evolution

This morning I sat down and read this article about when bloggers disappear. I have thought often about my little blog orphan here, and this article gave me the kick in the pants I needed to come back and check in.

The truth is, over a year ago when the boys turned two, I fell. The load I'd been carrying tumbled out of my grasp, and things simply became bad. I was depressed, angry, and unable to reach out for the things I would normally do to support myself, because I was in financially dire straights. I was embarrassed, and frankly, I felt no ability to account for my days, my choices, or even my thoughts. Ah, depression, my ugly old friend. I tried a few times to give myself prompts and other kinds of inspiration, but this particular story of hope and accomplishment and dreams realized just felt over.

It's funny that my last post was in April... as it turns out, it was the dark before the dawn. I met someone, and we quickly joined our forces together, and the tide of living life, raising kids, and forming a whole new parenting unit - consisting of me, my sister, and now Ted - swept us away. To add to that monumental change, we also had to move house, Max and Shoghi started school, Shoghi's evaluations for sensory processing disorder/ ADHD/ autism continued, Ted moved in with us, and if that all wasn't enough, last month my brother suffered a catastrophic injury to his heart, and after almost three weeks of being by his side in the cardiothoracic ICU, he died. Thirty-four years old. My brother. Dead. It's still unbelievable.

So, there's the catch-up. This whole arc of change simply paralyzed me and swept my voice away.

Now 1+2 as a title doesn't seem right anymore. We've gone from 3 to 5, we have such a huge community of friends, we now live in a co-housing community, and a myriad of other things are different. Finding Ted, and really finding so much of myself before him, propelled me into a new level of clarity about my path - and I am learning that living in integrity with my true wants, talents, and spirit is actually possible. In that spirit, I have started writing a new blog: a certainty of place. Now that I've touched down here again and made peace with the changes that came, maybe I'll come here to write more specifically about parenting, twins, household.... but I think we'll have to just see what comes.

For now, we can meet here and on certainty, and I hope you'll fill me in on your own changes and stories. I'd love to reconnect.

links:

my brother's facebook page, supporting simon

my sister's blog: lifecrafted

a certainty of place

{this moment}

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember. If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

cheers and a happy weekend to you!

sleep and remembering

shoghi is getting another 2-year molar.

he's a hard teether, so this new molar is kicking all of our asses. he's also in a big developmental shift, so impatience and new-found avenues for aggression towards his brother (pushing! hair pulling! scratching!), combined with the ache-provoked moods of teething are all conspiring to make days challenging, while nights are peppered with sad wakings, one after another all night long.

this morning i did something i've only done once before - i used my babysitter time to go back to bed, and i slept until 10:30. i would love an entire day of sleep, even if it meant just lying in bed with the sound machine on staring at the ceiling. being a mom of two toddlers is exhausting!

***

the other day i was looking in an old photos folder and came across this still i took from a video of the boys last spring. being so saturated in the present with these little munchkins, it's easy to forget that not long ago, they were really just little babies!

crazy friday

Dear Mom,

Sorry I missed your call today. I forgot to charge my phone last night, and it died this afternoon right after I heard your voicemail. You asked how things are going, and wanted to check on Shoghi and the new shift to forward-facing car seats.

Little guy is doing much better - the fever passed, but left behind it those horrible canines doing their nasty work on his mouth. He's been pretty possessive of Mama (something new) and has started hitting all of us in some brand new (and very long) temper tantrums that started up right after the sickness had gone. His way of talking also changed. I'm glad this dramatic behavior shift didn't come after a vaccine - it seems very pronounced, and I definitely would have been concerned. As it is, I guess it's just a developmental shift and we'll just continue to try to think creatively about what he needs from us (i.e. me and Laurie) to help him feel secure.

As far as the car seats goes, they're quite happy with them, I think. Max especially is really talking about things he sees, which is fun. The photo of Shoghi sleeping is from the day after his fever passed. He has been sleeping a LOT these past few days - as in 12 or 13 hours at night and 2 naps of 1.5 - 3 hours during the day. Poor guy is pooped. See the french fries in his sleepy hands and his furrowed brow/pout? Damn those teeth!


Today was such a packed day - why do I try to squeeze so many things in on the same day? I was really smart last night, though - I laid out everything I would need for us to get out the door, which sometimes can take a full half hour! From the moment we woke up, I was on the go - first morning snack (grapes and mozzarella), then breakfast (scrambled eggs with avocado and cheddar, sliced orange, waffle with jam), and morning nap. Max decided to skip his nap, so instead of doing some of my planned prep, I spent about 30 minutes trying to get him down. Finally I gave up and Laurie took over so I could shower. I packed our diaper bag and hopped in for a 5-minute wash.

We were out the door by 9:45, and I have to say I was pretty impressed with myself. It wasn't as stressful as usual, and I was excited to get to our first destination - a Reggio Emilia-inspired daycare/preschool just 7 minutes from our house.

Sadly, I was disappointed by the experience. The school was in a nice facility, but that's just what it was - very functional and institutional feeling. Fluorescent lights felt very harsh in the classrooms, which were set up exactly the same way as the traditional preschool I worked at in high school. The 18-30 month room felt very small, and I was very disappointed that they didn't have a single climbing apparatus, either inside or on the small toddler playground.

When I asked about their philosophy and how they characterized it as RE, the assistant director told me that they were very proud of their educational focus and curriculum, which from what I could see was just basically a plan for what the kids would do every day, moving them from free play to art, to gross motor play, etc. She told me that the teachers give an art project and show the kids what it "should" be, and then let the kids do what they want with the materials.

Another question that's very important to me is how they deal with normal toddler aggression. I listened to the teacher tell me that they use redirection and comfort the hurt child, but when I pressed them for further actions they take with biting children (I told them that Shoghi is just growing out of a biting habit), they immediately jumped to telling me about having the kid removed from the program for two weeks until they stop the biting behavior. Needless to say, that landed pretty hard on me. A truly experienced toddler program should have a detailed explanation for how they deal with behaviors such as this, and not simply indicate to a concerned parent that things could go from redirection to expulsion. It just seemed to lack expertise and certainly didn't seem to involve the parent in any kind of strategy.

I guess I figure if I have to pay someone $1500 a month to watch my two kids 3 days a week, I'm looking for something that is a much more creative environment - one that feels relevant to my children and one whose approach and curriculum will support the kind of development I want to give them. Not that I can even dream of affording such a huge sum of money to send my boys to daycare... I find myself more and more wishful that I can somehow afford a Montessori program. Going back to school to become an ESL professional is seeming more and more like the thing I should do if I'm going to find my way back to working a job that will support us.

From there, we went to visit our little twin friends. The boys and girls ran around getting into stuff while Elizabeth and I shouted fragments of conversation at each other from opposite ends of the room. (ok, I exaggerate a little, but you know what I'm talking about if you've spent time with 4 curious 1-year olds). We had a fun visit and left there in time to come home for a snack of peanut butter and banana (a first, which they gobbled up!) and a nap.


You might think this meant a break for me, but nope. I didn't even sit down for the next hour and a half. I had signed up to bring dinner to our former babysitter, who just had a baby two weeks ago. I actually succeeded at making my weekly menu (for the first time!) and had planned on making sabzi pollo, that wonderful Persian rice dish with baby lima beans, dill, parsley, and garlic. Being slightly delusional as I always am when it comes to estimating how much time things will take, I had decided to buy fresh herbs, which meant 30 minutes of washing, pinching and chopping. Oh, and our garbage disposal has been broken for a week, which also disables our dishwasher, so I had to do quite a lot of dis washing before I could even start cooking. Max woke up while I was in the middle of making this meal, so I set him on the floor with a canister of dry split peas and let him go at it.

I was pleased with how he played with this Montessori-inspired activity. I gave him the canister with the peas and a 1/4 cup measure, and showed him how to scoop the beans into a second bowl. This was the second time I tried this with him - the first being just last week when he was only interested in eating the hard, dry legumes, which didn't thrill me. This time he played with them for quite a while, which bought me enough time to finish most of the prep.

Here's Shoghi, meeting the baby on Wednesday. He's really starting to grasp the concept of "gentle." Both the boys really love seeing babies - they've started asking for them when we get in the car.
I won't bother going into the bizarre baby fever that seeing and holding this little peanut is provoking in me.

We didn't get out of here to deliver the meal until 3pm, which is basically the start of the last two hours of their playtime. We got back to our neighborhood at 4, and I decided to drive right to our good old quiet mall and let them run wild. It was pretty exhausting for me keeping them corralled by myself, but it was good for them to run around for a while.

Home again, then dinner, cleanup and our bedtime routine, and now the boys are in bed at 6:45. I have an entire kitchen of dishes to wash, but my new strategy of getting the floor wiped down and the toys put away while the boys are awake is really working well - it's not quite so overwhelming when I finally get them to sleep.

Well, that's how our day went! I just thought since it was already too late to call that I'd send a little (ok, a very long) note your way.

Love to you and Dad!
c

pool in the kitchen

If there's one thing I know about getting through the day, it's that late afternoons before dinner time are of critical planning importance. No matter if the little fellas wake up from afternoon nap at 2:30 or 4, they whine, cling, and cry their way through until dinner is on the table. By this time, I am also tired, and sadly, I rarely have a solid dinner plan. I do a lot of wandering around the kitchen, looking blankly into the cabinets the same way a person like me might look under the hood of a car, dumbly expecting the solution to emerge with neon lights and a happy little tune.

As I enter this new year, I have rededicated myself to planning this time of day ahead of time. I have reserved Sunday nights for menu planning, and unlike many of my friends who only make dinner menus, mine will include all three meals plus snacks. How much easier is my life going to be when I know what needs to be cooked when, which snacks to pack up or set on their little table, and what meals are on the way? It is a relief just thinking of it.

Last week, the whining was really wearing me down. Typical meal-prep video distraction was not working. I was too tired to try to make dinner with one 30-pounder on my back and another 20-pounder in my arms.

making dinner is challenging with only one hand.

I ran out in the rain and grabbed the summertime wading pool, flicking off those ugly Portland slugs as I jogged towards the door. I carried it in over the pulling hands and whiny cries and dumped it on the floor, then put two small bins filled with warm, soapy water into the pool right in the kitchen and let the boys go at it.


We turned up the heat, stripped off their clothes and dropped in some toys, and I bought myself 20 minutes to get dinner ready. Granted, it resulted in a wet floor and extra cleanup for me, but this is definitely a trick to remember for hard days that I will no doubt be using again.

the bright side of these brothers

Hey, so I'm really ok... I just have to blow off a little steam every now and then! Yes, the sleep thing does really get to me, but if you know me in person, you know that I have a tendency to stress out a little too easily, so no worries.

As the boys get older, it's so awesome to see these little glimmers emerging of their relationship as brothers. They play peek-a-boo several times a day, and belly button tickling is an endless source of brother giggles. They chase each other down the hall, play imitation games at meals, and make each other laugh with their antics.

see this? it's my BELLY!

Belly? That's cool, but wait... PEEK-A-BOOOOOOO!!!

Equally present and increasingly problematic is the inevitable sibling rivalry... or maybe it's not rivalry yet, but it's more the fact that they're not problem solvers in time yet. When one sees something the other one is playing with, he becomes fascinated and wants to take it immediately, despite the fact that the same toy might be sitting beside him. It's a source of a lot of crying, hair pulling, pushing and biting. I'm dealing with it in stride, I think... our worst biting problem is not from these situations of frustration but either tiredness or affection. Shoghi's expression in the form of locking his jaws on people has been going on for 6 months now, and I really haven't yet found a working strategy for handling it.

So, anyway, in and around the things that challenge me, there are the bright, lovely times that remind me that pulling out all my reserves (every day!) is worth it, and that I am on the path I love, even when it's hard. I am so lucky to be a mama, and even more so to get to be mama to these two amazing boys. I love them so much!

all belly buttons, all the time

not so fast

i finally gave in and let m have a second nap at 3:30 after his 20-minute nap from 11:30-11:50.

Well, I don't know about this one nap thing. The boys are clearly not ready for it. I'd show you the pictures and video I took during our extremely LONG and WHINY day yesterday, but the tears and snot would probably gross you out, and the whining in the video might just split your eardrums. I'd probably lose my entire readership in one post.

too tired to even eat lunch at 11am, we resorted to bottles with some rice cereal added to fill up hungry, sleepy tummies.

So, yeah. Today we're back to two naps. The little guys were so exhausted from the change, which was expressed by Max in his verbal/emotional way (i.e. lots of crying and whining) and by Shoghi in his physical/kinetic way (i.e. lots of biting). I guess for now I'm just going to have to find a peaceful place in my heart about not having any time by myself during the day. I think it must be in there, but it's very, very small. I need time alone - I needed it before having children, and even more so now that I'm using every neural connection to try to succeed at finding my way in this phase of my life. In short order, I'm going to have to get brave and accept some of the childcare help that's been offered... if you and I are friends on facebook, you no doubt know what I mean, since most of my chatter about this subject gets directed there.

What that means is that Bamboo Village is taking over the downstairs. All kinds of things find their way into the boys' hands. Prototypes of new designs for the spring are lying in various states of production, and all flat surfaces seem to be gathering more and more layers of items to be packed, made into final products, photographed or put away. It's kind of crazy, but with the boys at my feet all day, what else can I do?

a ruler's not dangerous, right?
that was yesterday... just look at those tired eyes!

max today with his smart new haircut - behind him you can see one of my double happiness fish towels

Today I had to take the boys to get yet another haircut. All the food in the long hair is pretty gross. Turns out, today is exactly a month since their first haircuts. Max's hair is so thin, it probably won't need a trim for a while, but I had them cut Shoghi's hair extra short, since it grows so very fast.

To be honest, even though S looks adorable with his new do, I'm not so crazy about this truly boyish style. It just seems so tough somehow... too hard? Too mature? I don't know... for some reason, it brought forward a lot of thoughts and fears about having a rough and tumble boy... I am having such a hard time teaching Shoghi to be gentle - Max currently has three nasty bruises from Shoghi biting him. It'll grow on me, I know... there was just a little shock seeing him look so different today!

down to one

Hey, thanks for all the birthday wishes! It was such a lovely day, and your kind words went straight to my heart!

It's been such a hectic time here. Napping has been way off for both the little fellas, with Max showing clear signs that he just won't sleep for more than a combined 11-12 hours per 24 hours. My ability to get stuff done for Bamboo Village was seriously diminished by having many days in a row of absolutely no alone time as the boys were snoozing at different times, not to mention being able to achieve the basics of, oh, you know... minor things like washing diapers or cooking meals.

Finally I decided three days ago that it's time to switch from two naps a day to one... or at least try it and see what happens. It's unfortunate for little Shoghurt, or "sho-du" as Max calls him -- he's a very happy sleeper, and adores his morning and afternoon nods.


So far, it's going fairly well. Max still hasn't had a day of napping for more than 90 minutes, and is still waking up between 5 and 6am, much to my dismay. Today we made morning stops at two friend's homes, and by 11am when we got home for lunch, Shoghi just couldn't make it a second longer. Laurie and I laughed hysterical but sympathetic bursts while the little fella struggled to keep his eyes open... we tried jiggling him, feeding him, standing him up on his feet, but his eyes kept rolling, and finally he dropped off to dreamland while I was changing his diaper. It was so pathetically funny. I was very bummed that my camera was without batteries! It was super sweet.


So, now that our visits with family and friends are over until my parents come in February (we can hardly wait!), I'm trying to get the house back in order, pack some things for our upcoming move, keep these active boys entertained, and tend to my lovely Bamboo Village. I even managed to post over there today about some of the creative projects in the works, as well as some brief words on the challenges of doing this with the boys under foot.

friday randomness

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that by Friday I haven't an organized thought left in my head. Combine that with Max spiking a fever today and napping very little, and I got a little scared I wouldn't get my posting done. Fortunately, bedtime was mercifully easy tonight, and the little munchkins are sleeping already. Thought I'd just show you a few photos from the week. I have a new post up here, too, fyi!

 our first time fingerpainting! 

 

 there was much eating of the fingerpaint...

 

 Max finally learned how to stick out his tongue!

 

 Shoghi, where are your teeth?

 

 why do bark chips and random pieces of cement remain interesting to eat??? 

 

cutest brothers on the block!

affirmation

This afternoon I was listening to a little Louise Hay. Rather, a little Louise Hay was playing in the background as I busied myself with other things. Just for a moment, though, my attention turned and I heard her say: "I love and approve of you just as you are" and this made me think of my two gem-like sons, so different from each other, so uniquely faceted, and so dazzling to my eyes.

I never did write their one year birthday post. It seems that these major milestones come upon me, and I think "I must write about that" and then the significance swallows me up and nothing is written. The more of them pile up, the greater the mountain of things to reflect upon grows in my mind, and soon these moments of beauty become a chore to write about. I never wrote about their birth, never really told you all about our nursing experience in its fullness (and how it came to a close when they were 11 months old), and haven't kept up with the sleeping updates.. all of which continue to have effects on us to this day! Knowing how I tend to forget details, I'm disappointed that I haven't written these things down.

So, when I heard that affirmation, my mind turned here, to tell my boys how I do love and approve of them, now... in the moment... for everything they are - the things that make my heart sing, and the things that challenge me to my core. I love being a mama to them - I always knew I would... and sometimes, in the quiet moments before bed, or late in the night when one of them is up, I whisper "thank you for being my baby" in their little ears, and yes, I am overcome by a wave of the deepest gratitude. It is a prayer to bypass even their bodies, and speak directly to their souls... it is a prayer of thanks to God or the Universe or whatever Name you use for that creative, animating Force that unites us all.

Here's just a little happy glimmer of what is going on for the boys these days:

At 14 months, Shoghi, you are a little wonder. You are so tall - if we don't adjust your age for prematurity, you are in the 90th percentile for height and weight, which is crazy for a family of short people! Your feet are so big, they remind everyone of hobbit feet - you're wearing shoes that Ruby wore when she was 2! You have many new words that are trying to form - you make a funny sound for "juice" and another for "cheese" which sounds like a "shhh" sound in your cheek. It seems like learning to talk for you is going to be as much a physical experience as everything else! You are still learning to walk, you love the slide and all the other playground equipment, and continue to experience the world most through exploring with your body. You rarely get hurt - it seems like you just accept that bumps and bruises are part of the deal of loving to use your body so much.

Max, my little social butterfly, we all take such delight in your language skills! Where your brother is towering physically, you are soaring with your words. I'm guessing you probably have between 40 and 50 words now, which is really quite remarkable and fun! Mama, Auntie, Ruby, Memmae, Popi, and Emilia are people you will name; cheese, fish, cookie, cracker, juice, bottle, apricot, pear, peach, toast, apple, berry, yogurt, and puffs are some of the foods you ask for; sounds like moo, baa, ooo-ooo (what a monkey says), meow, woof, hoo-hoo, neigh, peep, tweet, shhh, ding, gobble, choo-choo, beep, roar, quack, and bawk animate your days; and words like car, belly button, nose, teeth, gorilla, moon, chair, bird, shoes, puppy, bunny, cold, rain, wind, book, ball, tree, walk, and more help you to tell us what you want. It's really quite an amazing time, listening to you learn to tell us what you see, what you want, and how you feel. All the while, you exercise your mouth and tongue, making the funniest sounds like "gobbledy-gobbledy" and "weddygo-weddygo."

signing "more" to Auntie

**

Now your Mama must acknowledge her own state of weariness and sign off. Until next time...

beach people

I'm not sure where I came across it, but recently I read something about people being either beach or mountain people. Isn't it cool to live in a place where this is discussed? Now, I haven't spent a whole lot of time in the mountains, but having grown up on Cape Cod, the ocean side is undoubtedly the place my heart feels happiest. Wonderfully, here in the Pacific Northwest, you can be on the beach and enjoy views of pine-covered hills at the same time.

Shoghi, with his curly locks, and me

Last week, Laurie had an unusual 2 days off in a row, and we were unexpectedly given a gift of a night in a friend's beach house, so we packed the car and the boys and stole out to Manzanita, Oregon to enjoy a day in the sand and sea.

a very happy boy!

The jury is still out for the boys. I think right now the choice would be based on which tastes better - beach sand or mountain trail dirt. I'd like to think that the salty sand would win, but you know kids!! When we were in MA, my mom and I took Shoghi and Max to South Cape Beach. Shoghi was very intimidated by the waves, which break right at the waterline. He spent most of the time in our arms or looking suspiciously at the moving water.

South Cape Beach, MA. Note the worried look on Shoghi's little face (left).

At Manzanita, he was much more comfortable. The (much bigger) waves break tens of feet away from the wet sand line, and the water moves in shallow sheets to the shore. It was pretty cold, but he did well with it washing up around his feet and legs.

splishy splashy

Max was the complete opposite - very comfortable in the Cape Cod waters, but pretty scared of the moving, chilly water of the Pacific. We spent most of our time in the deep, fine sand, watching out for the boys putting anything more than sand in their mouths.

Max, at home on the sandy Atlantic beach

wanting to be picked up in Manzanita

Although being away for a night with 1-year old twins was pretty intense, and left both me and my sister feeling like overnight travel with them at this age is not worth the extra work and decreased sleep, it was great to get out of the city for a day and spend a day with the salt air in our hair and our feet in the soft sand. We'd do it again in a heartbeat... in fact, I'm sure that we'll make another trek through the beautiful mountains to the shore again before the weather gets cold.

step by step, the boys shed their clothes on the way to the water...

All four of us are enjoying every single final summery day of sun and blue skies.

working backward and looking forward

Well, well, well. We are back in Portland, and boy do I have a lot of catching up to do! I think I'm going to work in reverse to catch you all up.


So, first of all, jet lag and one-year-olds.... SUCKS!!! When we traveled from West to East, it worked out really, really well - a very early morning and a long day of travel actually resulted in a very short adjustment time for the boys. Of course, it was also nice to have them wake up at 8am instead of 5am! Coming back, though, has been really rough. By the time we left MA, the boys were regularly waking at 6am, so that meant that in Oregon they have been really thrown off. Keeping them up until 7pm has been pretty tough, because of course their little bodies still feel like it's 10pm! Just two days after arriving in Portland, though, Max is back to sleeping only 10 hours, the stubborn little guy, meaning that he was up and ready to go at 5am today. This is my ongoing struggle - putting them to bed at 8 is just too late. I need some down time, and evenings are long and hard as it is. But the fact that I cannot get Max to sleep for more than 10 hours just kills me every day!!

I think I'll put up a seperate post about flying with twin 1-year olds. It was an adventure both going to MA and returning. VERY different than flying with them last December. As with all things baby (especially twin babies), creativity, perserverence, and a sense of humor, even if dark, came in very handy.


We had the most wonderful visit, though. Four weeks of time with my parents, Memmae and Popi, meant that they got to experience lots of our routine and many new accomplishments on the part of both boys. They really bonded with them, and I can tell that part of the difficulty for them in settling back down at home has been separation from their grandparents.

***

Getting back to Portland is fraught with meaning for me as a mama. The last month closed my first year as a mother, and also brought to an end the time I had set aside to be staying at home with the boys. Financially, I can't swing it anymore. We're losing our private health insurance this month, and I haven't been able to find the time to grow my business to the point where I'm making enough regular money. It's all ok - I have room to be flexible and deal with these changes and challenges, but it means that I am going to have to find reserves of energy, clear thought, frugality, and patience in deeper places than I have yet had to search.

the birth day mama and her boys

The next few months loom in front of me and seem to be a kind of proving ground for me as a single mother to my beautiful sons. I face the reality that I will be spending less and less time with them at a point in their development when they are learning, changing, and accomplishing new things every day. I will certainly miss many of their milestones in the moment of unfolding. I fear the sadness I will feel on days when I spend time with them only in the hardest hours of their day, and when I think of them growing more attached to other care givers, I feel both happy for their expanded world of people who love them and loss at having to share their precious daily hours with someone else.

When I was 21 and in my first marriage, I started trying to have children. Fifteen years, three relationships, countless pregnancy tests, 12 cities, three languages, a Bachelor's Degree, hours and hours of therapy, yoga, meditation, self-reflection, and a complete re-orientation of my life later, I am a mother. Everything in that list except becoming a mom seems now to just have been stepping stones - secondary to the drive and deep, consuming desire to be raising children. To say I wouldn't change a thing wouldn't be true - I don't think I have fully come to terms with all of the loss I endured over those long, heartbreaking years - but to finally be living my dream of having children is miracuous, and is the source of rivers and oceans of gratitude.

The next chapter to unfold is the one where I get to continue to co-create a family with the boys and - for now - my sister, and it's also the part where I get to dream up and realize the contribution I want to make through my career. I have just become aware of how I put aside getting clear about my vocation in my quest to be a mother - how exciting (and scary) that I can now begin to hone in on my talents, my strengths, and the unique way I can give back to this world through my work. I have walked in enough shoes, worked a great variety of jobs, and seen myself succeed in diverse situations to know that if I can just empty my mind of fear and expectation, I can and will discover my calling that is ready to emerge from within. It will be when I find that familiar excitement and joy that I will know I am on the right track.

And so we go on. I'll try in the upcoming posts to catch you up on the last month, and hope you'll share your own victories and inspirations with me as I knuckle down in the months to come. I'm glad to have this place to try to make sense of it all.

words, muscles, and messes

Here's another highlights post - happenings from the past week or so:

There's been a lot of fun and laughter around these parts as the boys play with each other more and more. I remember those days of wondering when Shoghi would even begin to smile - Max smiled so much earlier. Now Shoghi is our laughing, squealing boy, full of vivacious, high energy, while Max is full of good cheer, loves to be tickled, and giggles for his "bra-bra".

the twinnies received their first First Birthday gifts - hank knit sweaters from Auntie Knittah!
They have no idea how lucky they are!

Here's Shoghi looking rather cheeky...

***

Max's language skills are improving by the day.
He can say mama, no, more, brother, and done, and he signs hi and more!
Looks like Auntie might be the next word, just in time for her birthday...

Fun with Food!

I decided to let the boys have at it, and defrosted some raspberries and marionberries.
What a hit, but what a mess! Thankfully it was warm - after it was all said and done, I plopped them into the kiddie pool to get cleaned off.

Shoghi looking a little dazed...

Max definitely got more on his lap than in his mouth!

***
Finally, yesterday Max surprised me by pulling up to standing! Since he's not truly crawling, hasn't figured out how to push into a sitting position from his tummy, and wasn't doing the kind of acrobatics Shoghi was when he stood, I really didn't even see it coming!

brother moment

Max has started saying "brother," which is completely adorable, especially since he kind of growls it - "bra-bra" is how it sounds.

So, tonight just as the bedtime routine was kicking in, Max was really melting down. I had to sit him on the floor so I could get all bedtime stuff: the pjs, diapers, eczema cream. He was sitting there, the poor little guy, just crying his heart out. Shoghi crawled up, then sat down right across from him. He studied Max's red, crying face, then gave Laurie a look across the room, right before dissolving into sympathetic brother tears.

It was the first time this kind of empathy has passed between them. I foresee many incidents of such brotherly love in our future....

baby fave books

Oh, remember how hard things were at 6 and 7 months old? I probably sugar-coated it here, but there was constant whining and crying, and desperate, constant attempts at making the babies happy. Friends told me that when they could sit up, things would get better, and they did. Then it was "when they can go from sitting back to their tummies, things will get better," and they did. Creeping, then crawling, was such an adventure for Shoghi, but Max just lay there on his belly, complaining what he couldn't move. His recent new mobility has brought a whole new level of fun and contentment to our home.

Other things have also changed. Their hands are more coordinated, and they understand more words. They love books, love climbing into the bouncy chair, l-o-v-e electrical cords (and are learning, if ignoring the word "No!"). When things get iffy a couple hours after eating, they love sitting on the blanket on the living room floor with a bowl of TJs O's cereal. Now they can entertain themselves for several glorious minutes at a time.

I wanted to share some of their favorite things with you, and remember them for the boys! In this post, we'll talk about:

Books!

We're a big reading family. Between my parents, my siblings and me, we all love and highly value books. I've been reading to the boys for a good while, and they seem to have gravitated to them as a favorite passtime. Just this morning, Laurie was with the boys, and said to Shoghi, "what's that you have? Is that a book?" and Max crawled right over to the bookshelf. You might remember that Shoghi's first attempt at crawling was to get a book. Be still my heart - a bibliophile in the making!

The boys seem to become interested in a couple of particular books at a time, and want them to be read several times (before we, the readers, get bored and try to hide them!). In the past couple of months, favorites have all been books that we read dramatically, making special animal sounds, or accompanying the rhythm of the story with a shaker.

Here are some of them: Tykeosaurs, which involves Max roaring on the last page; Freight Train, a classic by Donald Crews; Chicky Chicky Chook Chook, a fun read that we use a rattle or shaker to accompany the words. Shoghi's current favorite is called Haiku Baby. He even has a favorite page - when we get to the "leaf" page, his little face lights up in a huge smile, and he laughs while we read the haiku: "yoohoo, peekaboo/ wind plays tag with autumn leaf/ catch me if you can." Max has really started to get into I Love Animals - we often have to read this over and over again, complete with animal sounds for every page. I adore that they love books, and hope it becomes a lifelong joy to them as it has been for me.


I'll be talking about our other baby faves in the days to come, so be sure to come back! More importantly, please share your baby favorites with us! We (and "we" means me, my sister, and our awesome sitter) are always, always interested in new baby toys, games, books and ideas!

steady as he goes

Shoghi's still in the same phase of pulling up on select items - particularly the exersaucers and the toy hamper. He's really into climbing into the bouncy chair and making something of an amusement park ride out of it - I'll have to try to get it on video before he gets so strong that I have to put the chair away!

Max is getting stronger in his crawling every day, which has significantly decreased the amount of whining he's doing. I'm very grateful for that!

I haven't been very inspired about posts lately! What do you want to know about our little lives right now? Got a question or topic in mind? Let me know about it in comments and I'll use the ideas for up-coming posts.

Thanks!