happenings

another set of crazy weeks, complete with household economic disaster, sick children and adults, lack of babysitters, and encounters with state agencies i never imagined as a part of my life. oh, and my camera is malfunctioning again, or it might just be the batteries are not charging properly... whatever the case, i haven't had the energy to get to the bottom of it. funny, but without a camera, it's harder to stop on by this old spot.

the boys are changing before my very eyes. even more than when they were tiny babies, now they are two (seriously, how did this happen?!?), and they are just exploding with change. i can assume that pretty soon they will be talking in ways i find more comprehensible, and we will only have as memories words like "baba-zur-zur" (bulldozer), "mo-cicle" (popcicle), and "beeping" (sleeping). they string together these amazing little sentences now: "i climbed up seat!" "i see a red motorcycle!" "no car. go a playground now." and i sense their babyhood falling away.

that's not to say i don't celebrate and relish their changes - i feel like i could dive into each one of them and float in my joy at their little personal triumphs. "i did it myself!" is a new favorite sentence this week, and i have to say, i feel their sense of accomplishment and feel wells of adoration. these little people learn and experience so much in such a precious short time! shoghi suddenly holds his fork, spoon, pens and paintbrush "properly," while max did pee-pee in a potty for the first time... shoghi has had such a fast leap in language skills since july - he's gone from single words all the way to 5 and 6 word sentences, while max has mastered the art of marching, jumping off furniture, and sings along with his favorite (barney, blech!) songs... it's really so incredible that suddenly our home is filled with this child energy.

but still... really for the first time, i have the sense of this major first chapter in their lives coming to a close. the baby years... i can barely type it... they are coming to an end. it's likely that they are going to be my only children, and while i am so happy and content (and overwhelmed, and stressed out) to have both of them, there is a little twinge of sadness along with it that i won't have the opportunity to have babies anymore.

let's be real, too... i think part of it is something that you might only understand if you have multiples, or if you are very close to someone who does... i think part of it is that there really is a loss as a mother/child unit, that i didn't get to have that quiet moment of time with each of my sons as babies. that time when there is just the one baby to focus on, even if there are other siblings already in the family. there's quite a shift that has to happen when mothering twins (or more) - your intentions for how you will attend to your child have to yield to the reality of caring for two children of the same age. there is definitely loss there for me. things i wish i had been able to do differently for each of my boys.

and while i'm talking about leaving these baby years, let me also say that suddenly i am also thinking - or at least feeling (because really, when do i have time to actually think these days) - the strange gulf that occurred for me (and for each of them?) during those long four weeks they spent in the NICU. it's still so hard for me to accept that this hospital was not set up to allow parents to stay there 24 hours a day... the fact that my fragile little babies were there without me - without anyone except the NICU staff - for hours each day.... ugh, i get a pit in my stomach just thinking about it. it's one thing that i actually do have regret about - that i wasn't there for all of it. that i didn't somehow find a way to be with them every moment of their first breaths, their cries, their certain bewilderment at how it felt to be removed from the warmth of my womb and placed on those hard beds, with masks on, air on their exposed skin, the billi-lights... ugh. it's horrible, and i desperately wish i had done differently, even though i did the best i could do at the time...

so anyway, here we are. summer is falling away into blessed autumn. the rains are returning, and the air is cooler. my life is about to change as i find a job, as the boys transition into 20 or more hours a week of day care. and my babies... my strong, fast, persistent, funny, cheeky, introspective, determined, lovely boys are stepping into themselves.

from babies to boys

When, how, did it happen that my little babes became these running, talking, playing children???

newton's law applies to toddlers

A toddler in motion will tend to stay in motion...

Life is so fast-paced these days, especially since we're in our second week of trying to transition to one nap. Today, for example, Shoghi had one 30-minute nap in the car from 9:45 to 10:15, and Max slept at home from 10:20-11. By 2pm I had two desperately tired, uncoordinated, biting, whining, hungry children who didn't want to eat in their exhausted state. No opportunity for a second nap though, since we then had to go see the pediatrician for an official diagnosis of impetigo.

The boys are now in bed (it's 6:31 and they are already asleep), and after this long day (on top of about 3 weeks with an average of 4 hours of sleep for me) I'm about ready to collapse. I'm thinking an 8 o'clock bedtime is in order.

experimenting with toddler passtimes

fridge lotto magnets

I've been trying a lot of new activities with the boys lately, experimenting with what they're ready for and what is still too much of a challenge, too dangerous (to the other twin), or too messy. I'm pretty resigned to cleaning up messes, and believe strongly in allowing the boys to explore objects that engage their senses. That said, all of these were from over a week ago - for several days, I've just been too tired to deal with it!

Here are some of the ways I've modified our space and activities we've tried.

Table and Chairs

This little table is set up in our kitchen/dining area. I use it right now to put snacks out - I'm working diligently (and not yet successfully) to help the boys learn to keep their food on the table, both here where they have the freedom to come and go, and at the big table we all use for meals. I have tried placing activities, like sorting games or stacking rings, on the table, but that really only works when I am sitting with one of them. I had to replace the chairs that came with the table with these shorter stools - although they both loved the idea of having chairs, they were just too tall for now.

Fridge Lotto

Shoghi has been captivated by flowers for quite a long time, but recently he has learned to actually say "flowers," so we hear about these spring beauties all day long. I got the book "Planting a Rainbow" for him at the library a couple of weeks ago, and he's been quite delighted by the colorful blooms on the pages. On a whim, I whipped up this little fridge matching game. I simply drew a bunch of different flowers and a sun, which at the time was Max's newest word, and stuck it to the fridge with a piece of contact paper cut to a larger rectangle size. I glued corresponding images into baby food jar lids, and stuck a magnet on the back.

Although they both point to the flowers and sun, the magnets mostly just get thrown. We've already lost two of them! Clearly, this matching game is too advanced. They love magnets, though, so I think we'll make more.

Frozen Colors

I got this idea browsing the forums on Mothering. I just took a silicone ice cube tray, putting one drop of food coloring in each cube with water.


This has turned out to be a nice activity for the floor in the kitchen. It's messy, and I have to make sure they don't walk away with these potential carpet stain cubes, but they both liked handling the frozen ice. If you're sensitive to the idea of the kiddos ingesting food coloring, look for a natural version at your local health food store.

We have many books about colors right now, so this is a great hands-on activity to reinforce color differentiation. Some of the favorites this month: Flaptastic Colors and Planting a Rainbow: Lap-Sized Board Book.

prepping the colors

Fingerpaint

This speaks for itself... Max in his typical full body exploration style has taken to fingerpaints with relish, but I think I'm going to have to get some paint brushes for Shoghi, who seems pretty grossed out by the feel of it.

What are some of your favorite toddler passtimes?

Click these links to see more photos of our activites or join our flickr group and share your toddler fun photos?

a month in photos

Well, here I am, so many weeks since a post, and all I'm going to do is show you some photos. How lame! But really, it's been so incredibly busy, I just haven't had any time. Within a couple of weeks, I hope to have a new childcare situation for the boys a few days a week, and maybe that will give me time during the day to get so much done that at night I can go back to writing our little story.

It's amazing to me that December isn't over and yet so much has happened in these three weeks of the month! I now have two walking boys on my hands, and I couldn't be happier about it. I love to see them picking up strength and speed on their little legs. We've got more words, more signing, more tantrums, more picky eating... in short, all the things you'd expect from two vibrant, healthy toddlers. I love these guys so much, and I am so lucky to have them. So here you go - a link to my December photo set - just click the photo. Enjoy!!

friday randomness

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that by Friday I haven't an organized thought left in my head. Combine that with Max spiking a fever today and napping very little, and I got a little scared I wouldn't get my posting done. Fortunately, bedtime was mercifully easy tonight, and the little munchkins are sleeping already. Thought I'd just show you a few photos from the week. I have a new post up here, too, fyi!

 our first time fingerpainting! 

 

 there was much eating of the fingerpaint...

 

 Max finally learned how to stick out his tongue!

 

 Shoghi, where are your teeth?

 

 why do bark chips and random pieces of cement remain interesting to eat??? 

 

cutest brothers on the block!

clip, snip!

At just 3 days shy of 15 months old, Max and Shoghi had their first haircuts today. We went to Rudy's Barbershop, and had the woman who cuts my hair do the honors. The boys sat way up high on the old fashioned chair and handled themselves really well. No crying or fear - it was awesome!

Max just got a little trim in the back, mostly for the sake of the twin brothers hitting this milestone on the same day. 

 first up!

bye-bye baby mullet!

Shoghi was really quite shaggy, and his bangs were bothering him all the time. I thought perhaps his future self wouldn't approve of me putting barrettes in his hair. I wanted to preserve the curls, though, so we didn't go too short.

this morning

 little mister shaggerton

 

 

It's strange and beautiful to see them with their little haircuts - I love them!

learning curves

As you know, I'm trying to step it up in the work-from-home department. Thanks for your suggestions (mostly involving coffee and working at night) last week on my wahm craziness post. I've resolved that November is the Be All and End All month - the month where I will kick ass daily, get all sorts of new products and designs into Bamboo Village Press, prepare for January's Marketing Your Micro-Business workshop, participate in NaBloPoMo on this blog, update the Bamboo Village Blog regularly, complete my grad school application, and enjoy every single (fleeting) hour remaining with my wonderful friend and babysitter, who will be beginning her life as a mama in December. All the while I will be sending calming affirmations to myself, trying not to give in to the mounting breathlessness and a tendency to tense up my shoulders, neck, and back. "Everything is Easy," I will say to myself. "I have plenty of time to get everything done well and be a great mama to the boys."

Yesterday I decided to be daring and do some silk screening without the help of a second adult in the house. I began while the  boys were napping, and was still printing when Max woke up, so into the highchair he went. It didn't last long, but I probably got another 20 prints done.

The downside of multi-tasking came when I was prepping the screen. This was to be a 2-color design - a small print on some gorgeous, nubby handmade paper. I burned the screen only to discover a fatal error - I did not use a carbon-based pen for much of the design. Alas, this meant ruining a 15 dollar screen (my last one) and wasting a large amount of time. Oh well, you live and you learn, right? Better luck tomorrow, Mama!

dish

Toddler eating is getting to be a little crazy-making in our home. No, the throwing hasn't really begun (and please, Lord let it not!), but picky eaters? Spitting out food? Dropping loads of painstakingly-prepared food onto the floor? Oh, my yes.

The favorite food group by far is fruit. These boys would eat only fruit all day long if I let them. The canned peaches I put up are going fast, and the 20 pounds of blueberries we picked and froze are eaten up already. Next spring I am seriously going to have to invest in a chest freezer to put up many times more than what I did this year. Max signs peach, apple, pear, and grape with glee, squeals for berries and apricots, and tucks into whatever fruit I set before him with great enthusiasm.

Last week, zucchini sauteed in garlic was the only veggie I could get them to eat; this week, they won't have anything to do with it.  Last night I made a seriously fabulous sweet potato dish that they wouldn't touch. The most frustrating part is the whining and clingyness that descends upon our home after 4pm -- prime time for dinner making. Shoghi wants only to be in my arms - he has a great fascination with chopping, cooking, and the stove. When I put him down he cries bitter tears and bites my legs. I had to stop wearing him in the ergo last week when he bit my shoulder so hard I wondered if he was going to come away with a mouthful of flesh. That wasn't one of my prettiest mama moments, lemme tell ya.

So, after practicing mindfulness, patience, and measured breathing for the better part of an hour (or more) at the end of a long day, when we sit down to eat and they won't take more than 2 bites of whatever I have cooked, I find myself feeling rather grumpy. I crack open another jar of pears; I spoon out yet another bowl of yogurt. Goldfish, anyone? I remember reading recently that toddlers have gotten most of their calories already during the day, so dinner doesn't need to be too big, and I remind myself that dinner can actually be the smallest meal of the day... but then I put them to bed with anxieties of them waking up in the middle of the night, and so I beg them to take one bite more.

So, in the spirit of leaving these exploring, blossoming little beings who are developing opinions and preferences to their little devices, I thought we'd take a moment to share some yummies that the grown-ups will certainly enjoy. Let toddler have yogurt and fruit only... we have other things to eat!

First, I give you this cookbook: Feeding the Whole Family: Cooking with Whole Foods which I read about over the summer. I adore this book, from its lovely cover art, to its explanations of cooking whole grains, to its pages of inspiring recipes that I can't wait to try. I've made the maple nut granola so many times already - it's becoming a weekly activity. It is so good, it's worth getting the book just for that.

Second, I thought that you might appreciate the wonderfully delicious sweet potato dish I concocted last night, so here you have it:

Carmelized Sweet Potatoes with Pine Nuts

2 medium sweet potatoes, cubed
1 small onion, chopped
1T minced or grated ginger
dry rosemary
butter
olive oil
2T honey
1/4c pine nuts
salt and pepper to taste
parsley

Steam sweet potatoes in a basket steamer for approximately 10 minutes, or until fork tender, set aside.

While the sweet potatoes are steaming, carmelize the chopped or sliced onion in 1T of butter and 1T olive oil and a dash of salt. Cook over medium heat to slowly soften, then brown the onion. When onion is almost done, add a pinch of crushed, dry rosemary and ginger, continuing to sautee until onion is nicely done.

In a separate dry pan, roast pine nuts until light brown and fragrant. Set aside when done. 

Increase heat to medium-high, adding more oil if necessary to ensure that the sweet potatoes will be well-coated after adding. When the pan it hot, add sweet potatoes and then honey, turning to cover with oil/onion. Allow to cook slowly and brown, stirring every few minutes, adjusting heat as necessary.Salt and pepper to taste.

When there's a nice brown crust on the potatoes, add the pine nuts. Garnish with parsley if desired.

***
Let me know if you try it - I'd love to hear what you think! And if you have any toddler favorite recipes or tips, bring em on - I beg of you!

Bon apetit!

playful

My, my, how these kids now play! Every week, we notice them playing together more, imitating each other especially at mealtime, chasing each other, playing peek-a-boo, and handing toys back and forth. OK, that last one more commonly plays out as them taking toys from each other and then the other bursting into frustrated tears, but sometimes we'll all three be sitting and they will play with a toy together, taking turns kissing our stuffed kitty, puppy, or lamb.They still love to play with the same playsilk that has entertained them since little babyhood, only now they notice each other and will hide under the silk and laugh.


They love to stir containers of water - this is an especially absorbing game for Shoghi these days - it can keep his attention for 15 minutes sometimes!


Sometimes interactions go best when they are somewhat separated - here they are playing and laughing while Shoghi was in the highchair:



They also like to watch us do things now - they try to brush our teeth and feed us, put hats (and boxes) on our heads. It's pretty fun, except of course that it involves half-chewed food...


Shoghi is doing a lot of standing, and now takes notice of other kids. He hasn't quite figured out the social graces involved with being in other people's space yet...


On the other hand, Max loves engaging socially with others. We see our best friend Ruby almost every day, and if I say "walk," "Korin" or "Ruby," he starts calling "Weeee-be" or "Beeee-be" until he lays his happy eyes on her. Here they all are, playing in the Sandy River at Oxbow Park:


Here he is with our little friend Madden. They were playing peek-a-boo together, and Madden had Max laughing away!

When I think back, a few months ago, there was a lot more whining. I couldn't leave them alone for more than 2 or three minutes at a time. Now, though, things are much easier. I guess when they say if you make it through the first year with twins, this is what they mean. Life is good!!

departure

Oh, thank everything good and holy that we are leaving in a couple of days. I couldn't be more stressed out right now, and I'm hoping that our leave from home will also bring a departure from some of the routines and unknowns that are bringing me down.

Sleep, my friends, continues to be my nemesis. I don't know why I bother struggling with it, either, since for most of my friends, children and sleep is a constant issue. There are those people whose beautiful children sleep perfectly, though, and leave me feeling like a complete failure when it comes to getting a peaceful night for the three of us. I hope that the big time change, plus the disruption in sleep for the travel day, all work in our favor and some clear solution presents itself.

Aside from that (and what could be more fundamental than getting consistent sleep?), it seems like all the basics are breaking down these days - all my personal weaknesses and foibles are being pulled to the fore. Even with my recent success in creating work for myself, I am beyond panicked that it's not going to work, and with no partner to fall back on, I wonder why I am walking this very uncertain path rather than just going out and finding a job. Oh, right... maybe it's NPR telling me every day how impossible it is to find a job.

So, here we go again. I'll let you all know what it's like to travel cross-country with (nearly) 1-year old twins. And then, when I fly back alone with them, we'll see what we can come up with in terms of tips and tricks.

For now, I bid you farewell - we'll see you from the opposite coast.

this and that

It's been a busier-than-average week here, since I didn't have my regular days to get stuff done with our nanny. She'll be back tomorrow, and then comes the few days of final prep before my mom flies out to help me travel back East with the boys. We'll be in MA from July 27-August 24, and can't wait to see lots and lots of our family and friends. Facebook has rekindled quite a few old friendships, and I'm excited to get together with these childhood friends while we're on the Cape.

The boys are into everything! We had to duct tape the corners of the stove drawer, and now they both crawl into it. Oy!

The weather here in Portland is quite variable - we had some days that were cool last week, so to keep things interesting, we brought the pool inside. Here they are, in the "not tub"


A rare nap during stroller time...


And I'll have to find and link the older posts that show photos of the boys at the door in various stages of development, but here's the most recent one, now that they are both standing. Notice how much taller Shoghi is than Maxwell!