baby fave foods

At 11 months old (gasp! their 11-mo bday was yesterday!), the twinnies are eating a ton of foods! Admittedly, I've been leaning a little too heavily on fruits, so their enthusiasm for veggies is a little less than I'd like it to be, but all-in-all, eating is progressing quickly and with lots of fun and smiles. In just another month, I'll be making two huge changes by adding egg whites and switching the boys to cow's milk from formula. I have to say, I'm very glad our time of using formula is coming to a close; it just is too weighty emotionally for me. Not only does it serve as a constant reminder that I never could breastfeed them exclusively, it's also a sadness in that I just couldn't afford to continue giving them Earth's Best (or as we call it, Earth's Most Expensive). I hate to think of the garbage that's in the formula we use, what with all the corn, soy, and GMOs. It will be nice to serve them something as simple as a little organic milk.

The boys love to eat off our plates, so if we eat with them, it's inevitably one bite for mama, a bite for the twins!

The first meal we all shared as a family continues to be a staple. Split pea soup with yam and ginger is a favorite, especially when Laurie makes us some fresh bread to go along with it. She's even been making it with flax meal to replace the egg so the boys can eat it! Here's the recipe, in case you're looking for a savory, delicious soup that can also serve as one of your baby's early foods:

Yam & Split Pea Soup with Ginger

2c dried split peas (green is my preference)
3 medium yams or sweet potatoes, diced
3 leeks, diced
2T fresh grated or minced ginger
4 celery stalks, diced
3 carrots, diced
1t salt
3T Bragg's Aminos or soy sauce
1/8t cayenne pepper

Place all ingredients except cayenne pepper in large pot or crock pot, and cover to 2" above veggies with water or stock. Cover and bring to a boil. Turn down heat and simmer for 2 hours or until all the ingredients are soft. Serve as-is or blend to create a smoother soup.

***

Since Laurie went back to work, managing the household needs has become a big challenge for both of us. We all need to have easy, delicious foods prepped and ready, and finding the time to do that has been hard. A couple of weeks ago, I used the time with my sitter to grocery shop and cook several meals, and that's what I have on tap for today, too. Last time, I made a crock pot chicken, riboletta soup, the split pea soup above, Rachel Ray's mac & cheese with butternut squash, and since it was Laurie's birthday, I also made the delicious Shanghai Ham she loves so much - all in just 4 hours. I doubt I'll be quite that accomplished today, but I do hope to make at least 3 dishes, including the mac and cheese. I'm not sure what the other two will be yet, but I'm thinking dalh, some kind of casserole with whole grains and lots of veggies, and maybe a big pot of oatmeal cooked with fruits and a little cinnamon. Better make room in the freezer!

Shoghi taking a first bite of rice pasta.

What are your favorite whole foods recipes that both your babies and the rest of your family loves?

monday roundup

5 months, one day old.

I'm taking a cue from this mama, and am throwing aside all my grand ideas of a big, eloquent catch-up post.

• the blossoming has begun. i have always felt like being with babies starting at about 2-3 months old was like watching a flower slowly open, and my own boys have really begun this process of unfolding. it was a major reason i have wanted to have children myself - to be a part of this magical becoming-a-person. i am so thrilled to watch and participate in this with maxwell and shoghi.
  

they are so much more in tune to the world, imitate facial expressions and sounds, grab and grasp at objects and now bring these objects to their mouths. it's magical every day (even when it's not, lol).

swatchy came with us on vacation, thanks to laurie, who sent him to us via UPS!

• laughter has descended on our little family! max uttered his first delighted giggle on 12/26 for me, while we were visiting my grandma & grandpa, and then shoghi first laughed for his memere on 12/26 while she was playing with him. did you know that the navajo have a first laugh ceremony?? how wonderful!
• along with laughter, the boys have really started to love using their voices. they love to screech, gurgle, and make all kinds of other undefinable sounds. it's so much fun!
  
• the boys hit their FIVE MONTH BIRTHDAY on 1/8, and to give proper fanfare for the date, they both spent the evening rolling over! it was max's first time, and shoghi's rediscovery of this skill he first played with a few months ago. shoghi is making all the moves towards (gasp) crawling, and max isn't far behind. they're both rising way up at a 90* angle during tummy time.
  
• this week, they also discovered each other. what a joy! they look at each other now, and shoghi was even laughing at max yesterday. i'm just so excited to watch their relationship develop.

• sleep - dare i mention sleep? well, it changes a LOT, but for the most part, they're sleeping from 9pm until about 9am, with 2 wake-ups in between. we start the night with them each sleeping in a car seat (they sleep in them because it's easy to move them upstairs when i go to bed, and because they used to hate them so much, i figured it would be a good idea to get the twins used to being in them). when they wake up (if they wake up), i bring them into bed after feeding them. then we get us somewhere between 5 and 7am for the next feeding, and then go back to sleep until 8 or 9. there is a lot of variability, including sometimes several nights in a row of much reduced sleep, but this is the general picture.

• nursing. sigh. nursing is my biggest success and my biggest failure. it's the thing i will have to heal from, in much the same way that many women process and heal after trying for a vaginal birth and end up having a c-section, i suppose. let's just say for now that i persist, giving both boys lact-aids when i can, bottles when i have to, and shoghi nurses throughout the night. it has been a very challenging and disappointing journey for me... a seperate post is certainly warrented for this subject. i don't plan to start any solid foods until after they are 6 months adjusted age (2 months from now), so this current setup will continue to be our strategy for a while.

so, that's about it! did i miss anything? lmk in comments and i'll address it in the next post.
love to all,
celeste.

answers and photos

thanks for the emails & comments on that last post!! they all mean so much to me. here's an attempt at responding to some:

CNH - hi Chantel! I've been watching your blog w/rapt interest!! I can't believe your LOs are scooting around already. That prayer is excerpted from a prayer here... I'm sure quoting it is fine - I forgot to source it when I posted. I'd love to read your take on it, given the differences in our situations. Thanks to Jennie for posting the link.

MKW emailed me w/ this empathetic thought: As for full-time nursing and cloth diapers... I hope you not setting the bar too high that failure, of some sort, is immanent. And you're left feeling depressed, and frazzled to the bone and defeated. I fully believe in nursing and did both boys for about 7 mos., but I also knew I was a better mom for being able to bottle/formula supplement and leave them and regroup with time out with J or friends and come back to them anew. Full-time nursing is a draining anchor. And yes, it's great for the babies, but you need to watch yourself along the way and protect your sanity, because THAT'S what will be best for the babies and you. You will be close and loved by them because of who you are, how much you wanted them in your life and how much you love them everyday, they'll never measure your love by whether or not you used disposable diapers, bottles, or breastfed them every meal. Choose your battles... and in this case how much you're weighing down an already very demanding daily job of love.

I wanted to share this with you all because this is something I think and talk about often. And I agree with what you wrote, M.

I am using cloth diapers part time - mostly during the day. I think w/ the next size of diapers, I'll be able to use them at night, too, but really, I don't push myself on this subject. Right now, K is doing virtually all of our laundry, and I just don't know how it will be when I'm doing it myself. I plan to do it as I can and won't worry about it when I can't. I'll be using prefolds during the day only, and fuzzybuns as much as possible, for those who are interested in knowing. ;o)

As far as breastfeeding goes, I persevere because I can, and because I simply want to. I want that relationship with them both. I want that nutrition and all those benefits for them... but don't think that I am going to play hardball w/this either. Anyone who knows me will know that I'm just not an all-or-nothing person, sometimes to a fault. In this case it just means that I'm going to continue to perservere and see how close to exclusive I can get in nursing. I'd like to know that my supply is sufficient to feed them both, but given the demands of twins, I'm pretty sure that I'll always be ok with offering the occasional bottle. And if I get to a point where I feel like my supply is good enough without being 100%, I'm ok with that too. I just feel like, for now, I'm on the path, and I'm ok with this being a process.

A while ago, Megan asked me in comments about the amount of supplement I am giving the boys. I responded there, but I wonder if she checked in. I just wanted to make sure that you know your question wasn't ignored. This week, I think I'm down to about 22oz a day, combined. Still a long way to go.

Finally, thx to Maylily for the email & all you others who send love & encouragement... Your words make this easier.

Here, some new pix - all by Amy - & a video of Shoghi finally having some happy time:

amboobdextrous, or the next nursing update

Moving right along... the biggest change since my last nursing update is that Maxwell has taken off! He's latching so much better, and at our last visit to the lactation consultant, he actually managed to get more milk than Shoghi! I'm still not giving him lact-aids, but I hope to start trying that this week.

One "bad" thing that's happened is that I'm running out of the domperidone I was given by a friend, and my doctor won't prescribe it since it's off-label. I can't take the other common medication that they will prescribe because it can cause depression, to which I am already predisposed. I really can't risk that right now, on top of everything else. I have recently learned that 4 months postpardum is a common time to start having PPD, and the boys just hit 16 weeks yesterday. So, I'm not sure what I'm going to do about that. I have another 3 weeks of the dom, so I have to come up with a strategy right away if I'm going to wean off of it.

Speaking of weaning off of things, what's your take on caffeine while nursing? I know you're not supposed to drink coffee, but seriously, how could I possibly endure life without it right now? Do any of you readers have experience with caffiene affecting your supply?

As far as supplement goes, Shoghi is, as of today, down to one ounce, about five times a day! That means he's probably getting more than 20 ounces from nursing - wow! When Max gets to have a really good nursing session, I drop his supplement down to 1.5 ounces for that feeding. Granted, this doesn't happen as much as I'd like, but how could it, really - I end up having both of them in my arms at the same time so much, there's just no way I can do it right now. I can best manage to feed Max with a bottle while having him sit in my lap, and with the other arm, hold Shoghi while he nurses. This is the position we often use at night. On a good day, I manage to get them both nursing at the same time once or twice (hence the title of this post). I can say this much - it's getting much, much easier to have them tandem nurse as they get bigger. It was such a huge frustration when they were so little that I completely tabled even trying until pretty recently.

I couldn't talk about nursing without talking about sleeping. On quiet days at home, we are now falling into a clear pattern, with a rough morning and late afternoon nap, and settling down for nighttime napping/sleep at about 7pm. The coolest thing is that lately, the boys are getting into some really long sleep periods at night, and I have begun to be able to offer nursing only to get us through from midnight until about 7 or 8 in the morning. I don't really have an expectation of them developing fast and clear habits this early, so I just love it for when it happens.

I sleep with the boys in my bed, with Shoghi next to me and Max on the other side of him. I've begun experimenting with sleeping between them, and rolling back and forth as they want to nurse, but so far, that's been more exhausting, and it makes me uneasy to have my back to one. It's easier to simply move to the other side of the bed to nurse Max when he wakes. I love sleeping with the boys - I really can't see how I would get any sleep at all if they were not in bed with me.

Finally, this week was our first Thanksgiving, and it was also my 36th birthday (on Thanksgiving). It probably goes without saying that this year I had more to be thankful for than ever, and thinking about all that is going to happen in terms of the boys' development in the next year just astonishes me. I certainly missed being with both my East Coast family and Jennie's family with whom I have celebrated in recent years. It was a joyful day here, though, and we all got just a little teary, noting the election of the embodiment of hope, Barak Obama, and all the tremendous gifts our children, family and friends are bringing to our lives.

progress in nursing

On Tuesday afternoon, we all packed into the car with our new doula E and went over to Beyond Birth for our latest lactation consultation. I'm feeling a lot more confident... here's why:

Shoghi

3 weeks ago, Shoghi was getting almost 3 oz of supplement, 8 times a day, and now we're down to giving him just 1.5 oz 6 times! His weight gain is still at the top of the desired range, so he's clearly tolerating the drops well. His second cold is finally receding; what a relief!

Max

We are in a learning-to-nurse process with Maxwell. He's latching on much better since his second frenulum clip for a posterior tongue tie, so as much as I can, I offer nursing to him. Many times it ends up being nursing to sleep, but increasingly, I'm able to nurse him before he takes his supplement. The new plan is to give him 1/2 ounce formula or donor breastmilk when we have it, then offer to nurse, then give the rest of the bottle. I'm not using the lact-aid with him yet - I just don't think he's ready for it. We were given 3 exercises to do with him to strengthen his tongue and improve his latch. In addition to the above, this time we learned more about infant paced feeding.

We've been learning about this and bottle position for a while - it really seems like it's one more way to really engage the baby's instincts about hunger and eating. The more I learn about it, the more I eonder if there could be a connection between typical bottle feeding (baby lying down/milk pouring into mouth) and later eating disorders/ obesity. Here's a snippet about bottle position:

To avoid undermining breastfeeding, it is important to help baby maintain breastfeeding behaviors while he feeds from the bottle. One way to do this is to approach baby with the bottle in a way that makes bottle-feeding similar to breastfeeding. This means that the bottle nipple is not poked into his mouth, when it is barely open. Instead, point the nipple up toward the ceiling and lay the side of it across the baby's lips, stroking downward, so he has to open widely to accept it. This helps preserve the wide open gape he needs for a good latch at the breast. It may take a minute or two for him to do this, but by consistently waiting for him to open his mouth wide before giving him the bottle, you will teach him what he needs to do in order to be fed. Once he opens his mouth very wide, place the lower part of the nipple on his lower lip with the nipple pointing straight up and then roll it into his mouth so that it goes in deeply.

And here's a bit about paced feeding:

Many mothers also find that babies feed better when the bottle feedings are paced so that they are more like breastfeeding. Bottle feedings are paced by stopping and gently withdrawing the nipple after four or five sucks or whenever the baby expresses tension through facial expressions. The nipple stays in contact with baby’s lower lip, allowing the baby to draw the nipple into his mouth again when he is ready. This helps the baby retain control of the feeding, reminding him to stop when he is full.... Holding the baby so that he is more upright allows him better flow control. There is no need to keep the nipple full of milk; he will fill it when he sucks.

~from LowMilkSupply.org

Seems like the more these basic instincts are suppressed, the more likely it would be that later in life a child might be out of touch with his sense of hunger/ fullness. At any rate, it's surprised me how much there is to know just about giving a bottle, and I really wish I'd known this from the beginning.

Building Supply

This week, we focused mostly on Max's learning, but there are other overall changes, too. I've switched all my herbs to blends from Mother Love Herbs. That makes my life a lot easier: instead of taking 9 capsules 3 times a day, I just have to take 5 now. I've also increased the amount of domperidone I'm taking - I'm almost at the maximum dose.

Last week, after a particularly hard day, I also decided that succeeding at getting the boys to exclusively breastfeed is only going to be possible with more help. I bit the bullet and hired a doula, who is now coming in 3 days a week for 5 hours each time. Combined with my sister's help on Mondays, that means I have 4 days a week of helpers. Of course, Korin helps me every day, but I don't want to have her continue to have to focus on us when her daughter needs her attnetion. It just makes for a (more) tiring day for her! Anyway, the addition of the doula really means that I can pump on those days I have extra help, something I really can't do when I'm alone.

So, there you have it. Steps closer to the goal! I meet with the lactation team again a week from Friday, so I'll update again after that appointment.

catching up, part 2

The Nursing Update

Where to start? I don't think I've ever really posted fully about our adventures in nursing, but I want to record this for myself, and maybe there's something here that could be helpful to someone else in a similar situation. So, if you're one of my uncles, or you're my dad, and you would rather not read about this part of twin parenting, then just hang in there - I'll have another post up in a few days, I hope!


I'm very committed to nursing the boys. Despite the fact that they're already almost 3 months old and neither is yet nursing completely, I am striving to get there. I'm not really a person for politics or making big social stands, so for me, the decision to try so hard to nurse is mostly because I feel strongly that it's the best course for us, regardless of how hard it might be for me now. I've only got an uncertain amount of time alone with my sons before I'm going to have to start working again, and that makes me even more determined - I want that nursing relationship with each of them, and I hope that intimacy can continue even after I go back to work. Pursuing nursing has become my primary occupation after taking care of their other needs. It takes a lot of time, patience, outside loving support and, believe it or not, money, to succeed at nursing when you have the challenges I've encountered... and yet I persist...

Instincts

So, here's what I think - if you ever find yourself the first-time parent of a baby in the NICU and you want to nurse, find your gut feeling and go with it. Then, find the best lactation consultant you can outside the hospital system, and get them to come to the hospital and help you and your baby, immediately.

I got pretty bad advice at the NICU. I should have been coached to begin pumping as soon as I got back to my room after being in Recovery. I should have been pumping every 2 hours, in my room at the hospital and at the bedside. I didn't start pumping at bedside until probably 5 days had passed! I did try on Day 1 to get both babies to breast, but I really knew nothing about preemies and nursing, so I focused more on the care I could provide them, like kangaroo care, changing diapers and giving bottles. They call babies sucking a bottle "nippling" in the hospital and actual nursing "practice nursing" - so strange... it's just one of the many ways that the natural process gets screwed up.

The other thing they do in the hospital is feed in 3-hour intervals. Now, if you've had a newborn baby at home and nursed, you will no doubt know that nurslings do not nurse every 3 hours... they nurse much at closer intervals! So, after a month of scheduled feedings, the boys' internal mechanisms for hunger were set on this schedule. Getting them to have smaller, more frequent feedings has been all but a failure.

Along the same lines, I have found it really, really hard to get away from knowing exactly how much they are eating. Whereas moms who exclusively nurse become tuned in to their baby's hunger cues and nursing habits, all i had was a schedule and a number of millileters. Those numbers were so important in the hospital, they impacted when the boys could come home. I never pumped as much as they ate in any feeding, so I was left with fear that they would starve! Still, even after having been home for almost 2 months, it makes me uneasy to not know how much they've gotten from a nursing session, which makes me want to reach for formula supplement if they're acting fussy.

All-in-all, I think my experience was one which led the 3 of us to suppress our instincts about nursing and hunger.

Galactogogues

No, I'm not talking about some Sci-Fi creation; galactogogues are substances that help increase breat milk supply.

When the boys were born at 32 weeks, I had many factors against me in the breastmilk supply department:

At 35, I'm in that "advanced maternal age" category;

• c-section;
• premature delivery;
• polycystic ovarian syndrome (also the cause of my infertility);
• chronic hypertension.

I am taking a ton of herbs (fenugreek, blessed thistle, goat's rue, juice plus, prenatal = 9 capsules 3x a day) and a prescription for domperidone.

Again, because I'm not solely pumping, I haven't got a strong sense of how much I'm producing... right now, it's not enough to feed one exclusively. I'm gratefully receiving some donated breastmilk from a local friend, which always goes to Max, since he's not at the breast much.

So that's where we've been.

Where We Stand

Shoghi is, and has been from the beginning, the stronger nurser. I'm currently nursing him on demand, and six times a day, I also give him supplemental formula with a lact-aid. By now, he's an old pro at latching on. Several weeks ago, I took him to an ENT and had his frenulum (tongue tie) clipped, and this helped to free up his tongue and improve his latch. He can nurse in several positions, and he sleeps next to me so he can side-lie nurse throughout the night. How easy it would be to just nurse one baby! How much sleep mamas of singletons must get!!!

The plan with Shoghi is to drop his supplement amount slowly over the coming weeks until my supply catches up with his needs.

Maxwell is pretty much starting at the beginning of learning to nurse. It has taken having his posterior tongue tie clipped twice, the last time being last Friday, to free up his tongue mobility and allow him to latch well. He gets all his calories from formula, given to him by bottle. Now he is finally able to "pratice" nurse, so whenever I can. I start his feeding with 1oz of formula, offer him the breast for as long as he wants, then finish up with the rest of the bottle.

A note about frenulum clips - everyone told me it wouldn't hurt the baby. In my experience, that proved to be false. Seems a little like the old supposition that circumcision didn't hurt. I'd recommend giving babies homeopathic aconite for both the pain and fear, and have some baby pain reliever or arnica on hand for afterward.

I'll be meeting with the lactation consultant again next week, and I'll let you know our progress then. It'll definitely be easier to post about this next time, since I won't have to start at the beginning.

le sigh, le progress, le bye-bye

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog updates to bring you this special report...

first:

On the same day as the boys' "sister"/housemate Ruby got her first haircut, I was crushed to discover that Maxwell is starting to lose his own beautiful newborn locks. His soft, fine red hair is falling out! I'm just so sad - I am really hoping Shoghi's will stay fully planted on his head.

Max, in the hospital, when I first suspected red hair...
Max's bald spot... a sign of impending shiny head?

second:

Tonight I felt completely elated when my champion nurser Shoghi refused to take a bottle. There could be no mistake - he let loose his most resounding cries while Laurie tried to soothe him, and he would only calm down when I came back to take him to nurse! Poor Laurie - Shoghi's a screamer! I was certainly happy with this turn; in recent days he's been getting increasingly less enthusiastic about the bottle, but an outright refusal? Wow, it was awesome to feel that he's really turning a corner with nursing. Now if only my supply would be enough, even enough for one baby... I'll post a more complete nursing update this week.

third:

After a wonderful visit with my whole family of origin last week, my brother Simon and his girlfirend are leaving in the morning. It was so incredible to have everyone here - our relationships all feel so refreshed and even transformed by the boys. I'm sad that the out of towners are all gone home and will miss their presence and sharing the boys with them daily. I'll also miss their amazing help and support...

miscellaneous

(taken in part from a recent email)

Stats:
Shoghi has hit the 6 pound mark, and Maxwell should be reaching EIGHT pounds today or tomorrow! Both are maintaining their individual growth curves, so the weight difference is only reflective of their unique physiologies.

Shoghi is doing better. The apnea monitor, which I only use at night, has gone off twice for low heart rate, but I was actually already helping him through a choke at the time. It really does help me sleep, knowing that if anything happens, it will wake me. His reflux seems a bit better now that he's on the zantac - he's not making that sour "mister yuck" face anymore, and maybe it's his bigger size that is helping him handle incidents of spitting up better. Even though I have to help him sometimes by clearing his nose and mouth, he also resolves more on his own.

Max is leading the way in longer sleep stretches - he is sometimes extending the time between feedings to 4 hours at night. It's a miraculous thing. He's so chatty - making noises all the time, especially in his sleep! He spent a night with Auntie Korin and then 2 nights with Auntie Laurie, and both of them commented (lamented) on his vociferous ways. He's also starting to coo, which is super cute.

Nursing is coming along! Shoghi is nursing at least 20 minutes for each "meal" and supplementing with bottle for the rest, and Max isn't far behind. I'm still waiting for my supply to keep up with their needs, but I've had to drop a lot of the pumping, for the sake of my sanity and so that I could actually meet the boys' other needs. Both of them seem to have a tongue tie, so I will have them checked by and ENT doc soon. That apparently has a big impact on nursing. We abandoned using the nipple shield several days ago and never looked back. Now I'm experimenting with using a lact-aid, which involves using a small tube to allow the baby to take in formula while nursing at the breast. This transition to breast can be a long one, but our dramatic progress over the past week is really encouraging. I'm not going to make any decisions about long-term strategy until we've tried to increase nursing sessions and supply for at least another month.

They boys are both so beautiful, it just melts me. After all the years of longing, loss, and pushing through, I'm astonished to find myself the mother of these two perfect babies.