rice play

Here's an activity that, like pool in the kitchen, worked for us for quite a few of the early toddler months. Now that they boys are hitting 18 months, I find that their new skill of gleefully throwing things (especially rice and sand) prevent us from bringing out the rice play, but it was great up until just a couple of weeks ago.

Setup: I bought a 25-pound bag of the cheapest rice I could find at our local Asian market, and used about half for this activity. I just dragged our plastic pool in from the garage and set if on the kitchen floor on top of a large sheet. Then I dumped the rice inside and gave the boys a number of bowls, spatulas, and other pouring objects. I resigned myself to them eating the rice, and over the course of playing with this many times, I didn't notice any resulting tummy troubles.

When the boys are done, I put them in their high chairs so I can clean up without them under foot. I pour the rice into a plastic tub and store it in the garage for future play.

Now that the boys are so steady on their feet, a nice sand table would be perfect for rice play indoors, though I'm quite sure it would still involve the thrill of throwing and pouring the rice on the floor. It's a great activity, though, and keeps them occupied for up to 20 minutes.

Note: right before I got our sandbox, I did try doing this outside a few times, but it was kind of a pain. Twice I forgot to sweep up the rice in our haste to get into the house, and both times it rained, making it much harder to clean up.

january, a month of constant vigilence

January has been quite a month! The boys are both now solidly walking, talking up a storm, and signing quite a lot! We endured two rounds of colds, our first case of impetigo, and the emergence of 6 out of our 8 canines (Max still hasn't hatched his bottom two). This has led to extreme sleep disturbances, and an average of 4 hours a night of sleep for me, as I spent my nights shuttling between my unhappy boys. For the first time in a very long time, I actually had to enlist my sister's help during the night on at least two occasions. By the end of the month, it also became clear that it was time to try reducing to one nap a day - we're still in the throes of that transition.

some beautiful weather this month meant a lot of time outside.
shoghi discovers soil for the first time.

the emotional needs of toddlers can be so intense. thank god i'm in the habit of babywearing. i honestly don't know what i would do without my carriers.

This was our third month since our dear Emilia retired from caring for my boys in order to welcome her own sweet baby. To say I've missed her is an extreme under-statement; in short, the household fell into complete disorder, I had to close Bamboo Village Press and completely abandon my other brand new business Good Karma Marketing. If you are one of the many friends or family who has emailed, commented, left voicemail, or sent a message via facebook, you may suspect that I have been ignoring you - in reality, I just haven't had any time. I haven't listened to voicemail for about two weeks, to be honest. I guess I'm a little shut down these days.

This month, I was inspired by several of my mama-of-multiple friends and a visit to All Roads Montessori School to give the boys more opportunities to participate in learning about daily life. Miriam is a mom of triplet girls who sent me a very helpful intro to setting up the house in Montessori-style, following a visit from my friend Jolene who planted the idea that I could use this method at home.

we took these lights down and the boys were both so fascinated, i decided to put them in a basket on the shelf. they carry the basket to the table and i plug them in. we've talked a lot about colors this month, so this activity was a good match.

These inspirations have mostly involved changes in mealtime and cycles of activity. I've deliberately refrained from using the word "help" when we're tidying up or doing other chores - I want them to get a sense that it's just a part of the day, and that they are responsible participants, not helpers. I've capitalized on their obsession with sweeping and vacuuming to make these a part of completing meal times and activities involving messy play (like rice or bean play).

any excuse to sweep
much fighting ensues over whose turn it is with the broom. i hope to get two child-sized brooms this month

Jen described in a recent post how she does meals with her twins. Until that time, I'd been resigning myself to the bowl-hurling, and had convinced myself that they weren't ready for dishes - for the most part, I was putting their food right on the table, which seemed logical after they both graduated from highchairs with trays back in December. Then I started serving them on those plastic plates with little divided sections, and they LOVED it.


At the same time, I realized that this was going to require me to be at the table with them at all times, not preparing each different dinner item as the meal progressed (i.e. as they rejected the last thing). They both really love seeing all their food at once, and generally go for the fruit first, but don't complain when it's done. I did a lot of praising - basically a running commentary of "wow! Max is keeping his plate on the table!" and "Shoghi, I love how you're eating with your spoon!"

All of this work has yielded real fruits: we have very little food throwing, and virtually no plates end up on the floor anymore (wish I could say the same about spoons and forks, but you gotta start somewhere, right?). I do preempt the throwing, though... if I see them gearing up, I say "oh, it looks like you're done. Let's move your plate" or something along those lines. I also tell them that I'm going to help them to remember how to do something, rather than just taking it away.

messy baby/clean baby.
some things never change!

In celebration of this amazing mealtime transformation, and after visiting the Montessori school, I got some small ceramic plates and cups from Goodwill and that's now what we are using at the table. They seem to love their open cups, and like watching me pour their milk (which I give about a tablespoon at a time).

our new place settings

The other major change has been that I basically follow them around now during their active time, and draw their attention back when they're finishing an activity. I tell them that I see they're finished with it, and tell them that we'll put it back on the shelf. I didn't really think they were even hearing me, but last Monday at the doctor's office, I told them we were going to put the toys away before leaving the exam room, and Shoghi actually picked up a toy and put it away! I was so shocked and excited!

In a similar vein, Max has learned to pick up his juice cup or any snacks he has (intentionally) dropped onto the floor from their small table (which I use for snacks) and put them back onthe table. He stands there and applauds for himself, which is totally darling.

This constant attention to what they are doing, and my running narrative of what we are doing and how we are finishing, has definitely contributed to my lack of time to get anything done. By the time the boys are in bed and the kitchen is cleaned up, I have just about done everything I can for the day. I watch an hour or so of TV with my sister and then head off to bed, only to be invariably woken an hour or two later to attend to one of the boys... and so it begins again.

In February, I'm counting on better sleep, unless our 2-year molars decide to show up early (there's been a lot of chewing on fingers this week). I will definitely have to do some kind of modified sleep training for Shoghi, who has reverted back to his persistent, angry wakings of a year ago. Plus, I have got to get rid of his nighttime bottle once and for all... and so the story goes.

we discovered planes this month: "A PLANE!!"

I'm glad to leave the stress of January behind, and look forward to this month which will bring a visit from my parents. Be well, Internet friendlies!

outside!

The weather here has been so nice recently. After being bound to the inside walls of the house for about 6 weeks in November and December due to rain, we've been thrilled to open the back door again and let the boys loose on the yard.

A couple of days ago, Shoghi even pronounced his first word with two different syllables: outside. It was so exciting for him and us! He is also signing the same word in this video:

experimenting with toddler passtimes

fridge lotto magnets

I've been trying a lot of new activities with the boys lately, experimenting with what they're ready for and what is still too much of a challenge, too dangerous (to the other twin), or too messy. I'm pretty resigned to cleaning up messes, and believe strongly in allowing the boys to explore objects that engage their senses. That said, all of these were from over a week ago - for several days, I've just been too tired to deal with it!

Here are some of the ways I've modified our space and activities we've tried.

Table and Chairs

This little table is set up in our kitchen/dining area. I use it right now to put snacks out - I'm working diligently (and not yet successfully) to help the boys learn to keep their food on the table, both here where they have the freedom to come and go, and at the big table we all use for meals. I have tried placing activities, like sorting games or stacking rings, on the table, but that really only works when I am sitting with one of them. I had to replace the chairs that came with the table with these shorter stools - although they both loved the idea of having chairs, they were just too tall for now.

Fridge Lotto

Shoghi has been captivated by flowers for quite a long time, but recently he has learned to actually say "flowers," so we hear about these spring beauties all day long. I got the book "Planting a Rainbow" for him at the library a couple of weeks ago, and he's been quite delighted by the colorful blooms on the pages. On a whim, I whipped up this little fridge matching game. I simply drew a bunch of different flowers and a sun, which at the time was Max's newest word, and stuck it to the fridge with a piece of contact paper cut to a larger rectangle size. I glued corresponding images into baby food jar lids, and stuck a magnet on the back.

Although they both point to the flowers and sun, the magnets mostly just get thrown. We've already lost two of them! Clearly, this matching game is too advanced. They love magnets, though, so I think we'll make more.

Frozen Colors

I got this idea browsing the forums on Mothering. I just took a silicone ice cube tray, putting one drop of food coloring in each cube with water.


This has turned out to be a nice activity for the floor in the kitchen. It's messy, and I have to make sure they don't walk away with these potential carpet stain cubes, but they both liked handling the frozen ice. If you're sensitive to the idea of the kiddos ingesting food coloring, look for a natural version at your local health food store.

We have many books about colors right now, so this is a great hands-on activity to reinforce color differentiation. Some of the favorites this month: Flaptastic Colors and Planting a Rainbow: Lap-Sized Board Book.

prepping the colors

Fingerpaint

This speaks for itself... Max in his typical full body exploration style has taken to fingerpaints with relish, but I think I'm going to have to get some paint brushes for Shoghi, who seems pretty grossed out by the feel of it.

What are some of your favorite toddler passtimes?

Click these links to see more photos of our activites or join our flickr group and share your toddler fun photos?

crazy friday

Dear Mom,

Sorry I missed your call today. I forgot to charge my phone last night, and it died this afternoon right after I heard your voicemail. You asked how things are going, and wanted to check on Shoghi and the new shift to forward-facing car seats.

Little guy is doing much better - the fever passed, but left behind it those horrible canines doing their nasty work on his mouth. He's been pretty possessive of Mama (something new) and has started hitting all of us in some brand new (and very long) temper tantrums that started up right after the sickness had gone. His way of talking also changed. I'm glad this dramatic behavior shift didn't come after a vaccine - it seems very pronounced, and I definitely would have been concerned. As it is, I guess it's just a developmental shift and we'll just continue to try to think creatively about what he needs from us (i.e. me and Laurie) to help him feel secure.

As far as the car seats goes, they're quite happy with them, I think. Max especially is really talking about things he sees, which is fun. The photo of Shoghi sleeping is from the day after his fever passed. He has been sleeping a LOT these past few days - as in 12 or 13 hours at night and 2 naps of 1.5 - 3 hours during the day. Poor guy is pooped. See the french fries in his sleepy hands and his furrowed brow/pout? Damn those teeth!


Today was such a packed day - why do I try to squeeze so many things in on the same day? I was really smart last night, though - I laid out everything I would need for us to get out the door, which sometimes can take a full half hour! From the moment we woke up, I was on the go - first morning snack (grapes and mozzarella), then breakfast (scrambled eggs with avocado and cheddar, sliced orange, waffle with jam), and morning nap. Max decided to skip his nap, so instead of doing some of my planned prep, I spent about 30 minutes trying to get him down. Finally I gave up and Laurie took over so I could shower. I packed our diaper bag and hopped in for a 5-minute wash.

We were out the door by 9:45, and I have to say I was pretty impressed with myself. It wasn't as stressful as usual, and I was excited to get to our first destination - a Reggio Emilia-inspired daycare/preschool just 7 minutes from our house.

Sadly, I was disappointed by the experience. The school was in a nice facility, but that's just what it was - very functional and institutional feeling. Fluorescent lights felt very harsh in the classrooms, which were set up exactly the same way as the traditional preschool I worked at in high school. The 18-30 month room felt very small, and I was very disappointed that they didn't have a single climbing apparatus, either inside or on the small toddler playground.

When I asked about their philosophy and how they characterized it as RE, the assistant director told me that they were very proud of their educational focus and curriculum, which from what I could see was just basically a plan for what the kids would do every day, moving them from free play to art, to gross motor play, etc. She told me that the teachers give an art project and show the kids what it "should" be, and then let the kids do what they want with the materials.

Another question that's very important to me is how they deal with normal toddler aggression. I listened to the teacher tell me that they use redirection and comfort the hurt child, but when I pressed them for further actions they take with biting children (I told them that Shoghi is just growing out of a biting habit), they immediately jumped to telling me about having the kid removed from the program for two weeks until they stop the biting behavior. Needless to say, that landed pretty hard on me. A truly experienced toddler program should have a detailed explanation for how they deal with behaviors such as this, and not simply indicate to a concerned parent that things could go from redirection to expulsion. It just seemed to lack expertise and certainly didn't seem to involve the parent in any kind of strategy.

I guess I figure if I have to pay someone $1500 a month to watch my two kids 3 days a week, I'm looking for something that is a much more creative environment - one that feels relevant to my children and one whose approach and curriculum will support the kind of development I want to give them. Not that I can even dream of affording such a huge sum of money to send my boys to daycare... I find myself more and more wishful that I can somehow afford a Montessori program. Going back to school to become an ESL professional is seeming more and more like the thing I should do if I'm going to find my way back to working a job that will support us.

From there, we went to visit our little twin friends. The boys and girls ran around getting into stuff while Elizabeth and I shouted fragments of conversation at each other from opposite ends of the room. (ok, I exaggerate a little, but you know what I'm talking about if you've spent time with 4 curious 1-year olds). We had a fun visit and left there in time to come home for a snack of peanut butter and banana (a first, which they gobbled up!) and a nap.


You might think this meant a break for me, but nope. I didn't even sit down for the next hour and a half. I had signed up to bring dinner to our former babysitter, who just had a baby two weeks ago. I actually succeeded at making my weekly menu (for the first time!) and had planned on making sabzi pollo, that wonderful Persian rice dish with baby lima beans, dill, parsley, and garlic. Being slightly delusional as I always am when it comes to estimating how much time things will take, I had decided to buy fresh herbs, which meant 30 minutes of washing, pinching and chopping. Oh, and our garbage disposal has been broken for a week, which also disables our dishwasher, so I had to do quite a lot of dis washing before I could even start cooking. Max woke up while I was in the middle of making this meal, so I set him on the floor with a canister of dry split peas and let him go at it.

I was pleased with how he played with this Montessori-inspired activity. I gave him the canister with the peas and a 1/4 cup measure, and showed him how to scoop the beans into a second bowl. This was the second time I tried this with him - the first being just last week when he was only interested in eating the hard, dry legumes, which didn't thrill me. This time he played with them for quite a while, which bought me enough time to finish most of the prep.

Here's Shoghi, meeting the baby on Wednesday. He's really starting to grasp the concept of "gentle." Both the boys really love seeing babies - they've started asking for them when we get in the car.
I won't bother going into the bizarre baby fever that seeing and holding this little peanut is provoking in me.

We didn't get out of here to deliver the meal until 3pm, which is basically the start of the last two hours of their playtime. We got back to our neighborhood at 4, and I decided to drive right to our good old quiet mall and let them run wild. It was pretty exhausting for me keeping them corralled by myself, but it was good for them to run around for a while.

Home again, then dinner, cleanup and our bedtime routine, and now the boys are in bed at 6:45. I have an entire kitchen of dishes to wash, but my new strategy of getting the floor wiped down and the toys put away while the boys are awake is really working well - it's not quite so overwhelming when I finally get them to sleep.

Well, that's how our day went! I just thought since it was already too late to call that I'd send a little (ok, a very long) note your way.

Love to you and Dad!
c

messfast

This right here is why we have eggs for breakfast almost every day. Max is a very, very messy eater. It's really a full body experience for him.

While we're on the topic of breakfast, it took me a while to figure it out, but Max's word for eggs is "wee". Very cute.

On this particular morning, we were having cream of wheat with chopped dates and raspberries. Yummy in the mouth, pretty disgusting all over a squirmy toddler. You know this is why I have to drink so much coffee, right?

mid-way through breakfast...


and here at the end... (he's talking about Auntie leaving for work)

calling it in

Sometimes you just have to call in favors. Yesterday was one of those days. It wasn't a bad day for me, but Max was finally back to his normal goofball self at the same time that poor Shoghi fell under the curse of whatever illness is going around. Laurie pointed out this morning that it seems like the second twin to get sick over here always gets something worse... why is that? Shoghi is burning up with fever and completely lethargic, and poor Max just wanted both of our attention for playing. I asked on facebook (also known as facecrack to those of us who spend most of the day alone with children and feed our desire for connection through our daily postings) if anyone could take Max for a while, and sure enough, soon I had both a friend to take him out and another friend saying she'd bring over dinner. Seriously, how lucky am I??

You know the best part of it? It's when the favor you need ends up making someone else's day better! Here's Korin's post about taking Max and her daughter shopping yesterday.

pool in the kitchen

If there's one thing I know about getting through the day, it's that late afternoons before dinner time are of critical planning importance. No matter if the little fellas wake up from afternoon nap at 2:30 or 4, they whine, cling, and cry their way through until dinner is on the table. By this time, I am also tired, and sadly, I rarely have a solid dinner plan. I do a lot of wandering around the kitchen, looking blankly into the cabinets the same way a person like me might look under the hood of a car, dumbly expecting the solution to emerge with neon lights and a happy little tune.

As I enter this new year, I have rededicated myself to planning this time of day ahead of time. I have reserved Sunday nights for menu planning, and unlike many of my friends who only make dinner menus, mine will include all three meals plus snacks. How much easier is my life going to be when I know what needs to be cooked when, which snacks to pack up or set on their little table, and what meals are on the way? It is a relief just thinking of it.

Last week, the whining was really wearing me down. Typical meal-prep video distraction was not working. I was too tired to try to make dinner with one 30-pounder on my back and another 20-pounder in my arms.

making dinner is challenging with only one hand.

I ran out in the rain and grabbed the summertime wading pool, flicking off those ugly Portland slugs as I jogged towards the door. I carried it in over the pulling hands and whiny cries and dumped it on the floor, then put two small bins filled with warm, soapy water into the pool right in the kitchen and let the boys go at it.


We turned up the heat, stripped off their clothes and dropped in some toys, and I bought myself 20 minutes to get dinner ready. Granted, it resulted in a wet floor and extra cleanup for me, but this is definitely a trick to remember for hard days that I will no doubt be using again.

the bright side of these brothers

Hey, so I'm really ok... I just have to blow off a little steam every now and then! Yes, the sleep thing does really get to me, but if you know me in person, you know that I have a tendency to stress out a little too easily, so no worries.

As the boys get older, it's so awesome to see these little glimmers emerging of their relationship as brothers. They play peek-a-boo several times a day, and belly button tickling is an endless source of brother giggles. They chase each other down the hall, play imitation games at meals, and make each other laugh with their antics.

see this? it's my BELLY!

Belly? That's cool, but wait... PEEK-A-BOOOOOOO!!!

Equally present and increasingly problematic is the inevitable sibling rivalry... or maybe it's not rivalry yet, but it's more the fact that they're not problem solvers in time yet. When one sees something the other one is playing with, he becomes fascinated and wants to take it immediately, despite the fact that the same toy might be sitting beside him. It's a source of a lot of crying, hair pulling, pushing and biting. I'm dealing with it in stride, I think... our worst biting problem is not from these situations of frustration but either tiredness or affection. Shoghi's expression in the form of locking his jaws on people has been going on for 6 months now, and I really haven't yet found a working strategy for handling it.

So, anyway, in and around the things that challenge me, there are the bright, lovely times that remind me that pulling out all my reserves (every day!) is worth it, and that I am on the path I love, even when it's hard. I am so lucky to be a mama, and even more so to get to be mama to these two amazing boys. I love them so much!

all belly buttons, all the time

not so fast

i finally gave in and let m have a second nap at 3:30 after his 20-minute nap from 11:30-11:50.

Well, I don't know about this one nap thing. The boys are clearly not ready for it. I'd show you the pictures and video I took during our extremely LONG and WHINY day yesterday, but the tears and snot would probably gross you out, and the whining in the video might just split your eardrums. I'd probably lose my entire readership in one post.

too tired to even eat lunch at 11am, we resorted to bottles with some rice cereal added to fill up hungry, sleepy tummies.

So, yeah. Today we're back to two naps. The little guys were so exhausted from the change, which was expressed by Max in his verbal/emotional way (i.e. lots of crying and whining) and by Shoghi in his physical/kinetic way (i.e. lots of biting). I guess for now I'm just going to have to find a peaceful place in my heart about not having any time by myself during the day. I think it must be in there, but it's very, very small. I need time alone - I needed it before having children, and even more so now that I'm using every neural connection to try to succeed at finding my way in this phase of my life. In short order, I'm going to have to get brave and accept some of the childcare help that's been offered... if you and I are friends on facebook, you no doubt know what I mean, since most of my chatter about this subject gets directed there.

What that means is that Bamboo Village is taking over the downstairs. All kinds of things find their way into the boys' hands. Prototypes of new designs for the spring are lying in various states of production, and all flat surfaces seem to be gathering more and more layers of items to be packed, made into final products, photographed or put away. It's kind of crazy, but with the boys at my feet all day, what else can I do?

a ruler's not dangerous, right?
that was yesterday... just look at those tired eyes!

max today with his smart new haircut - behind him you can see one of my double happiness fish towels

Today I had to take the boys to get yet another haircut. All the food in the long hair is pretty gross. Turns out, today is exactly a month since their first haircuts. Max's hair is so thin, it probably won't need a trim for a while, but I had them cut Shoghi's hair extra short, since it grows so very fast.

To be honest, even though S looks adorable with his new do, I'm not so crazy about this truly boyish style. It just seems so tough somehow... too hard? Too mature? I don't know... for some reason, it brought forward a lot of thoughts and fears about having a rough and tumble boy... I am having such a hard time teaching Shoghi to be gentle - Max currently has three nasty bruises from Shoghi biting him. It'll grow on me, I know... there was just a little shock seeing him look so different today!

down to one

Hey, thanks for all the birthday wishes! It was such a lovely day, and your kind words went straight to my heart!

It's been such a hectic time here. Napping has been way off for both the little fellas, with Max showing clear signs that he just won't sleep for more than a combined 11-12 hours per 24 hours. My ability to get stuff done for Bamboo Village was seriously diminished by having many days in a row of absolutely no alone time as the boys were snoozing at different times, not to mention being able to achieve the basics of, oh, you know... minor things like washing diapers or cooking meals.

Finally I decided three days ago that it's time to switch from two naps a day to one... or at least try it and see what happens. It's unfortunate for little Shoghurt, or "sho-du" as Max calls him -- he's a very happy sleeper, and adores his morning and afternoon nods.


So far, it's going fairly well. Max still hasn't had a day of napping for more than 90 minutes, and is still waking up between 5 and 6am, much to my dismay. Today we made morning stops at two friend's homes, and by 11am when we got home for lunch, Shoghi just couldn't make it a second longer. Laurie and I laughed hysterical but sympathetic bursts while the little fella struggled to keep his eyes open... we tried jiggling him, feeding him, standing him up on his feet, but his eyes kept rolling, and finally he dropped off to dreamland while I was changing his diaper. It was so pathetically funny. I was very bummed that my camera was without batteries! It was super sweet.


So, now that our visits with family and friends are over until my parents come in February (we can hardly wait!), I'm trying to get the house back in order, pack some things for our upcoming move, keep these active boys entertained, and tend to my lovely Bamboo Village. I even managed to post over there today about some of the creative projects in the works, as well as some brief words on the challenges of doing this with the boys under foot.

the new normal

I am totally overwhelmed. Today, it seems, nothing is going right -- in fact, I'm so screwed, I am just sitting here on my couch, feeling frozen and unsure of what I can even do.

I hate feeling this way. I look at other women mothering toddler twins and can't imagine how they do it. Keep a clean house? Cook good meals that the babies will actually eat? Keep up with laundry; keep the children from biting or hitting, or otherwise hurting each other; pay the bills; deal with paperwork; create interesting things to do; find a way to earn some money???? I feel like I am failing on every single front.

I am trying to run my Etsy shop and get a marketing workshop organized for January. It's becoming clear to me that this path isn't going to work. Not only am I not making any money - I'm losing it. Re-investing in my shop is turning into a nightmare. Finding time to promote either of these ventures is completely impossible. I want to cry at the thought of it all.

When I was pregnant, I thought of China as my backup plan. If I ran out of money and couldn't find a job, I'd just move back there for a year or so. It's cheap to live, the food is great, work is plentiful, and it's easy to hire a nanny. Now that I have children, moving to another country seems insane. There's no way I can take the boys away from their auntie - their other parent. This morning I was lying in bed with Max, and in the dark he awoke, saying "Mama, Mama, Mama. Auntie, Auntie, Auntie. Shoghi, Shoghi, Shoghi." It was so sweet - that litany of his favorite people. It still amazes me to be at the top of that list. Hell - it amazes me to be ON the list. I'm a mother! Despite the feelings I describe in this post, I am filled with gratitude for even having these problems... to say I love these boys and being their mama doesn't even begin to convey the depth of that emotion.

Anyway, it is just so clear that I have to make this work. Here, in Portland. And "MAKE it work" is what it feels like. Forcing something to happen. "This shop must generate some income;" "This workshop must get off the ground." This feeling of desperation is backfiring, though... I feel everything I try to push into existence full of resistance and refusing to budge. My grad school application got filled out, but when it came to sitting down and articulating my goals, I froze. I tried for weeks. Finally, I gave up and told the admissions coordinator that I'd finish the app for summer session.

This morning was our last day with E, our babysitter who has taken care of the boys on and off since they were about 2 months old. Just thinking of it brings me to tears, not only because of how much the boys and I will miss having her around (she's about to have a baby herself!), but on a very basic level, it simply means that I have no more help. I have no more mornings to sit at the cafe for a couple of hours and organize my thoughts. I have no more time to deal with a job search without the boys pulling at me or threatening to bite me (or each other). I have not been able to afford having her for some months, but the alternative of not having anyone has brought me to keep having her over. That luxury is over, though... I'm not in a position to find someone else.

I just feel like it's all building up to a big disaster. I feel incapable and paralyzed. I feel, every hour, overwhelmed. Sadly, this has become my new normal.

friday randomness

It shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone that by Friday I haven't an organized thought left in my head. Combine that with Max spiking a fever today and napping very little, and I got a little scared I wouldn't get my posting done. Fortunately, bedtime was mercifully easy tonight, and the little munchkins are sleeping already. Thought I'd just show you a few photos from the week. I have a new post up here, too, fyi!

 our first time fingerpainting! 

 

 there was much eating of the fingerpaint...

 

 Max finally learned how to stick out his tongue!

 

 Shoghi, where are your teeth?

 

 why do bark chips and random pieces of cement remain interesting to eat??? 

 

cutest brothers on the block!

clip, snip!

At just 3 days shy of 15 months old, Max and Shoghi had their first haircuts today. We went to Rudy's Barbershop, and had the woman who cuts my hair do the honors. The boys sat way up high on the old fashioned chair and handled themselves really well. No crying or fear - it was awesome!

Max just got a little trim in the back, mostly for the sake of the twin brothers hitting this milestone on the same day. 

 first up!

bye-bye baby mullet!

Shoghi was really quite shaggy, and his bangs were bothering him all the time. I thought perhaps his future self wouldn't approve of me putting barrettes in his hair. I wanted to preserve the curls, though, so we didn't go too short.

this morning

 little mister shaggerton

 

 

It's strange and beautiful to see them with their little haircuts - I love them!