.

They're starting to really respond to me, which is so special. They seek me out with their eyes when they hear my voice; they seem to hold me, somehow, when I pick them up. They curl into my arms when we nap together, and calm down when I try to talk them down from their sometimes desperate crying... even if it's only temporary, it makes me feel like they really do know I'm here for them, striving with everything I have to make their experience of this physical life easier in any way I can. They obviously love nursing. It's an organic experience of love and dependency like I've never had before, and it's so much more than I could have imagined.

So, even while the hardship of this time is prominent and probably comes out more in my recording of this experience, the foundation for it all is blissful and wonderous.

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A little shout out to my uncles - Hi Donald & Paul!! There are new pictures in my photostream on flickr - I often upload new ones without blogging them, so you can check there if you're looking for your twin fix! there's a link to flickr on the right sidebar in this blog, or you can bookmark it here. I do post family/friends only pics too, so you'll need to create an account and add me as a contact if you want to see those. I also upload some videos to youtube that I don't blog, like the next one of Max, yawning in the sun. You can find my videos here. :o)