showing up

more silence from celeste. two crazy busy weeks, with literally every moment occupied with more than one task as the demands of crafting for the farmer's market, stumbling over piles of things-in-progress, running after my sons, playing, shopping, cooking, discussing parenting challenges with my sister, fighting the recently constant tide of depression, worrying about money, wondering what to do next.

i never want to write these things here. many blogs i love are all about beauty, about finding the beauty in the moment, usually hiding the recent chaos, the piles of laundry, the dirty dishes. the writing is excellent, the photos polished, gorgeously framed, glowing with light and passion and love. i'd love to come here with daily writing about my amazing boys, about successes in mothering, growth as an artisan, discovery in homemaking and leave out how daunted i am, how overwhelmed and lost in this land of single and unemployed twin parenting.

so it turns out that the heavy task of shaping my current surroundings into something exclusively happy and shiny, or just having the brain power to sit quietly and suss out the beauty of my days, this prevents me from writing at all. i don't keep a paper journal. and because i'm afraid to be judged for my faults, afraid to frame myself in negativity (which is also not true or complete by any means), i stop writing. i stop communicating with myself save some brief quiet moments when i first lie down on my bed at night, those moments before my dark whispering ego selves start their insistent conversations and keep me up in the late hours of the night.

so what do i do? i guess i'm going to just try to write it down. i hope if you decide to keep reading that you'll read my words with a wider lens, knowing that if i'm talking about lack of this or that, or a particular parenting test, or what have you, that it's only here because i'm trying to figure it out. have to write it down. want to remember these dominant lessons, the ones that are thorny and sting, along side the ones that unfold easily in luscious colors and textures.

because that's really how life is, isn't it?

i've been feeling for quite some time that i'm in a very "live and let live" phase of my life. so i'm going to exercise the same expansive allowance for myself to just show up and celebrate the mess along with the beautiful.

cooking this week

After my last post about menu ideas, a friend emailed to gently suggest I was too ambitious in the kitchen. I wish that were the case! When I am having a bad day (or days), we eat a lot of scrambled eggs with pesto, our most reliably-eaten meal. The little tykes are finally eating boxed mac and cheese, and they really love the chicken breakfast sausage, party meatballs, and frozen gnocchi dishes we get at Trader Joe's. But I have had a constant struggle with my weight (and really, with eating well) since adolescence, and I have had high blood pressure on and off since my long hospital stay after being in a head-on car crash in 2004. I'm concerned about my own health, and I am really striving to set good habits for my children. I want my kids to be among the exception to the obesity epidemic we are experiencing in this country. I want to be around and healthy to meet my grandchildren and have them know me.

Maybe my meal ideas look a little complicated, but really the part I struggle with the most is cleaning up! For now, while I am still at home with my children, I hope to continue cooking meals with basic ingredients and avoid processed foods as much as possible. As spring unfolds, I also hope to find us eating more veggies, something often lacking from meals.

Looking back on what I wrote last week, I'm doing pretty well. My lack of specific planning showed a little last night, when I was in the middle of a several-hour-long anxiety attack. I ended up cooking brown rice (which Max ate) and made the sauce for butternut squash mac and cheese, but no pasta. Thankfully Laurie came home early and cooked up some breakfast sausage, made some corn, and we warmed up some of the delicious chicken pot pie she had made the night before. When the boys refused everything but the meat, they ended up eating whole grain c*heerios with milk and raspberries while I sat between them trying to catch my breath. What a mess!

There have been better moments, though, like when Korin came over on Sunday and we made our sweet potato gnocchi to freeze. It's so delicious, but sadly I'm the only one here who will eat it.


I made sweet potato and cheddar quesadillas, and the boys actually ate them!

I also managed to make four loaves of cardamom bread, but I forgot to add the cardamom. We gave loaves to friends and sent one to work with Laurie to the delight of her colleagues.




We also made a corned beef crockpot meal, but it was too sour for both me and Laurie. I think I'm going to throw together an easy lentil soup this afternoon, to go with that brown rice from last night. I want to get more meat-free meals on the table. Do you have favorite vegetarian meals? I'd love to hear em!

bedtime ritual

I'm a pretty regimented mom. We have a schedule that has evolved over the past year, and I love it. We're firmly down to one nap a day now, too, and did I tell you that I finally got Shoghi off of those stressful nighttime milk bottles? Yep - the the past month, he's given up his bottle, and is also doing better at sleeping through the night (finally!) most of the time.

Our most consistent ritual, though, is bedtime, which we call sleepytime. After dinner, the boys go a little nuts, running, squealing with laughter at each other, getting out the last of the day's big energy. If they're terribly messy after their meal, we go up and they take a bath, once or twice a week. About a half an hour later, I put on a DVD - usually Goodnight Gorilla - and we all sit down and watch together while pajamas are put on and teeth are brushed.

a typical end-of-day scene of snuggling, tv-watching, and a big mess in the background

After as little as 10 and as long as 20 minutes, we all head upstairs - the boys crawling up the staris themselves. They both stand in Shoghi's crib in his room (they've been in separate rooms since they went into cribs), and I read several books, sing a song or two, and then the boys say goodnight to each other with kisses and hugs, which has recently evolved into lying on top of each other, rolling around, laughing with each other, and sometimes ends with someone being bitten (remember our problems with biting? it's back, and now they both bite!).

shoghi taking a nap

Then I take Max to his room, settle him in his crib, returning afterward to Shoghi's room to give him a small bottle of water which he keeps in his crib all night, sing to him, and say good night. Many times, that's it - they might chat for a while, but they both calmly go to sleep. They're generally sleeping by 7, which is a blessed, early time. Since they get up so early - Max gets up at 5:30 consistently - the early bedtime is a necessity for us all.

napping Max, who still loves his thumb!

on the table (or floor)

the ew face

Well, so much for daily blogging, eh? Maybe someday life will shape up that way again. For now, I thought I'd share with you some links to recipes I've been trying.

Remember how I was excited about weekly menu planning? Well, it hasn't gone so well. For one, the boys are getting pickier by the day, and when I try new recipes (or sometimes even old ones), they don't eat what I'm serving. Pot roast was a hit one week and a total flop the next. Ribollita soup was gobbled up once, never to be touched again. As a rule, neither of them likes leftovers. To complicate matters, my sister is lactose intolerant, so many things I make, she can't eat. For me to be left with (for example) a 9x13 pan full of three cheese baked ziti to eat myself is just frustrating.

How do you all deal with picky eaters who are not yet old enough to serve themselves? Those of you who've never had this problem, well, just don't tell me about it, ok?

Here are a few of the recipes I've tried in the past few weeks:

Baked rice: very easy, great cleanup. I was the only one who ate any, and it was a little crunchy for my taste. I'll try it again and use a little extra water.

Chocolate chip zucchini bread: delicious, and the boys will eat it. I was glad to get rid of the zucchini, which until now has been one of the only veggies I could count on the boys to eat. Alas, those days are gone.

Polenta wedges: really tasty, but the boys wouldn't touch it. Really annoying, since our most reliable dinner is sliced polenta from a tube and marinara sauce.

Mom's chicken pot pie: mmm, how we love a good pot pie. I got my toddlers to eat the inside, but they wouldn't eat the crust. The first time, they turned up their noses to the whole thing. I'll post our family recipe soon.

What's on your menu for this week? In this house, we may have eggs and polenta every single day.

rice play

Here's an activity that, like pool in the kitchen, worked for us for quite a few of the early toddler months. Now that they boys are hitting 18 months, I find that their new skill of gleefully throwing things (especially rice and sand) prevent us from bringing out the rice play, but it was great up until just a couple of weeks ago.

Setup: I bought a 25-pound bag of the cheapest rice I could find at our local Asian market, and used about half for this activity. I just dragged our plastic pool in from the garage and set if on the kitchen floor on top of a large sheet. Then I dumped the rice inside and gave the boys a number of bowls, spatulas, and other pouring objects. I resigned myself to them eating the rice, and over the course of playing with this many times, I didn't notice any resulting tummy troubles.

When the boys are done, I put them in their high chairs so I can clean up without them under foot. I pour the rice into a plastic tub and store it in the garage for future play.

Now that the boys are so steady on their feet, a nice sand table would be perfect for rice play indoors, though I'm quite sure it would still involve the thrill of throwing and pouring the rice on the floor. It's a great activity, though, and keeps them occupied for up to 20 minutes.

Note: right before I got our sandbox, I did try doing this outside a few times, but it was kind of a pain. Twice I forgot to sweep up the rice in our haste to get into the house, and both times it rained, making it much harder to clean up.

january, a month of constant vigilence

January has been quite a month! The boys are both now solidly walking, talking up a storm, and signing quite a lot! We endured two rounds of colds, our first case of impetigo, and the emergence of 6 out of our 8 canines (Max still hasn't hatched his bottom two). This has led to extreme sleep disturbances, and an average of 4 hours a night of sleep for me, as I spent my nights shuttling between my unhappy boys. For the first time in a very long time, I actually had to enlist my sister's help during the night on at least two occasions. By the end of the month, it also became clear that it was time to try reducing to one nap a day - we're still in the throes of that transition.

some beautiful weather this month meant a lot of time outside.
shoghi discovers soil for the first time.

the emotional needs of toddlers can be so intense. thank god i'm in the habit of babywearing. i honestly don't know what i would do without my carriers.

This was our third month since our dear Emilia retired from caring for my boys in order to welcome her own sweet baby. To say I've missed her is an extreme under-statement; in short, the household fell into complete disorder, I had to close Bamboo Village Press and completely abandon my other brand new business Good Karma Marketing. If you are one of the many friends or family who has emailed, commented, left voicemail, or sent a message via facebook, you may suspect that I have been ignoring you - in reality, I just haven't had any time. I haven't listened to voicemail for about two weeks, to be honest. I guess I'm a little shut down these days.

This month, I was inspired by several of my mama-of-multiple friends and a visit to All Roads Montessori School to give the boys more opportunities to participate in learning about daily life. Miriam is a mom of triplet girls who sent me a very helpful intro to setting up the house in Montessori-style, following a visit from my friend Jolene who planted the idea that I could use this method at home.

we took these lights down and the boys were both so fascinated, i decided to put them in a basket on the shelf. they carry the basket to the table and i plug them in. we've talked a lot about colors this month, so this activity was a good match.

These inspirations have mostly involved changes in mealtime and cycles of activity. I've deliberately refrained from using the word "help" when we're tidying up or doing other chores - I want them to get a sense that it's just a part of the day, and that they are responsible participants, not helpers. I've capitalized on their obsession with sweeping and vacuuming to make these a part of completing meal times and activities involving messy play (like rice or bean play).

any excuse to sweep
much fighting ensues over whose turn it is with the broom. i hope to get two child-sized brooms this month

Jen described in a recent post how she does meals with her twins. Until that time, I'd been resigning myself to the bowl-hurling, and had convinced myself that they weren't ready for dishes - for the most part, I was putting their food right on the table, which seemed logical after they both graduated from highchairs with trays back in December. Then I started serving them on those plastic plates with little divided sections, and they LOVED it.


At the same time, I realized that this was going to require me to be at the table with them at all times, not preparing each different dinner item as the meal progressed (i.e. as they rejected the last thing). They both really love seeing all their food at once, and generally go for the fruit first, but don't complain when it's done. I did a lot of praising - basically a running commentary of "wow! Max is keeping his plate on the table!" and "Shoghi, I love how you're eating with your spoon!"

All of this work has yielded real fruits: we have very little food throwing, and virtually no plates end up on the floor anymore (wish I could say the same about spoons and forks, but you gotta start somewhere, right?). I do preempt the throwing, though... if I see them gearing up, I say "oh, it looks like you're done. Let's move your plate" or something along those lines. I also tell them that I'm going to help them to remember how to do something, rather than just taking it away.

messy baby/clean baby.
some things never change!

In celebration of this amazing mealtime transformation, and after visiting the Montessori school, I got some small ceramic plates and cups from Goodwill and that's now what we are using at the table. They seem to love their open cups, and like watching me pour their milk (which I give about a tablespoon at a time).

our new place settings

The other major change has been that I basically follow them around now during their active time, and draw their attention back when they're finishing an activity. I tell them that I see they're finished with it, and tell them that we'll put it back on the shelf. I didn't really think they were even hearing me, but last Monday at the doctor's office, I told them we were going to put the toys away before leaving the exam room, and Shoghi actually picked up a toy and put it away! I was so shocked and excited!

In a similar vein, Max has learned to pick up his juice cup or any snacks he has (intentionally) dropped onto the floor from their small table (which I use for snacks) and put them back onthe table. He stands there and applauds for himself, which is totally darling.

This constant attention to what they are doing, and my running narrative of what we are doing and how we are finishing, has definitely contributed to my lack of time to get anything done. By the time the boys are in bed and the kitchen is cleaned up, I have just about done everything I can for the day. I watch an hour or so of TV with my sister and then head off to bed, only to be invariably woken an hour or two later to attend to one of the boys... and so it begins again.

In February, I'm counting on better sleep, unless our 2-year molars decide to show up early (there's been a lot of chewing on fingers this week). I will definitely have to do some kind of modified sleep training for Shoghi, who has reverted back to his persistent, angry wakings of a year ago. Plus, I have got to get rid of his nighttime bottle once and for all... and so the story goes.

we discovered planes this month: "A PLANE!!"

I'm glad to leave the stress of January behind, and look forward to this month which will bring a visit from my parents. Be well, Internet friendlies!

newton's law applies to toddlers

A toddler in motion will tend to stay in motion...

Life is so fast-paced these days, especially since we're in our second week of trying to transition to one nap. Today, for example, Shoghi had one 30-minute nap in the car from 9:45 to 10:15, and Max slept at home from 10:20-11. By 2pm I had two desperately tired, uncoordinated, biting, whining, hungry children who didn't want to eat in their exhausted state. No opportunity for a second nap though, since we then had to go see the pediatrician for an official diagnosis of impetigo.

The boys are now in bed (it's 6:31 and they are already asleep), and after this long day (on top of about 3 weeks with an average of 4 hours of sleep for me) I'm about ready to collapse. I'm thinking an 8 o'clock bedtime is in order.

potty learning begins

I'm easing into the whole potty learning phase with the introduction of books, the occasional wearing of training pants, baby proofing the downstairs bathroom, allowing the boys to see their new potty, as well as drawing regular attention to their... elimination. I've always used proper body part names with them, and we use the words "pee" or "pee-pee" and "poop." I just talk about it in the context of changing diapers or them peeing on the fl0or if they're naked or wearing training pants. Unlike some of my friends, I don't make up silly song about poop. It's just not my style!

So, all I can say, having just received in the mail my new copies of Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series) and Once Upon a Potty -- Boy, is I don't think I'm ready for this.

"Just like you, Joshua has a body, and this body has many nice and useful parts..." (ok so far)

"A Pee-Pee for making Wee-Wee...." (oh, Lord... Wee-Wee???)

"A bottom for sitting and in it a little hole for making Poo-Poo." (oh, my.... "a little hole"?)

A Pee-Pee? Wee-Wee? Poo-Poo?

Why are they capitalized? Why are we using the word "Pee-Pee" for a p*enis?

Seriously? I'm such a prude. The pile of poop on the floor on Page 28? Gross! And while I'll admit Everyone Poops is pretty funny, it still grosses me out to see all the piles of turd on page after page!

Why on earth must so many books about potty learning involve the child putting the potty chair on their head??? How would they ever conceive of it being a hat without such a prompt?!?

I'm all about the books, though, so I'll put up with all this silliness in the name of getting these guys out of `diapers. They seem to be fascinated, anyway.

There you have it, my friends. Thus begins what will surely seem like a lifetime of potty talk and potty humor. I'll say it again:

I don't think I'm ready for this!

weekend contrast

Back when I was first really learning about the law of attraction, I learned about contrast. That is, I learned that sometimes the things that are resonating as DON'T WANTs are there to provide you the contrast to see what you DO want. You might have a dishwasher you hate. Either you can focus your attention in a negative way on the situation, saying over and over "I hate this stupid dishwasher," or you can choose to create an alternative in your head, so you might say instead, "Wow, this is dishwasher of my dreams!" even as you are loading an unloading the current one. You're not denying that you have a crappy dishwasher, but you're focusing instead on the dishwasher you wish to have. What you're going for is to elicit the emotion you wish to have in relation to your dishwasher (or whatever). Does that make sense? It's a little Depression Era psychology, perhaps... a little trick of the mind.

Weekends are a particularly contrast-ful for me. My sister who lives with me and the boys works on the weekend days, and most of my friends here spend family time on the weekend, doing chores around the house, spending time together, going on outings. This leaves me by myself with the boys most of the time. I often find myself throwing a little weekend pity party out of loneliness and the wish that I had someone I was sharing this with.

It's just not how I ever imagined I'd be raising children. Having been married before, I had every expectation that I would be hanging around in my pajamas with my hubby and kids, drinking hot coffee, eating a warm breakfast, shuffling around the house on Sundays (at least sometimes). It's the feeling I liked to cultivate when I was married, and it's the resonant memory of my childhood home. Instead, it's just another day, and if the boys are particularly whiny or bored, it makes me all the more grumpy that there isn't anyone else who can just take over as their parent for a moment.

I guess it would be different (jeez, soooo different) if I was working, and the only long days I had together with the boys were on the weekend. It surely will soon come to pass that this becomes our rhythm, and realizing this gave me pause.

As I was driving today, I was thinking about all of this, and I remembered someone's recent facebook (or was it on mothering?) comment where they were remarking how we often don't see a milestone until it's past. It made me think that these long days of babbling, whining, playing, toddling, and diapers are indeed fleeting, and that there are things I will miss when they've moved onto other things which will, no doubt, bring me equal amounts of delight and frustration. It's just life, and time, and we don't get to do this again, no matter how tired or bored or lonely the mama feels.

Maybe I'll try to think up something special (and free) that we can do every weekend. Since a relaxing day with a life partner isn't happening right now, I should think of a way to give to the boys in a fun and memorable way. I need to set the stage for the emotion I desire.

In the end, all these months of weekend loneliness have brought me to this place. It's provided me with contrast, showing me what I ultimately wish for --- the relaxed, homey feeling of my childhood Sundays. My task now is to figure out how to make it happen - to create the emotion I wish for, rather than dwell on the feeling of lack.

Tell me, what are your happy weekend routines and traditions? Have you ever blogged about it? Let's hear your ideas!

not so fast

i finally gave in and let m have a second nap at 3:30 after his 20-minute nap from 11:30-11:50.

Well, I don't know about this one nap thing. The boys are clearly not ready for it. I'd show you the pictures and video I took during our extremely LONG and WHINY day yesterday, but the tears and snot would probably gross you out, and the whining in the video might just split your eardrums. I'd probably lose my entire readership in one post.

too tired to even eat lunch at 11am, we resorted to bottles with some rice cereal added to fill up hungry, sleepy tummies.

So, yeah. Today we're back to two naps. The little guys were so exhausted from the change, which was expressed by Max in his verbal/emotional way (i.e. lots of crying and whining) and by Shoghi in his physical/kinetic way (i.e. lots of biting). I guess for now I'm just going to have to find a peaceful place in my heart about not having any time by myself during the day. I think it must be in there, but it's very, very small. I need time alone - I needed it before having children, and even more so now that I'm using every neural connection to try to succeed at finding my way in this phase of my life. In short order, I'm going to have to get brave and accept some of the childcare help that's been offered... if you and I are friends on facebook, you no doubt know what I mean, since most of my chatter about this subject gets directed there.

What that means is that Bamboo Village is taking over the downstairs. All kinds of things find their way into the boys' hands. Prototypes of new designs for the spring are lying in various states of production, and all flat surfaces seem to be gathering more and more layers of items to be packed, made into final products, photographed or put away. It's kind of crazy, but with the boys at my feet all day, what else can I do?

a ruler's not dangerous, right?
that was yesterday... just look at those tired eyes!

max today with his smart new haircut - behind him you can see one of my double happiness fish towels

Today I had to take the boys to get yet another haircut. All the food in the long hair is pretty gross. Turns out, today is exactly a month since their first haircuts. Max's hair is so thin, it probably won't need a trim for a while, but I had them cut Shoghi's hair extra short, since it grows so very fast.

To be honest, even though S looks adorable with his new do, I'm not so crazy about this truly boyish style. It just seems so tough somehow... too hard? Too mature? I don't know... for some reason, it brought forward a lot of thoughts and fears about having a rough and tumble boy... I am having such a hard time teaching Shoghi to be gentle - Max currently has three nasty bruises from Shoghi biting him. It'll grow on me, I know... there was just a little shock seeing him look so different today!

dish

Toddler eating is getting to be a little crazy-making in our home. No, the throwing hasn't really begun (and please, Lord let it not!), but picky eaters? Spitting out food? Dropping loads of painstakingly-prepared food onto the floor? Oh, my yes.

The favorite food group by far is fruit. These boys would eat only fruit all day long if I let them. The canned peaches I put up are going fast, and the 20 pounds of blueberries we picked and froze are eaten up already. Next spring I am seriously going to have to invest in a chest freezer to put up many times more than what I did this year. Max signs peach, apple, pear, and grape with glee, squeals for berries and apricots, and tucks into whatever fruit I set before him with great enthusiasm.

Last week, zucchini sauteed in garlic was the only veggie I could get them to eat; this week, they won't have anything to do with it.  Last night I made a seriously fabulous sweet potato dish that they wouldn't touch. The most frustrating part is the whining and clingyness that descends upon our home after 4pm -- prime time for dinner making. Shoghi wants only to be in my arms - he has a great fascination with chopping, cooking, and the stove. When I put him down he cries bitter tears and bites my legs. I had to stop wearing him in the ergo last week when he bit my shoulder so hard I wondered if he was going to come away with a mouthful of flesh. That wasn't one of my prettiest mama moments, lemme tell ya.

So, after practicing mindfulness, patience, and measured breathing for the better part of an hour (or more) at the end of a long day, when we sit down to eat and they won't take more than 2 bites of whatever I have cooked, I find myself feeling rather grumpy. I crack open another jar of pears; I spoon out yet another bowl of yogurt. Goldfish, anyone? I remember reading recently that toddlers have gotten most of their calories already during the day, so dinner doesn't need to be too big, and I remind myself that dinner can actually be the smallest meal of the day... but then I put them to bed with anxieties of them waking up in the middle of the night, and so I beg them to take one bite more.

So, in the spirit of leaving these exploring, blossoming little beings who are developing opinions and preferences to their little devices, I thought we'd take a moment to share some yummies that the grown-ups will certainly enjoy. Let toddler have yogurt and fruit only... we have other things to eat!

First, I give you this cookbook: Feeding the Whole Family: Cooking with Whole Foods which I read about over the summer. I adore this book, from its lovely cover art, to its explanations of cooking whole grains, to its pages of inspiring recipes that I can't wait to try. I've made the maple nut granola so many times already - it's becoming a weekly activity. It is so good, it's worth getting the book just for that.

Second, I thought that you might appreciate the wonderfully delicious sweet potato dish I concocted last night, so here you have it:

Carmelized Sweet Potatoes with Pine Nuts

2 medium sweet potatoes, cubed
1 small onion, chopped
1T minced or grated ginger
dry rosemary
butter
olive oil
2T honey
1/4c pine nuts
salt and pepper to taste
parsley

Steam sweet potatoes in a basket steamer for approximately 10 minutes, or until fork tender, set aside.

While the sweet potatoes are steaming, carmelize the chopped or sliced onion in 1T of butter and 1T olive oil and a dash of salt. Cook over medium heat to slowly soften, then brown the onion. When onion is almost done, add a pinch of crushed, dry rosemary and ginger, continuing to sautee until onion is nicely done.

In a separate dry pan, roast pine nuts until light brown and fragrant. Set aside when done. 

Increase heat to medium-high, adding more oil if necessary to ensure that the sweet potatoes will be well-coated after adding. When the pan it hot, add sweet potatoes and then honey, turning to cover with oil/onion. Allow to cook slowly and brown, stirring every few minutes, adjusting heat as necessary.Salt and pepper to taste.

When there's a nice brown crust on the potatoes, add the pine nuts. Garnish with parsley if desired.

***
Let me know if you try it - I'd love to hear what you think! And if you have any toddler favorite recipes or tips, bring em on - I beg of you!

Bon apetit!

differentiation

When you have twins, you're gonna get questions. Starting when you're pregnant, people feel very comfortable stopping you to chat about your size, how you became pregnant with twins (does it run the family?), and how you're going to cope. After the babies arrive, the questions - and comments - continue.

Are they twins?
How do you do it?
A boy and a girl?
Oh, that's double trouble!
You must be really busy!

They stop me while shopping to chat, they ask personal questions about my pregnancy, the boys' conception, and make guesses about their personalities. They want the boys to smile, and wave, and say "hi." They guess at who is older, which I find ridiculous because they're basing their guess on the fact that Shoghi is bigger - as if being a minute older than your twin would contribute somehow to your size??

I try to use this as an opportunity to connect with people - to stop for a moment and breathe, and remind myself that in our busy society, most of the time we don't even look at each other, nevermind stop to chat with strangers. I want to model openness and patience to my children. I want them to learn to offer a friendly smile when people bend down to talk to them.

Sept 2009

Sometimes, though, the questions and comments are less welcome. When I am running to enter a restaurant in the pouring rain, with one toddler in a carrier tied to my front, and the other in my arms on my hip, with my bag falling off my shoulder and rain dripping down my face, it would be nice if they'd just offer to help - to get the door or even hold a baby - rather than smiling and offering a mere "you've got your hands full".

playing together at Oxbow Park

Starting this summer, some have begun to ask me how close in age the boys are. When I say "one minute apart," they stare at me blankly before I add "they're twins." "Really?" they balk. "Yes, twins. They're fraternal, so it's just like two brothers in a family - except that they developed at the same time." "Wow, they look so difffffffferent," they say, not in an altogether kind way. Now that they've got a year under their belts, and their teeny-tinyness is gone, Shoghi and Max are obviously different. Shoghi is much bigger - two weeks ago, he weighed nearly 25 pounds, while Max was just hitting 20. Shoghi is about 3" taller than his twin. Max has straight, reddish hair and brown eyes, and Shoghi's got sandy, wavy hair and gray eyes. Max wears a size smaller in clothes and shoes, and soon, diapers, too, as I'm afraid I'm going to have to buy size large cloth diapers for Shoghi in the next couple of months.

Forest Hills Park, September

But there's one more question I've been hearing a lot lately... and it's one that sits so strangely with me that even as people continue to ask, I continue to not know how to respond. Complete strangers ask me if Shoghi has Down's Syndrome. In fact, it's been happening enough that we'll be seeing his pediatrician to find out conclusively. You know, it's been quite a meditation for me. If he does have this chromosomal abnormality, he will still be exactly my same Shoghi. We will just know something different about him - albeit something that may have siginificant implications. My perception will have to shift, my expectations for how I will parent him may have to be altered. But in a way,that's just the life of a parent anyway - personalities, temperaments, learning abilities and styles, physical strengths and weaknesses... sicknesses and diagnoses; they all come with the territory.

But there's that part of me that's always hurt. Why are people asking me this? Even more - why do they think it's ok to ask me? Maybe it's the shape of his eyes. Our donor is Bolivian - maybe AmerIndian. Shoghi's eye shape has never seemed strange to me. In fact, he actually looks a lot like I did when I was his age. But still, having people ask me if my son has a possibly life-altering medical condition is - to say the least - uncomfortable. I hate that strangers make assumptions about my children, and while it's just a normal part of being a parent to discover that people do this, it has come as something of a shock. Why is it ok to ask something like that about a baby? Is it alright if I turn back to the same woman and ask if she is in menopause?

Shoghi

Just as I'm sure I'd have loved to have identical twins, I really adore the experience of having fraternal twins. It is an endless source of fun to have two such different children developing side by side. Whatever their similarities, whatever their differences, I am just so grateful to have them.

*top photo by Amy Crawford Photography

winter pantry

In case you weren't aware, the Pacific Northwest is a place of bountiful fruit harvests. The berries (of more varieties than I can possibly name) start coming in late June, and keep going with late crops until the end of September. It's really amazing to live in such a place. I was so inspired by my friend's canning prowess that I decided this would be the year to learn.

In July, right before we left for Massachusetts, we picked 15 pounds of blueberries in about 90 minutes. Of course, the boys helped...


I was afraid we were going to miss all the action - especially peaches - while back East. One weekend right after getting back to Portland, Korin, Ryan and I headed out to a farm for marionberries. I wish we'd gotten photos - Max was on Ryan's back, and by the time we were done picking, Ryan was drenched in purpley-red berry juice. Korin graciously made jam for me, and by then I was convinced I could do it myself. Though we weren't able to pick any raspberries ourselves, I was still able to get amazing deals at our local farmer's market on flats of raspberries, marionberries, and blackberries... and then my love of preserving fruit took hold.

Picking late season blackberries on Sauvie Island.

Harvested grapes and blackberries --- from our own urban backyard! Our neighbor's grapes are draped into our yard, and wow, I had no idea how amazing fresh grapes are. Next year, we'll be making grape jam for sure!

Over the past month, I have canned and frozen an extraordinary amount of fruit for the boys. I feel so abundant and blessed to have such beautiful fruit to give them all winter long. All the fruit was local, and it feels good to know that over the winter, I can just buy local apples to give them fresh fruit, and the rest will come from my own pantry. For my first season of ever doing this, I think I kicked some serious ass! The peaches specifically were so easy and so, so delicious that I canned a TON. Don't ask me how I/we managed to do this with two toddlers under foot. It was definitely hard, and many, many afternoons I stood by the sink in the kitchen, peeling peaches while the boys whined and threatened to pull my pants off by the legs, wondering why I was making such efforts. Most of the work was done at night - their 7pm bedtime helped.

Two nights ago, we finished the exhausting work of preserving into the night, and today I stowed away all the jars in our cabinets and in the garage. Here's what we got:



Frozen
Blackberries, Blueberries, Raspberries and Marionberries:
4 gallon bags
17 quart bags
(this does not include what we've already eaten, which must be 2 gallon bags by now!)

Basil Pesto - 15 1/2 pints

Canned
Peaches
22 quarts of sliced peaches in low-sugar syrup
8 pints of low-sugar jam

Marionberry - low-sugar jam
2 quarts
7 pints

Blackberry - low-sugar jam
8 pints
1/2 pint jars - 3

Raspberry - - low-sugar jam
1 quart
3 pints
1/2 pint jars - 9

Tangerine Slices (canned by Korin!)
7 quarts

Strawberry-Raspberry low-sugar jam
2 pints

Blueberry Butter
1/2 pint jars - 7
1 pint

Barlett Pear Slices
10 quarts

Totals:
32 quarts sliced fruit
29 pint jars of jam/butter
19 half pint jars of jam/butter

"raspberry, jazzberry, razzamatazberry"

playful

My, my, how these kids now play! Every week, we notice them playing together more, imitating each other especially at mealtime, chasing each other, playing peek-a-boo, and handing toys back and forth. OK, that last one more commonly plays out as them taking toys from each other and then the other bursting into frustrated tears, but sometimes we'll all three be sitting and they will play with a toy together, taking turns kissing our stuffed kitty, puppy, or lamb.They still love to play with the same playsilk that has entertained them since little babyhood, only now they notice each other and will hide under the silk and laugh.


They love to stir containers of water - this is an especially absorbing game for Shoghi these days - it can keep his attention for 15 minutes sometimes!


Sometimes interactions go best when they are somewhat separated - here they are playing and laughing while Shoghi was in the highchair:



They also like to watch us do things now - they try to brush our teeth and feed us, put hats (and boxes) on our heads. It's pretty fun, except of course that it involves half-chewed food...


Shoghi is doing a lot of standing, and now takes notice of other kids. He hasn't quite figured out the social graces involved with being in other people's space yet...


On the other hand, Max loves engaging socially with others. We see our best friend Ruby almost every day, and if I say "walk," "Korin" or "Ruby," he starts calling "Weeee-be" or "Beeee-be" until he lays his happy eyes on her. Here they all are, playing in the Sandy River at Oxbow Park:


Here he is with our little friend Madden. They were playing peek-a-boo together, and Madden had Max laughing away!

When I think back, a few months ago, there was a lot more whining. I couldn't leave them alone for more than 2 or three minutes at a time. Now, though, things are much easier. I guess when they say if you make it through the first year with twins, this is what they mean. Life is good!!