back to the hospital

A very brief post today - I'm sorry I haven't been able to post in the past week - I simply haven't been able to sit and type. I wish I had, since this time passes so quickly. It's amazing to have the boys at home... in the whole range of amazement. One of the NICU nurses told me that twins does not equal twice the work, but instead an exponentially greater amount of work, and wow, he was right.

Sadly, I only know this because this morning finds me sitting at my computer with only one baby at home. Yesterday, I had to take Shoghi back tot he NICU for observation. During the week he was home, he developed reflux that presented itself as some very serious choking incidents where I had to revive him - three times in 5 days. I really cannot describe how horrific it is to watch a tiny, 5-pound baby lose his life energy before your trembling hands and heart. Armed with only intense love and a bulb syringe, there was more than one moment this week when I wondered if I was going to be able to save him. :shuddering sigh:

Since there are some other mamas expecting little babies soon who are reading, I will recommend the following:

1) have a bulb syringe in every sleeping area, including carseat and bouncy seat. You might never use it, but when you need it, you need it IMMEDIATELY. You might also ask one of your care providers to help you get comfortable with when and how to use it. It was a huge help that I had asked to be walked through it a few times before coming home.

2) if you've taken infant CPR, also ask your care provider to talk with you about steps BEFORE you start CPR.

i think i had more in mind, but that's all i can think of for now.

i also have to say, after a week of doing it, i cannot imagine actually CHOSING to use bottles. what a huge amount of work it is, pumping, mixing formula, fixing bottles, washing, and bearing with crying babies as you wait for the milk to slowly, slowly warm. how much easier, neater, and more satisfying nursing is. i can't wait until we can ditch the bottles.

finally, if you twin mamas can line up family/friends/professionals to take care of you when your babies arrive, do so. i am learning to not feel guilty about korin and laurie (and ryan, and ruby, and all the belpved people cooking for us) stepping in and taking care of things for me. it's also important that they be able to percieve what needs doing and just shoo you out of the way, hand you food and water and meds/herbs/etc, take a baby for burping or changing, do some laundry, etc. it is the only way to survive.

anyway, as you can see, it's been a week of learining, bonding, loving, receiving, protecting, and surviving. i'm sorry for not posting more - you've all been on my mind as the days pass, and i wish i could give you more of a window into this little life.

sending my unbounded love back to you all, and thank you for your comments, emails, messages... i have received them all with joy and gratitude,and for the record, my lack of response is only reflective of caring for twins.

hopefully more soon - if there's no news for a few days, just assume that all is progressing without danger or incident. i will let you know when little shoghurt comes home.