hand me downs

My cheeky little guys wearing Ruby's sweet hand-me downs. It's hard to believe Shoghi's wearing these 24 month overalls while Max is still in the 12 month ones... Ruby was wearing these after we moved here. She seems so much older in these baby/toddler perspectives, but really what's a couple of years? Not much, and Shoghi's a giant!

Does this even make sense? I'm quite tired after sleeping only 2 hours in the past 36. Here's a few snaps of the boys posing in their Ruby-wear.

calling it in

Sometimes you just have to call in favors. Yesterday was one of those days. It wasn't a bad day for me, but Max was finally back to his normal goofball self at the same time that poor Shoghi fell under the curse of whatever illness is going around. Laurie pointed out this morning that it seems like the second twin to get sick over here always gets something worse... why is that? Shoghi is burning up with fever and completely lethargic, and poor Max just wanted both of our attention for playing. I asked on facebook (also known as facecrack to those of us who spend most of the day alone with children and feed our desire for connection through our daily postings) if anyone could take Max for a while, and sure enough, soon I had both a friend to take him out and another friend saying she'd bring over dinner. Seriously, how lucky am I??

You know the best part of it? It's when the favor you need ends up making someone else's day better! Here's Korin's post about taking Max and her daughter shopping yesterday.

Happy ThanksBirthday!

Being a late November baby as I am, my birthday always falls on Thanksgiving weekend. I wish I could find the card Laurie made for me when she was about seven years old - complete with a happy birthday girl, a turkey, and a mash-up name for a Thanksgiving birthday. I still have it somewhere... if I find it soon, I'll add it to the post.

Anyway, in spite of the stress I'm carrying around under the surface as mentioned in my last post, I do always feel like I am living my dream. The "problems" I have to solve these days are all a result of choosing this life, and despite the uncertainty and inner turmoil, I am grateful to have the opportunity to work through this all and come up with the next plan.

Thanks for Photos and for Family

Last month I told you we were going out to have a photo session and never came back to it. Well, we recently got our photos, and my friends, they do not disappoint. I can't tell you how special it is for Laurie and I to be captured playing with (read: chasing) the boys. I am filled with such deep emotion seeing the four of us together - you never know how close you will end up to your siblings, and let me tell you, I couldn't even dream up a better sister. To have her with us, to be a part of her developing career as an illustrator (can we say major new wholesale accounts??), to have someone to share the daily joys, laughter, exhaustion, and discovery of my miraculous children with... it is all a gift beyond measure. I know I go on and on about her, but really - how lucky are we? Soooooooooooooooooo lucky!!

up and down the stairs at Portland's Downtown Library
Photo by Nicole Renae

Nicole, our truly lovely friend and photographer, wrote about our session here, and has given me permission to share her photos online. If you're in Portland and want to meet both a fabulous lady and a gifted photographer, give Nicole a call. She's terrific. Here's a flickr set with some additional photos that aren't in either this post or in Nicole's.

reading is fundamental!

we thought the children's room at the library would be a great fit, given our family's culture of loving books.
Photo by Nicole Renae

Auntie and Shoghi signing "bird"
Photo by Nicole Renae

There is such an abundance of things that move me to send my deep thanks up to the heavens: my incredibly supportive parents and brother (and Whitney!), Korin and my amazing community of friends both in Portland and spread out across the country and world, this beautiful place we live... the list is continuously flowing. Thanks to you and all of this goodness from my heart and soul - 36 was a great year. May 37 (for me) bring us all light upon light, joy upon joy. Thanks for being a part of our journey.

dream schemes

photo and prayer flags by Catherine Just

A group of lady friends has been gathering at our home on Thursday nights. We come together, this small group of tight-knit friends, to set aside a time during the week for hope, for positive change - for our dreams. Over the summer, I had thought about having something like a devotional gathering every week, a time set aside to gather for prayer in whatever way spoke to each participant, and that wish for a positive time of reflection seems to have emerged as our dreamy Thursday nights.

This week, we took inspiration from one of my fellow Mondo Beyondo participants who made a beautiful prayer flag gardland out of her wishes and dreams. You can actually meet Catherine, this wonderful mama and artist, by visiting the blog she keeps about her sweet son Max and their family, or check out her brand spanking new Etsy shop, in which she sells her beautiful prints.

We sat together, seven friends, talking about our wishes, clarifying affirmation statements, envisioning how each of us would design our own prayer flags. I had foolishly thought we'd do this project in an evening, but soon after we started (I have a tendency to seriously underestimate the time it will take to do almost everything), it became clear that this get-togther would only be a jumping off point for us to create such an intimate and meaningful physical manifestation of our deepest desires.

In case you're thinking about creating prayer flags, I thought I'd share not only the photo above, taken by Catherine of her own prayer flags, but two links that have come my way since last Thursday.

The first is an article that gives a how-to for making Tibetan prayer flags with kids.

The second is a lovely blog post about an art installation of a canopy bed, where the canopy is actually made from the white ribbony streamers, each with its own wish. It's so delicate an beautiful - the friend who sent me the link said she's thinking about doing her prayers this way, and hanging them in a tree. How gorgeous - I just love the image of her words - her dreams - being carried in the wind like that.

How do you give voice to your dreams?

black ops

(I'm just going to announce here that I'm attempting to participate in this November's NaBloPoMo. Not really sure if I'll succeed in putting up a blog post every day, but I'm committing myself to it now!)

I've been wanting to tell you for a while that I'm taking an online course about Dreaming Big... it's called Mondo Beyondo, and is taught by two amazing women Jen and Andrea - and I learned about Andrea in the summer issue of Artful Blogging. Way back in Week 1 of the course, we were tasked with sharing some of the affirmations we were given. I sort of sat on this assignment for a while, waiting until I felt a Calling to put one out there. Some people left them in library books on Post-It notes... others left slips of paper in cafes or on bulletin boards.

Finally, a couple of weeks ago, I knew what I was going to do - write out one of the affirmations on the driveway of my close friends and neighbors. The days went by, though... I wasn't sure which one to write. These friends have had such a challenging year - so many unforseen expenses, so many changes in course, so much bad news... I didn't want to put something there that would seem shallow.

One night, as I lay in bed waiting for Max to fall asleep, on a day of more hardship for these friends, it came to me. I came downstairs and told Laurie what I was going to do. She stayed with the sleeping boys while I gathered up the sidewalk chalk and my camera and took a nighttime stroll to their house a few blocks away.

Something Greater Is Holding You

I felt so much joy and excitement, kneeling on the driveway, leaning on the chalk to leave them a message of love in the night. I imagined Ryan finding it in the morning on his way out to work. I thought of Korin coming across it when she came out to bring her daughter to school... and it felt so GOOD to be able to do something unexpected, something lively and joyful and "unnecessary". The night air, being alone, doing something creative - it really was a great exercise in service.

This week, I bought a huge tub of sidewalk chalk. I have a feeling my days of evening graffiti writing are only just beginning...

playful

My, my, how these kids now play! Every week, we notice them playing together more, imitating each other especially at mealtime, chasing each other, playing peek-a-boo, and handing toys back and forth. OK, that last one more commonly plays out as them taking toys from each other and then the other bursting into frustrated tears, but sometimes we'll all three be sitting and they will play with a toy together, taking turns kissing our stuffed kitty, puppy, or lamb.They still love to play with the same playsilk that has entertained them since little babyhood, only now they notice each other and will hide under the silk and laugh.


They love to stir containers of water - this is an especially absorbing game for Shoghi these days - it can keep his attention for 15 minutes sometimes!


Sometimes interactions go best when they are somewhat separated - here they are playing and laughing while Shoghi was in the highchair:



They also like to watch us do things now - they try to brush our teeth and feed us, put hats (and boxes) on our heads. It's pretty fun, except of course that it involves half-chewed food...


Shoghi is doing a lot of standing, and now takes notice of other kids. He hasn't quite figured out the social graces involved with being in other people's space yet...


On the other hand, Max loves engaging socially with others. We see our best friend Ruby almost every day, and if I say "walk," "Korin" or "Ruby," he starts calling "Weeee-be" or "Beeee-be" until he lays his happy eyes on her. Here they all are, playing in the Sandy River at Oxbow Park:


Here he is with our little friend Madden. They were playing peek-a-boo together, and Madden had Max laughing away!

When I think back, a few months ago, there was a lot more whining. I couldn't leave them alone for more than 2 or three minutes at a time. Now, though, things are much easier. I guess when they say if you make it through the first year with twins, this is what they mean. Life is good!!

we get by with a little help

My experience of infertility over the course of 15 years and two marriages is no secret. I started posting on mothering.com/discussions in the ttc (trying to conceive) forums way back in early 2004, and found there a community of amazing women seeking to fulfill their dreams of family. Many of them ended up falling into the range of "normal" - conceiving within a year of beginning to try. Many others ended up taking paths that required a great deal of sacrifice, laying their bodies and finances and emotions on the line for months and years on end. Most of us have ended up with at least one child, while some found that they began to resonate more with life without children or simply had to move on from the very draining process of long-term ttc.

The best part of the story of those days of connecting with the "mdc" mamas is that it resulted in some tremendous friendships. Some people have found these incredible connections through the blogging world, and certainly it was because of my participation there that I began blogging back in 2004. Five years later, the core group of women who found ourselves supporting, celebrating, grieving and waiting with each other is still connected. I see comments here from several old friends that I don't otherwise connect with, I get to follow the blogs of some others, and a handful of these special friends remain people I consider the inner circle of the people in my life. I find constant amazement in the fact that in this online world that would at first pass seem rather annonymous, I have gained some of the best friends of my life.

One of these friends is mentioned here often. I connected with Korin at the very end of her IVF cycle back in those early days on mdc. She became mercifully pregnant with a child who has added sparkle and wonder to our lives for the past three years. Ruby is as much an older sister the boys will likely ever have, and they adore her.

Korin and Ruby

As you know, Korin is the friend who, when I said I was considering leaving my marriage and pursuing getting pregnant on my own said: "Do it. Move out here to Oregon, stay with me and my family, and live the life you are longing for." She is the kind of person who does this, who makes tremendous sacrifice and gives wholly of herself for her friends, on a regular basis. She, Ryan, and Ruby not only shared their home with me while I was pregnant, they sheltered me and my twins for months after their birth, opening a space for us to become a family. The ways and extent of her support is truly indescribable.

Korin, me, and Laurie, in the moments before my c-section.
Korin was the person who sat by my head for the entire surgery, coaching me, crying with me, and sharing the moment of my children's births along with my sister.

Korin doing kangaroo care in the NICU with Shoghi.

Korin and Ryan have been trying for another child for about six months. You can read about that journey on Korin's blog here. Right now the important point is that they are at a point where they have had to decide to do another fresh IVF cycle, a costly, invasive, emotionally and physically intense series of procedures that we all pray will result in another child (or two!). I am happy and humbled to say that another online friend has started a fundraiser, with the hopes of raising the majority of the money this amazing couple will need to pursue adding another child to their family.

If you are a knitter, or need a fabulous gift for a knitter friend, please consider joining us in supporting Korin and her family. Lousli is conducting a raffle with fabulous prizes, including several sets of my sister Laurie's knit kitty hand-printed cards. Lousli's etsy shop is also donating all profits this month to the cause.

hand-dyed yarn from Lesley's shop

knit kitty cards

The greatest good of this blogging community is our ability to make connections and support each other in an increasingly fast and disconnected world. I hope you'll help me pay it forward and join in. Just think, you could be a part of creation, part of the fulfillment of a dream. Every time that future baby smiles, you will have been a part of a sacred moment.

here and there

We have been mighty busy this past week! We had to catch up with household chores that had been neglected during our parents' visit, and I have started working from home in earnest. We also had social calls - our twin friends S and S had their first birthday party last Sunday, and yesterday we drove 50 miles to our south to visit the Wooden Shoe Tulip Festival with our other friends M & L.

It is so much fun to accompany Shoghi and Max as they discover their world. We can now plop them down in the grass and hang out while they explore. It's brilliant! They had such a blast people-watching at the birthday party - there was a stream of kids bringing them toys, and twins S&S were cruising around, too. Cuteness was everywhere!

The big one year olds in their adorable matchy outfits!

Maxy takes it all in while he explores some new toys.

A little gaggle of kiddos.

Our trip to the Tulip Festival really couldn't have been better. We had full, beautiful sun (resulting in very bleachy photos), gorgeous flowers, three happy babies, a curious and delightful four-year-old, and three adults who couldn't have been happier about exploring acres of blooming tulips. Even the food at this tourist attraction was satisfactory, though our poor little friend was pretty crushed that they didn't have any allergy-friendly ice cream selections.

i think something's wrong with my camera - so many bleached photos!
here are Lanny, Moon, Max and Shoghi posing by the irrigation system in the tall grass.

me with the boys

Moon, jumping.

Max, flirting with Moon

The boys have grown at an incredible rate over the past six weeks or so. Whereas their drawers were packed with 6-month clothes and even some 3-month pants back in March, we've had to clear out clothes in at least two rounds recently! Max is up to wearing 6 and 9-month outfits, and Shoghi is wearing 9- and 12-month clothes! It's strange to have them in different sizes - it's just another way they are their own little people. Max has those chubby cheeks, and continues to be mistaken for the heavier baby, even while Shoghi is probably 2 pounds heavier by now! Here they are in 12-month outfits given to them by my former colleagues - I thought they would like to see them in their fancy boy duds. These are probably the most boyish things they have! :o) I must say, I've become a sucker for the coordinating outfits.

Their 9-month well baby visit is scheduled for the 11th, so I'll be sure to give you their new stats after that visit.

***
Just a last note: A friend of mine has declared a Self Nurture Challenge, and I'm jumping on the band wagon. Among the things I did to nurture myself today were going to the chiropractor (all three of us got adjusted, hooray!), and I made a point of drinking a lot more water than I have been getting. I know a lot of twin nursing mamas drink about a gallon a day, but I've been on a little of a coffee kick in the past sleep-deprived months, and my water intake has suffered. I feel so much better when I'm well hydrated! Oh, and this also lets you all know that I'm still nursing! Despite my seeming block on posting about nursing and eating, both boys continue to enjoy nursing many times a day. Hooray for us!

Wander on over to her blog and let her know how you nurture yourself! Better yet, let us both know!

Cheers!