january, a month of constant vigilence

January has been quite a month! The boys are both now solidly walking, talking up a storm, and signing quite a lot! We endured two rounds of colds, our first case of impetigo, and the emergence of 6 out of our 8 canines (Max still hasn't hatched his bottom two). This has led to extreme sleep disturbances, and an average of 4 hours a night of sleep for me, as I spent my nights shuttling between my unhappy boys. For the first time in a very long time, I actually had to enlist my sister's help during the night on at least two occasions. By the end of the month, it also became clear that it was time to try reducing to one nap a day - we're still in the throes of that transition.

some beautiful weather this month meant a lot of time outside.
shoghi discovers soil for the first time.

the emotional needs of toddlers can be so intense. thank god i'm in the habit of babywearing. i honestly don't know what i would do without my carriers.

This was our third month since our dear Emilia retired from caring for my boys in order to welcome her own sweet baby. To say I've missed her is an extreme under-statement; in short, the household fell into complete disorder, I had to close Bamboo Village Press and completely abandon my other brand new business Good Karma Marketing. If you are one of the many friends or family who has emailed, commented, left voicemail, or sent a message via facebook, you may suspect that I have been ignoring you - in reality, I just haven't had any time. I haven't listened to voicemail for about two weeks, to be honest. I guess I'm a little shut down these days.

This month, I was inspired by several of my mama-of-multiple friends and a visit to All Roads Montessori School to give the boys more opportunities to participate in learning about daily life. Miriam is a mom of triplet girls who sent me a very helpful intro to setting up the house in Montessori-style, following a visit from my friend Jolene who planted the idea that I could use this method at home.

we took these lights down and the boys were both so fascinated, i decided to put them in a basket on the shelf. they carry the basket to the table and i plug them in. we've talked a lot about colors this month, so this activity was a good match.

These inspirations have mostly involved changes in mealtime and cycles of activity. I've deliberately refrained from using the word "help" when we're tidying up or doing other chores - I want them to get a sense that it's just a part of the day, and that they are responsible participants, not helpers. I've capitalized on their obsession with sweeping and vacuuming to make these a part of completing meal times and activities involving messy play (like rice or bean play).

any excuse to sweep
much fighting ensues over whose turn it is with the broom. i hope to get two child-sized brooms this month

Jen described in a recent post how she does meals with her twins. Until that time, I'd been resigning myself to the bowl-hurling, and had convinced myself that they weren't ready for dishes - for the most part, I was putting their food right on the table, which seemed logical after they both graduated from highchairs with trays back in December. Then I started serving them on those plastic plates with little divided sections, and they LOVED it.


At the same time, I realized that this was going to require me to be at the table with them at all times, not preparing each different dinner item as the meal progressed (i.e. as they rejected the last thing). They both really love seeing all their food at once, and generally go for the fruit first, but don't complain when it's done. I did a lot of praising - basically a running commentary of "wow! Max is keeping his plate on the table!" and "Shoghi, I love how you're eating with your spoon!"

All of this work has yielded real fruits: we have very little food throwing, and virtually no plates end up on the floor anymore (wish I could say the same about spoons and forks, but you gotta start somewhere, right?). I do preempt the throwing, though... if I see them gearing up, I say "oh, it looks like you're done. Let's move your plate" or something along those lines. I also tell them that I'm going to help them to remember how to do something, rather than just taking it away.

messy baby/clean baby.
some things never change!

In celebration of this amazing mealtime transformation, and after visiting the Montessori school, I got some small ceramic plates and cups from Goodwill and that's now what we are using at the table. They seem to love their open cups, and like watching me pour their milk (which I give about a tablespoon at a time).

our new place settings

The other major change has been that I basically follow them around now during their active time, and draw their attention back when they're finishing an activity. I tell them that I see they're finished with it, and tell them that we'll put it back on the shelf. I didn't really think they were even hearing me, but last Monday at the doctor's office, I told them we were going to put the toys away before leaving the exam room, and Shoghi actually picked up a toy and put it away! I was so shocked and excited!

In a similar vein, Max has learned to pick up his juice cup or any snacks he has (intentionally) dropped onto the floor from their small table (which I use for snacks) and put them back onthe table. He stands there and applauds for himself, which is totally darling.

This constant attention to what they are doing, and my running narrative of what we are doing and how we are finishing, has definitely contributed to my lack of time to get anything done. By the time the boys are in bed and the kitchen is cleaned up, I have just about done everything I can for the day. I watch an hour or so of TV with my sister and then head off to bed, only to be invariably woken an hour or two later to attend to one of the boys... and so it begins again.

In February, I'm counting on better sleep, unless our 2-year molars decide to show up early (there's been a lot of chewing on fingers this week). I will definitely have to do some kind of modified sleep training for Shoghi, who has reverted back to his persistent, angry wakings of a year ago. Plus, I have got to get rid of his nighttime bottle once and for all... and so the story goes.

we discovered planes this month: "A PLANE!!"

I'm glad to leave the stress of January behind, and look forward to this month which will bring a visit from my parents. Be well, Internet friendlies!

potty learning begins

I'm easing into the whole potty learning phase with the introduction of books, the occasional wearing of training pants, baby proofing the downstairs bathroom, allowing the boys to see their new potty, as well as drawing regular attention to their... elimination. I've always used proper body part names with them, and we use the words "pee" or "pee-pee" and "poop." I just talk about it in the context of changing diapers or them peeing on the fl0or if they're naked or wearing training pants. Unlike some of my friends, I don't make up silly song about poop. It's just not my style!

So, all I can say, having just received in the mail my new copies of Everyone Poops (My Body Science Series) and Once Upon a Potty -- Boy, is I don't think I'm ready for this.

"Just like you, Joshua has a body, and this body has many nice and useful parts..." (ok so far)

"A Pee-Pee for making Wee-Wee...." (oh, Lord... Wee-Wee???)

"A bottom for sitting and in it a little hole for making Poo-Poo." (oh, my.... "a little hole"?)

A Pee-Pee? Wee-Wee? Poo-Poo?

Why are they capitalized? Why are we using the word "Pee-Pee" for a p*enis?

Seriously? I'm such a prude. The pile of poop on the floor on Page 28? Gross! And while I'll admit Everyone Poops is pretty funny, it still grosses me out to see all the piles of turd on page after page!

Why on earth must so many books about potty learning involve the child putting the potty chair on their head??? How would they ever conceive of it being a hat without such a prompt?!?

I'm all about the books, though, so I'll put up with all this silliness in the name of getting these guys out of `diapers. They seem to be fascinated, anyway.

There you have it, my friends. Thus begins what will surely seem like a lifetime of potty talk and potty humor. I'll say it again:

I don't think I'm ready for this!

crazy friday

Dear Mom,

Sorry I missed your call today. I forgot to charge my phone last night, and it died this afternoon right after I heard your voicemail. You asked how things are going, and wanted to check on Shoghi and the new shift to forward-facing car seats.

Little guy is doing much better - the fever passed, but left behind it those horrible canines doing their nasty work on his mouth. He's been pretty possessive of Mama (something new) and has started hitting all of us in some brand new (and very long) temper tantrums that started up right after the sickness had gone. His way of talking also changed. I'm glad this dramatic behavior shift didn't come after a vaccine - it seems very pronounced, and I definitely would have been concerned. As it is, I guess it's just a developmental shift and we'll just continue to try to think creatively about what he needs from us (i.e. me and Laurie) to help him feel secure.

As far as the car seats goes, they're quite happy with them, I think. Max especially is really talking about things he sees, which is fun. The photo of Shoghi sleeping is from the day after his fever passed. He has been sleeping a LOT these past few days - as in 12 or 13 hours at night and 2 naps of 1.5 - 3 hours during the day. Poor guy is pooped. See the french fries in his sleepy hands and his furrowed brow/pout? Damn those teeth!


Today was such a packed day - why do I try to squeeze so many things in on the same day? I was really smart last night, though - I laid out everything I would need for us to get out the door, which sometimes can take a full half hour! From the moment we woke up, I was on the go - first morning snack (grapes and mozzarella), then breakfast (scrambled eggs with avocado and cheddar, sliced orange, waffle with jam), and morning nap. Max decided to skip his nap, so instead of doing some of my planned prep, I spent about 30 minutes trying to get him down. Finally I gave up and Laurie took over so I could shower. I packed our diaper bag and hopped in for a 5-minute wash.

We were out the door by 9:45, and I have to say I was pretty impressed with myself. It wasn't as stressful as usual, and I was excited to get to our first destination - a Reggio Emilia-inspired daycare/preschool just 7 minutes from our house.

Sadly, I was disappointed by the experience. The school was in a nice facility, but that's just what it was - very functional and institutional feeling. Fluorescent lights felt very harsh in the classrooms, which were set up exactly the same way as the traditional preschool I worked at in high school. The 18-30 month room felt very small, and I was very disappointed that they didn't have a single climbing apparatus, either inside or on the small toddler playground.

When I asked about their philosophy and how they characterized it as RE, the assistant director told me that they were very proud of their educational focus and curriculum, which from what I could see was just basically a plan for what the kids would do every day, moving them from free play to art, to gross motor play, etc. She told me that the teachers give an art project and show the kids what it "should" be, and then let the kids do what they want with the materials.

Another question that's very important to me is how they deal with normal toddler aggression. I listened to the teacher tell me that they use redirection and comfort the hurt child, but when I pressed them for further actions they take with biting children (I told them that Shoghi is just growing out of a biting habit), they immediately jumped to telling me about having the kid removed from the program for two weeks until they stop the biting behavior. Needless to say, that landed pretty hard on me. A truly experienced toddler program should have a detailed explanation for how they deal with behaviors such as this, and not simply indicate to a concerned parent that things could go from redirection to expulsion. It just seemed to lack expertise and certainly didn't seem to involve the parent in any kind of strategy.

I guess I figure if I have to pay someone $1500 a month to watch my two kids 3 days a week, I'm looking for something that is a much more creative environment - one that feels relevant to my children and one whose approach and curriculum will support the kind of development I want to give them. Not that I can even dream of affording such a huge sum of money to send my boys to daycare... I find myself more and more wishful that I can somehow afford a Montessori program. Going back to school to become an ESL professional is seeming more and more like the thing I should do if I'm going to find my way back to working a job that will support us.

From there, we went to visit our little twin friends. The boys and girls ran around getting into stuff while Elizabeth and I shouted fragments of conversation at each other from opposite ends of the room. (ok, I exaggerate a little, but you know what I'm talking about if you've spent time with 4 curious 1-year olds). We had a fun visit and left there in time to come home for a snack of peanut butter and banana (a first, which they gobbled up!) and a nap.


You might think this meant a break for me, but nope. I didn't even sit down for the next hour and a half. I had signed up to bring dinner to our former babysitter, who just had a baby two weeks ago. I actually succeeded at making my weekly menu (for the first time!) and had planned on making sabzi pollo, that wonderful Persian rice dish with baby lima beans, dill, parsley, and garlic. Being slightly delusional as I always am when it comes to estimating how much time things will take, I had decided to buy fresh herbs, which meant 30 minutes of washing, pinching and chopping. Oh, and our garbage disposal has been broken for a week, which also disables our dishwasher, so I had to do quite a lot of dis washing before I could even start cooking. Max woke up while I was in the middle of making this meal, so I set him on the floor with a canister of dry split peas and let him go at it.

I was pleased with how he played with this Montessori-inspired activity. I gave him the canister with the peas and a 1/4 cup measure, and showed him how to scoop the beans into a second bowl. This was the second time I tried this with him - the first being just last week when he was only interested in eating the hard, dry legumes, which didn't thrill me. This time he played with them for quite a while, which bought me enough time to finish most of the prep.

Here's Shoghi, meeting the baby on Wednesday. He's really starting to grasp the concept of "gentle." Both the boys really love seeing babies - they've started asking for them when we get in the car.
I won't bother going into the bizarre baby fever that seeing and holding this little peanut is provoking in me.

We didn't get out of here to deliver the meal until 3pm, which is basically the start of the last two hours of their playtime. We got back to our neighborhood at 4, and I decided to drive right to our good old quiet mall and let them run wild. It was pretty exhausting for me keeping them corralled by myself, but it was good for them to run around for a while.

Home again, then dinner, cleanup and our bedtime routine, and now the boys are in bed at 6:45. I have an entire kitchen of dishes to wash, but my new strategy of getting the floor wiped down and the toys put away while the boys are awake is really working well - it's not quite so overwhelming when I finally get them to sleep.

Well, that's how our day went! I just thought since it was already too late to call that I'd send a little (ok, a very long) note your way.

Love to you and Dad!
c

calling it in

Sometimes you just have to call in favors. Yesterday was one of those days. It wasn't a bad day for me, but Max was finally back to his normal goofball self at the same time that poor Shoghi fell under the curse of whatever illness is going around. Laurie pointed out this morning that it seems like the second twin to get sick over here always gets something worse... why is that? Shoghi is burning up with fever and completely lethargic, and poor Max just wanted both of our attention for playing. I asked on facebook (also known as facecrack to those of us who spend most of the day alone with children and feed our desire for connection through our daily postings) if anyone could take Max for a while, and sure enough, soon I had both a friend to take him out and another friend saying she'd bring over dinner. Seriously, how lucky am I??

You know the best part of it? It's when the favor you need ends up making someone else's day better! Here's Korin's post about taking Max and her daughter shopping yesterday.

pool in the kitchen

If there's one thing I know about getting through the day, it's that late afternoons before dinner time are of critical planning importance. No matter if the little fellas wake up from afternoon nap at 2:30 or 4, they whine, cling, and cry their way through until dinner is on the table. By this time, I am also tired, and sadly, I rarely have a solid dinner plan. I do a lot of wandering around the kitchen, looking blankly into the cabinets the same way a person like me might look under the hood of a car, dumbly expecting the solution to emerge with neon lights and a happy little tune.

As I enter this new year, I have rededicated myself to planning this time of day ahead of time. I have reserved Sunday nights for menu planning, and unlike many of my friends who only make dinner menus, mine will include all three meals plus snacks. How much easier is my life going to be when I know what needs to be cooked when, which snacks to pack up or set on their little table, and what meals are on the way? It is a relief just thinking of it.

Last week, the whining was really wearing me down. Typical meal-prep video distraction was not working. I was too tired to try to make dinner with one 30-pounder on my back and another 20-pounder in my arms.

making dinner is challenging with only one hand.

I ran out in the rain and grabbed the summertime wading pool, flicking off those ugly Portland slugs as I jogged towards the door. I carried it in over the pulling hands and whiny cries and dumped it on the floor, then put two small bins filled with warm, soapy water into the pool right in the kitchen and let the boys go at it.


We turned up the heat, stripped off their clothes and dropped in some toys, and I bought myself 20 minutes to get dinner ready. Granted, it resulted in a wet floor and extra cleanup for me, but this is definitely a trick to remember for hard days that I will no doubt be using again.

dead mall

People often say to me "I don't know how you do it." I'm sure most of the time, it's meant as a kind of compliment, or as a form of support. Sometimes it touches a nerve, though, as if I am up against some kind of impossible task -- this version of hearing is more of a reflection of my own self-frustration at not doing better at coordinating our daily life. It shouldn't seem so daunting to take care of two kids. I shouldn't be so lazy, tired, or whatever other self-defeating word comes to mind.

The fact is, just like most of the parents I know, I'm making it up as I go. I have a lot of good moments, though sometimes the bad moments seem much louder. I have routines that have worked for several months, and new possible additions several times a week. Toddlers have their own timelines for development, and what might work for one of my twins might not work for the other.

Although it's been a mild winter here in Portland, it's been nearly impossible for me to bring the boys outside to play more than twice in the past 3 or 4 weeks. They still resort to crawling when they're in a new environment, and all the rain has just made it too wet and cold for them to get that wet. Besides, they both have colds.

We all get a little stir crazy at home, but with all the school kids on vacation, I haven't felt comfortable taking them to the science museum's discovery room or the play area at the big mall. Being by myself, I just spend all my time corralling the boys, and that's really no fun for any of us.

Last week in a moment of desperation, I loaded us up and went to our closest mall where our Target is located. We almost never venture outside Target, the mall is just a vast, dark, one-story ghost land. When you google this particular defunct shopping center, deadmalls.com is one of the first entries.

Imagine my happiness, then, to realize that this is the perfect location for the boys to blow off some steam. We park the stroller at the tiny play area, but I let the boys run around. When other people are around, they don't seem to mind the squeals and squeaky shoes - they ask questions about twins and tolerate the boys with a smile.

Here's Shoghi at the entrance of the weird Asian-style portrait studio shopfront. His newest word is "flower."




At this mall, I can let the boys run around in the halls in opposite directions. It's great to be able to let them have such a wide berth.

Max, so confident on his legs now, walks towards the door to Home Depot.