flying with 9 month old twins

A friend asked in comments for some advice for flying with 9-month old twins and 3 adults, so here you have it! I posted twice last January about my experience flying alone with 4-month old twins -- at that age, their prematurity still showed, so they acted more like 2 month olds.

At nine months, and with three adults the trip should be easy, I think!! Assuming you have no seats reserved for the babies and will be having them on your laps on the plane, here's what I would do:

• Check as much luggage as possible, both carseats and the stroller at the ticketing area.
• For this age, I would recommend using a pouch for the plane, but you might want a regular back or front carrier like a meitai or ergo for walking through the airport. The ergo will be easier to get on and off for passing through security - the carrier will have to go through the xray machine, while both babies will have to be carried through the checkpoint. This is a challenging point if you are traveling alone with twin babies, but you should be fine, given that there will be three of you. Back to the pouch, I found this type of carrier great for the plane. The babies were comfortably contained while sitting on my lap during the flight, and it was nice to have them swaddled in this way that left my hands free. I really missed it this time when we flew - both of my boys are too big to cradle in the pouch now!
• Plan to carry on one or two diaper bags. Include enough diapers that if they each poop every hour of the trip, you have enough. I know this might seem excessive, but I definitely travel in the "better safe than sorry" camp, especially after our experience in December of being stuck at the airport over night.
• If you are not traveling with the nursing mama, be sure to bring double the amount of EBM or formula than you will need. I like to travel with Playtex bottles - one bottle for each baby, and plenty of liners and clean nipples so I can swap them out easily.
• Aside from the diapers and feeding supplies (if needed), I'd just bring a handful of the favorite toys and a couple of books for this age. Novelty can be important later, but I think at 9 months, favorites would be enough. When in doubt, though, bring something new. Tie long strings onto each toy so that when they fall on the floor, you'll be able to pull them up by the cord. Traveling with 1 year olds, I found the single most important item was a portable DVD player. Without it on our last trip, it would have been pretty unbearable. My boys didn't pay any attention to TV until very recently, though, so again, I think you'll be fine with just toys.
• Although I couldn't get my hands on any for the last flight, a friend and naturopath recommended getting some Herbs for Kids Super Calm. I tried using melissa and valerian alone on the last flight and didn't notice any really helpful effect. I did call my pediatrician about using benadryl, and they strongly discourage it. The APA does not approve the use of benadryl in this situation, according to my physician's office.
  
• Finally, know that legally the airline cannot allow two lap babies in the same row. If you got three adult tickets seated together, they will move one of you with a baby. Pack your diaper/food/toy bag accordingly, because if you don't change your seat assignment early, you might be sitting quite far away from each other. This happened to us this time on the way to MA - I was flying with my mom, and we were split up.
  

I think the most important thing for me is to assume that people will be helpful, and to say "yes" in any way I can when people offer. This makes the trip much less stressful!

I hope this helps! Have fun, and let us know how it went, along with any new tips you might glean from your trip!

health department

Shoghi has had a cough since at least last November - maybe longer. I kept asking about it, first at the naturopath, then several times at our visits to the pediatrician. They checked him out, but there were no signs of asthma or pneumonia, but still the cough persisted. It's possible that we're going to have a little gap in health insurance starting in September, so I thought it was time to get to the bottom of it.

We started with three possibilities: airway irritation, reflux, or a swallowing disorder causing him to inhale some of his food/milk/saliva. As you know, we had a long battle with reflux when he was tiny - it was so bad right after I brought him home that the acid was causing him to choke. Formula or breastmilk would pour out of his nose, and he would and stop breathing - he was re-admitted to the NICU where he was diagnosed, then he came home with an apnea monitor so that I could sleep without fear that he would choke. He stayed on the zantac until this winter, and I hadn't noticed any changes after discontinuing it, so I didn't really think it was going to be reflux that was causing the cough.

Last month, we decided to rule out the airway irritation issue with a two-week trial of albuterol. Wow, that was fun. Changing squirmy Shoghi's diaper or clothes is already a sweat-inducing workout these days - getting him to allow me to hold a mask over his nose and mouth while I pumped out 2 puffs of the inhaler, and then holding it on for 10 seconds... well, that was pretty much a nightmare. I persisted, though, and his cough did not improve. Back to the drawing board.

So, last week, I brought Shoghi to the hospital to see a speech therapist to determine if he has a awallowing issue. Sure enough, for the first time, he coughed in front of one of our doctors while 1) drinking his bottle, 2) eating pureed foods, and 3) munching some cheerios. I actually haven't noticed an increase in coughing while he's eating, so I was very surprised and grateful that he "performed" for the doctor to see. The doc took it all in stride and told us it would be best to return for a barrium swallow - a radiological procedure that takes a live x-ray video of him eating, drinking, and most importantly, swallowing. We went in yesterday, and sure enough, you could see some of his milk back right down his airway while he drank!

So, of all the things that could have been causing this cough, it's (in my opinion) the best one. This little issue can be fixed by thickening up his milk for a while with, of all things, baby food bananas. He didn't have that inhalation issue with any of the foods, so it's that simple - thicken up his milk, and give him a few weeks like this, and his airway shoudl re-sensitize itself. I should start to notice less coughing overall, as he will re-learn how to swallow in a way that won't allow milk, or other liquids like saliva, to enter his trachea. When we come back from Massachusetts, we'll go back to the doctor, and by then we should be able to start decreasing the thickness of his milk. Voila!

I'm really grateful that it's this simple. After listening to the poor kid cough for so many months, it's good to know what the source of it is, and know that there's a simple fix.

waiting

I'm waiting for my new camera to arrive. It's funny how blogging (at least for me) is so dependent on having related content photos! I really hope this camera is a winner - I've bought and returned no less than four since January, and am a little sick of the search. I started with a DSLR, which I could not even remotely afford, and returned it - it was just too much camera for me to learn right now. Since then, I've tried a range of point and shoots, with various issues like shutter lag and poor picture quality, even for paying a pretty good price. My own camera's lens is failing, so I really want this one to be a good fit!

The love of books continues!

I feel rather news-less, even though a lot is happening. Here are some of the things we've been up to:

The boys are eating a lot of new foods - and many of them are truly solids now! When we went to our 9 month well baby visit, I had to fill out a questionnaire on things they are doing, and it asked about icking up cheerio's - I really hadn't thought they were ready for that, but I was excited to try. Well, they love it! It's been about 7 weeks since then, and the boys have really progressed using their fingers. Shoghi is a pro at bringing his bites to his mouth, while Max still kind of gets the food into his fist and squeezes it into his mouth. Still, they have such fun. I don't give them finger foods at every meal, but do let them use their hands to eat at least twice a day. Some of the recent foods introductions: bread with hummus, waffle bites dipped in yogurt, homemade mac and cheese with butternut squash, tomatoes (they eat off my plate so often, I just couldn't resist giving in to their please for lasagna!), cheese, and chicken bites.

Max now has SIX teeth! Four on the top that all came in a period of a couple of weeks, and the two middles on the bottom. Shoghi's got the two middles on both top and bottom, but just two days ago started some terrible teething - I think his incisors are on the move. It has been a very painful couple of days for the little guy!

He's also been biting for the past few weeks - shoulders, legs, and even your back or waist. All of the people who take care of him (me, Laurie and Emilia) have been bitten, and our firm "no"s and removing him from the scene of the bite hasn't helped. The biting is more frequent, and is now also happening immediately at the beginning (and consequently end) of every nursing session. With the exception of last night at 2am, we haven't nursed in four days. I got some new strategies to deal with the biting in the last day, so I'm hopeful it will help. He bit Max today for the first time, hard. It's not aggression - at least it doesn't seem that way. It's like he needs some kind of oral stimulation... today, giving him a frozen washcloth seemed to really satisfy him. Poor little guy - I don't want to be giving him so much scolding! As I said - I've got some new things to try, so we'll see how it goes. Any been-there-done-that stories would be well appreciated!

Max's language skills are taking the normal cyclical learning route. He no longer says "mama," and even "bra-bra" for brother has regressed a little to "bra." As one would expect, though, as we see these words fade, new sounds and likely candidates for words have emerged. We're hearing the hard "e" sound more and more as he tries to say "Auntie" and today we heard a lot of "s" - it seems he's trying to say "shoghi"! He still signs "more" and has added "milk" and "eat" to his repertoire.

Shoghi continues to excel in his physical abilities. He's standing and taking steps while holding onto things, and doing a lot of climbing. Last night at Korin's he climbed two steps, and he climbs up on the laundry basket while it's tipped over, and then down the other side. He loves it and smiles all the while.

exploring the underside of a desk recently relocated into the living room.

day to day

Today was a good day. It started off with a good night for les enfants, and then flowed into a sweet cuddle for we three in bed, the coffee and playtime, our dear and wonderful caregiver was with the boys while Sister and I went to a Marketing for Mama Micro-Business Owners session that I held (part 2 in a series), and then this afternoon proceeded to be easy and nice. Went to post office, shopped for new pants, magazines for Treasure Mapping, and printed photos, came home and made delicious dinner... The only bad thing that happened was that my sis got a migraine and poor little Max has his first ever runny nose, which is unimaginably pathetic and earned him lots of snuggles and extra TLC at bedtime tonight.

Laurie and I have been cooking dinnerfrom scratch almost every night!
We have a core of weekly menu items, and add one new recipe a week. Last week, it was this fantastic butternut squash pizza - we made it with chevre instead of milk-based cheese.

Things are evolving nicely, I have to say. Here are some photos of our daytime antics:

Max, playing with his wooden rattle.

Shoghi is so mobile, he has taken to carrying things around in his mouth!

I just love how they can both manage to find their way over to me, now, and climb all over me. Shoghi is just like a little Sunny Beaudelaire (sp?), biting everything with those two little teeth, so you gotta watch out!

Max can now sit for quite a couple of minutes, completely unassisted!
Just look at that darling smile, would you??

Nights continue to progress. Bedtime is a multi-hour process that takes us all the way back to a 2:30 nap (which sometimes lasts until 4!), then playtime or a walk, dinner, then a full half hour of time without clothing, which the boys LOVE. Their typically challenging late afternoon demeanors are almost always transformed when every last stitch of clothing is removed, and they roll around, cooing, playing, and practicing all of their new moves until the mood shifts again, and it is time for pajamas, bedtime stories, and bottles. Then we bring them upstairs (usually Max first) and do a little crib-side routine for each of them. Actual bedtime still involves mmore unhappiness than I would like, but we're working on it.

Shoghi loves to look at us upside down - it makes him laugh every time.

Snuggling with mama - it's almost bedtime!

One of Shoghi's many amazing physical feats!
These boys can hit more yoga poses than I can!

getting there

I'm sitting in a quiet, peaceful house right now, at 7:34pm on a Sunday evening. It's been a quiet, peaceful house for about 20 minutes now, after Maxy boy fell asleep with his bedtime bottle in Auntie's arms, and Shoghi fell asleep on his own, in his crib (I still get a bitter little pang, saying that) after only about 8 minutes of wind-down. Sleep training is going well.

I wanted to wait a few days before posting. Unlike my last attempts at getting one or both of my babies to sleep at night, I felt more protective of the experience, perhaps knowing that this was it: the last baby I was going to have to train, and perhaps the harder one of the two. As it turns out, Shoghi was actually easier to train than Max, much to our deep and delighted surprise. He is taking less time to fall asleep with each passing night, and now it has been three nights already of no wakings between feedings.

Let me repeat that: no wakings between feedings!

Shoghi was waking up every 20 to 40 minutes all night long just a week ago, and now he wakes up twice: once at about 10, and again at 2am, and when I put him back down to sleep after he eats, he is going down with hardly a fuss most of the time. He has been sleeping until 6:30 or 7 in the morning. He wakes up happy.

Meanwhile, Max has maybe had a bit of regression, and falling asleep is a little harder for him right now... but he only wakes once during the night, and I'm already in the process of reducing and eventually eliminating this middle-of-the-night feeding. I hope that by switching his feeding to more like 5am, I will be able to get him to sleep in a bit, because that little guy is waking up for the day between 5 and 6 in the morning... not a welcome hour in any way. They might be sleeping better (let the partying commense!) but I still have to get up to feed them, which means that I am up for about an hour two times between midnight and wakeing for the day. Naps continue to be disasterous (we're starting to work on naps this week), so the chances of mama getting to take a nap during the day are zero.

OK, so now that all that sleep talk is out of the way, sorry for having now photos to share recently! We've had a combination of bad light in the house, busy, busy days, and a little boy Max with terrible, terrible eczema all over his dear face. I broke down and brought him to the doctor this week, where we got this official diagnosis. Since I've already switched him from milk to soy-based formula, and goat is NOT an option I am going to entertain, I think the eczema stemming from an allergy is probably not likely. Poor little nugget. It's getting better, though. I'll be able to post some new pics soon, but if you need a fix now, you can click over to my sister's blog, where she's also got a post up about sleep training, and has a bunch of gorgeous pictures of the boys. OK, I have to steal one of them, simply because I think it's such a fabulous shot of Maxy:

I have to say, life with the boys right now is, with the exception of our chaotic napping "schedule", really fun. They are opening up so much, and are exploring our toys and living room with great attention. This means I can step away sometimes for a minute or two for the first time since they were teeny tiny... if I could even do that then. They are also all over each other, which at first was pretty dangerous, what with all the reaching for the ears and eyes, but now they seem to have figured it out a little more and are remarkably gentle with each other. Still, mama has to keep a watchful eye because of course they don't really know what they're doing, and are likely to try to teethe on the others foot or head or something.

Their antics have become funnier and more delightful, too... Shoghi with his crazy poses and gymnast-like body, and Max with his own verbal acrobatics - they make us laugh all day long, as long as we are present enough to the moment to realize what they are doing. The minutes and hours are so packed full of need, and that need can be so exhausting that we do need to be brought to attention many times a day. Maybe I shouldn't say "we" - maybe I should just say "I need to be brought to attention many times a day". I am one tired lady! Auntie is usually my call to the moment - I will be sitting on the floor or doing something in the kitchen, and her laughter will break through and bring me to find Shoghi balancing on the toes of one foot and his hand, with the other arm up in the air and other leg kicked out in front, or she will call me to hear Max's new "th" sound or his funny "deet" or "gook" noises.

It's nice to realize that things have changed, and in some ways are easier now. We were really having a tough time of it for a few months, with a lot of constant fussing. I really do love this stage of babyhood, love watching them discover and learn and comprehend what we have so thoughtfully and deliberately placed around them as their early learning experiences.

This week, we'll be working hard on breaking the 30-minute nap cycle that has me going a bit batty. I'll keep you posted on how that goes, as well as maybe give you the long, long overdue nursing/eating post I have been meaning to do for months, now. Until then, sleep well, fair friends!

comfort level

Uncharted territory. Sleep training has introduced me to a new aspect of parenting: allowing (or forcing?) your child to be uncomfortable for the sake of his growth. Last night was our second night of what seems to me to be hard core sleep training, and it really pushed me to the limits of my comfort. It's like walking the edge of the sword, and it hurts. You're constantly evaluating your child, yourself, the situation... and if you're really not sure just how much you'll be able to do, it makes for a very draining experience, because you're not just holding the line - the line is its own living, breathing entity, and you are discovering it minute by minute, breath by breath.

Poor baby had a hard time last night. I am trying to get him to drift off without his binkie and without me bouncing him on the yoga ball. So far, we've already been able to completely eliminate the ball, which is astonishing. The binkie, though, is not so easily cast aside. The problem is, he can't put it back in his mouth. If he could, this wouldn't be an issue. He's been a thumb sucker in the past, and still does occasionally, so I'm to try to get him to think of his thumb, which is monumentally hard to do when he's upset. If I touch him, he thinks I'm going to pick him up, so the fact that I'm trying to guide his hand to his mouth seems very confusing. He has taken a little to sucking on the corner of his satin-edged blanket, but once he reaches a certain level of unhappiness, that's no longer good enough. So, it was an hour of trying to soothe him with my voice, with my hand on his head or chest, giving him his blanket or thumb, my pinkie (which caused further crying when I removed it). Hard stuff. I finally gave him his binkie, which made me feel defeated and like I'd caused him to suffer needlessly, which I don't actually believe, but in the moment, it felt terrible. I remind myself that when we're in the car, he does cry, and he also falls asleep without assistance. This is evidence that he can do this, it's just going to be somewhat uncomfortable. I happen to think it's my job to determine what is uncomfortable and what is distressed and panicking.

Later on in the night, he did really well. When he woke up at 11, I managed to keep myself away, and he only complained a little before finding his thumb and going back to sleep. And at 3 after his bottle, I laid him down so I could bounce Shogh, and he again fell asleep with absolutely no fussing after about five minutes. Pretty damned good. He's also had longer naps, so we're obviously progressing towards better sleep... it's just getting through the initial putting-down that is really testing me.

I think it's just one more way that this journey of raising twins has taken me away from the parenting style I always imagined having. That's not to say that I regret having twins, but there's just no way to form (at least there wasn't for me) in your mind a realistic expectation of attachment parenting for twins vs. a singleton. Even with all my childcare experience, I had no idea what it would be like, and just assumed that I could go on making decisions as I would have with one. Maybe if I had a husband in the picture, it would be different, but I'm not convinced of that, either.

I started off sleeping with the boys in my bed and loved it. It was so joyful, until it was just keeping us all up all night long. I never managed to tandem nurse with any success, and certainly not in bed. Today I'm having a king-sized bed delivered, but wonder if the boys will ever be able to sleep in it with me. Not that this is the absolute end of our journey with sleep, by any means... it just makes me sad to see how far from my ideal we've come. Attachment parenting isn't just where the boys sleep, nor is it about whether or how much they were nursed. It's a far broader concept, and although I don't limit my sense of my parenting style to one philosophy, I am probably closest to this one.

It's not all bad, by the way. During the day, the boys have become so full of life and personality that it's a lot of fun. We're doing a lot of laughing at their funny little antics, their sounds, their learning. Max is all about peek-a-boo, which Shoghi doesn't get in any way. He makes so many funny noises and laughs so easily... Little Mr. Social, he continues to be. Meanwhile, Shoghi is a little roly-poly, covering distance across the room. He's all physical activity: he does little baby sit-ups and crunches, he gets on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth, he rolls all over the place. It's a wonder to behond them, they are so different.

And so we continue... tonight I will not allow as much crying as last, knowing as I do my comfort level with it. Hopefully Max will move closer to figuring out how to calm and soothe himself for the initial to-bed lie-down. I'll keep you posted. Sorry if this post is all jumbled up - I'm pretty sleepy at the moment.

the new plan

I really should be sleeping. At least, I should be lying in bed, hoping for sleep. Tonight is the first night of my new sleep plan for the boys.

Sorry I went MIA for a while, there. To be honest, I've been a little down in the dumps about all of this, and felt like I didn't have anything interesting to say about it. I tried for a week to institute some changes, a week of fighting for naps. fighting for nighttime sleep, and really, I didn't get much of anywhere. The average number of hours didn't budge. I started managing to put the boys down awake some of the time, letting them drift off the rest of the way, but that was really it.

I spoke to our sleep coach earlier this week. I chose to have our consultation by phone to save some money, and she basically has a long intake, we make a plan, and then she offers email support week by week. Our plan is to focus on Max first, since he wakes less throughout the night. The plan is to teach him how to fall asleep in his crib, without being bounced on a yoga ball or given a binkie. I'm supposed to encourage him to suck his thumb for comfort. I was clear that I wouldn't be comfortable with letting them cry, but that I could tolerate some fussing. She was willing to work with my preferences... so I'm going a little more strongly than the No Cry Sleep Solution, but not as extreme as the method prescribed by Ferber. This afternoon and tonight, I managed to put him in his crib and sit with him while he fell asleep. It took about 20 minutes, and he did fuss and whine and cry a little, but I was with him the whole time, and I really do believe he can do this. I want this for him - to be able to soothe himself when I can't be there. To be able to do that so that if he really does wake up and need me, I can differentiate. Does that make sense? If not, I promise, it's because I'm operating on less than three hours of sleep, and it's almost 10:30pm.

What might prove to be harder than putting him down to sleep may be getting him to fall back to sleep without picking him up (unless he's really upset, of course) or giving him his binkie. I have to get up at least 10 times a night to give this little guy his pacifier, and he can't yet pick it up for himself... so he's got to learn another way of falling back to sleep. Part of me hopes he just sleeps until his feeding at 3 or 4, and the other part of me knows that we've got to learn this.

My sister has Shoghi in her room for the next few nights. I expect that we're all going to be hurtin' for several days as Max learns this new skill. Our doula-turned-babysitter is going on vacation, so we're going to work on Max, and then take a break, working on Shoghi more intently after E comes back. Meanwhile, I'll be using the gentler techniques with Shoghi to hopefully get him closer. He's going to be the really hard one, I just know it.

April posted a comment, asking for advice about her baby who wouldn't nap except for on her. Boy, that's a hard one. I haven't really had this problem, because my boys have never had the chance to get used to this. But I have to tell you, swaddling works wonders for us. I continue to swaddle the boys for all sleep except in the car, and that wrapped feeling allows me to put them down without waking them. I'd definitely try that. I also used a Kangaroo Korner fleece pouch to get them to sleep sometimes, and could often manage to keep them in the pouch but lift it off and keep them somewhat wrapped up. Maybe these strategies could help. If I think of anything else, I'll surely post about it.

I'd love to be able to take the time to share some of the things I've read with you. I've been doing a lot of skimming through parenting books of late, and boy, there's a lot of useless crap out there. A lot of information on stuff like ages and stages that doesn't give any strategy, or focuses mostly on the newborn stage. In fact, I haven't yet found a really good twin parenting book that doesn't seem to totally minimize the challenges. It would be fun to be able to take some time and write a good old essay about this... but I just don't have the time right now. I'm thinking, though, that I should find some way to write a book about surviving the first year with twins. Everyone says "just get through the first year and it will get better" but no one tells you how to do that. If you've come across anything, let me know. I'm dying for more help.

I might not be able to post about sleep updates every day... but I might. You never know. This is a very emotional journey for me, and I'm really worn out. Thanks for asking after us, though. It's a relief to know there are so many cheering us on.

The Schedule, Day 3

Today was a day that would likely end this experiment for many people. Truth be told, if I hadn't made the "public" commitment here to see this through for a week, I might have thrown in the towel after today's failure to discern any progress. I will persist, though... I will call on my Finnish SISU and get through this week with tenacity of purpose.

I have seen no progress or change in sleep behavior of my darling babies. This is exhausting and I daresay a little demoralizing. Shoghi had three 30 minute naps today, while Max had two naps - one was 30 minutes, and the other was 90, but involved 20 minutes of bouncing mid-nap and I had to hold him for a half an hour to keep him asleep. Clearly, this is not sustainable. They were up several times during the night and woke for the day at 6.

Oh, and just now? A Pyrex baking dish just exploded in our oven. With unset brownie mix in it. So much for comfort food after a shitty few days, huh? sigh.

goings on

We've been a little busy, over here. things have continued to be rather challenging with the boys, so as of yesterday, everything came to a screeching halt as I instituted a Schedule. Here's what I've committed myself to for a week, to see how it goes:

• morning wake-up
• awake for 3 hours, then nap for minimum of one hour
• awake for 3-3.5 hours, then nap for 1-2 hours
• awake until bedtime
• sleep in cribs (yes, part of my plan is for them to sleep in their new cribs)
• upon waking, transfer to bed (hopefully without bouncing back to sleep)
• one middle-of-the-night bottle (usually around 4)
• sleep so that total bedtime is between 11 and13 hours (sleep about 11 hrs)

seems simple, right?

Day 1 was yesterday, and it went really well... but then, Day 1 usually goes well.

We had morning naps of an hour, though I had to bounce Max, my 30-minute napper, back to sleep. We had an afternoon nap lasting 2 hours, though admittedly, it was in the car. And bedtime lasted from 7:30pm to 7:50am, with a bottle at 4:50am, though Shoghi was up multiple times, requiring me to bounce him back to sleep three times.

Today is Day 2, and Max wouldn't go back to sleep after his 30-minute morning nap, despite being up for three hours, and me & Laurie both trying to get him back to sleep. I'm skeptical abut my chances for success already.

I'm actually going to talk to a sleep consultant on Monday. I'm ok with investing time in sleep training, and know pur changes must be gradual since I'm not willing to let them cry it out. I just need a Plan, and some level of confidence that we can succeed.

Meanwhile, we continue to grow teeth, roll, crawl, love books, love playsilk time, enjoy the exersaucer, and love, love, love our solid foods. We've introduced pears, rice, banana, oatmeal, sweet potato, butternut squash, broccoli, beets, and mango. So far they like them all, with the following exceptions: Max doesn't like beets, and Shoghi doesn't care for broccoli.

It's 60* today, so we're headed out for a stroll on Hawthorne!

s's two little teeth

shoghi

the boys playing on the floor

a little pig pile

monday roundup

5 months, one day old.

I'm taking a cue from this mama, and am throwing aside all my grand ideas of a big, eloquent catch-up post.

• the blossoming has begun. i have always felt like being with babies starting at about 2-3 months old was like watching a flower slowly open, and my own boys have really begun this process of unfolding. it was a major reason i have wanted to have children myself - to be a part of this magical becoming-a-person. i am so thrilled to watch and participate in this with maxwell and shoghi.
  

they are so much more in tune to the world, imitate facial expressions and sounds, grab and grasp at objects and now bring these objects to their mouths. it's magical every day (even when it's not, lol).

swatchy came with us on vacation, thanks to laurie, who sent him to us via UPS!

• laughter has descended on our little family! max uttered his first delighted giggle on 12/26 for me, while we were visiting my grandma & grandpa, and then shoghi first laughed for his memere on 12/26 while she was playing with him. did you know that the navajo have a first laugh ceremony?? how wonderful!
• along with laughter, the boys have really started to love using their voices. they love to screech, gurgle, and make all kinds of other undefinable sounds. it's so much fun!
  
• the boys hit their FIVE MONTH BIRTHDAY on 1/8, and to give proper fanfare for the date, they both spent the evening rolling over! it was max's first time, and shoghi's rediscovery of this skill he first played with a few months ago. shoghi is making all the moves towards (gasp) crawling, and max isn't far behind. they're both rising way up at a 90* angle during tummy time.
  
• this week, they also discovered each other. what a joy! they look at each other now, and shoghi was even laughing at max yesterday. i'm just so excited to watch their relationship develop.

• sleep - dare i mention sleep? well, it changes a LOT, but for the most part, they're sleeping from 9pm until about 9am, with 2 wake-ups in between. we start the night with them each sleeping in a car seat (they sleep in them because it's easy to move them upstairs when i go to bed, and because they used to hate them so much, i figured it would be a good idea to get the twins used to being in them). when they wake up (if they wake up), i bring them into bed after feeding them. then we get us somewhere between 5 and 7am for the next feeding, and then go back to sleep until 8 or 9. there is a lot of variability, including sometimes several nights in a row of much reduced sleep, but this is the general picture.

• nursing. sigh. nursing is my biggest success and my biggest failure. it's the thing i will have to heal from, in much the same way that many women process and heal after trying for a vaginal birth and end up having a c-section, i suppose. let's just say for now that i persist, giving both boys lact-aids when i can, bottles when i have to, and shoghi nurses throughout the night. it has been a very challenging and disappointing journey for me... a seperate post is certainly warrented for this subject. i don't plan to start any solid foods until after they are 6 months adjusted age (2 months from now), so this current setup will continue to be our strategy for a while.

so, that's about it! did i miss anything? lmk in comments and i'll address it in the next post.
love to all,
celeste.

everything is easy, part 1

Here I am, with my reporting of traveling cross-country with 4-month old twins. I’m trying to squeeze this in between all the busy-ness of caring for the boys, so forgive if it’s not well thought-out. Also, I didn’t take any photos while we were traveling, sorry!

First, I will admit that I’m a “Secret” junkie, and this did inform my approach to the trip. A couple of years ago, I was coached to approach my day with mantras like “the sun is shining and the grass is green” and “everything is easy.” The latter has stuck with me, and it is what I reach for when I do things that, from the outside, might seem insane. Like traveling alone with my twins.

For starters, I got a fast-moving stomach flu the day before we were set to travel. Because of this, and because I didn’t know whether the boys would get sick or not, I first thought I would have to travel on a different day, but in the end, I just missed my 6am flight out. To make a long story a little shorter, I ended up traveling on the same day as planned, but we got on a 2pm flight instead. Because things were less than ideal, I started in on my mantra…. Everything is easy…. Everything is easy…. Everything is easy.

Our friend and doula, E, came with much grace with us to the airport, and thank heavens she was able to. I can’t imagine how I would have gotten my luggage into the airport, as I had to carry one baby in a carrier, push the other in the car seat snap-and-go stroller, and also push the luggage cart, bearing two large suitcases and, two car seat bases, and the second car seat. We got into the airport, checked the bags, and then found out that E would not be allowed (by the airline) a pass to accompany me to the gate – something I had been assured was standard practice by both the airline and the Portland airport prior to our travel date. Point of Advice #1 – I learned this from a blog I used to follow (Better Make it a Double) – when traveling with young twins, dress them especially cutely – you will attract positive attention and assistance. We parted ways at the security check, where I was met by our first angel, a TSA agent who brought us aside to a much shorter line and helped me get all the gear (2 diaper bags, 2 blankets, fleece suits for both of the boys, my winter coat) out of the stroller, get the stroller and the car seat and my shoes and the baby carrier onto the conveyer belt, and the get through the metal detector (holding both boys). Point of Advice #2 – You may think you need to bring 2 diaper bags, but try not to. You’ll be surprised by the amount of stuff you never have to touch. Nice to Know #1 – I brought a full day supply of expressed (donated) breastmilk with me. I had read on the TSA website that this would not be tested, nor would I have to taste it for the agents as long as I separated it from my other items at Security. This proved to be true – I had no problem carrying this liquid with me. So, anyway, with the help of this very sweet and loving woman, I made it through Security, repacked my stuff, and went to the gate.

At the gate, I went up to the counter and told the airline rep my situation (traveling alone with twins) and that I would definitely need someone to help me get both babies on board. This woman was so kind – she actually left the counter in her quiet moments and came and sat with me in the gate area, even giving one of the boys a bottle. She helped me onto the plane before boarding any other passengers, and went as far as looking up the passenger who was supposed to sit next to us and assigned him another seat (with his permission), giving us the whole row. What a kind and wonderful woman! Everything is easy!

On the plane, we had the serendipitous luck of being seated across the aisle from a mom traveling with her nine-year-old fraternal twin boys. She was nostalgic about having twin babies and was eager to help me. She ended up holding either one of the boys for that whole flight! Her boys were totally charmed at the thought of themselves as Max and Shoghi. We managed to anticipate their needs and honestly, there wasn’t even a full two minutes of crying in the whole 6 hours we were on that plane.

The other thing that happened on that flight was a departure delay, for which passengers were allowed to get off the plane. Because the people sitting behind me had paid us friendly attention when they boarded, I asked them to buy me a sandwich when they got off to get some food. Thank God I did – that would be the last food I would eat for more than 12 hours (it was also the first food I’d eaten in 36 hours because of that flu!). Point of Advice #3 – Say YES! Traveling with twins gives one many opportunities to exercise trust in humanity. I was lucky to always be offered help, so I didn’t have to ask strangers for assistance, but by saying yes and finding small things they actually could do to help me, the trip was much, much easier. I had people to hold babies, get me food, and watch a twin while I went to the washroom. The last was probably the scariest – trusting people with the babies in my absence – but because I had connected with multiple people, I could feel comfortable that the group was actually watching out for the baby… and on a plane, where’s anyone going to go, anyway? Nice to Know #2 – neither of the airplanes I flew on had changing tables in the airplane lavatories. This was a complete shock to me. I had to change a messy diaper right on my seat! Point of Advice #4 – put your babies in overnight disposable diapers in case you end up stuck on a plane and can’t change them!

And so, even though we were delayed on the plane for over an hour, and the flight itself took nearly 6, the first leg of our trip was remarkably successful. Even the flight attendant was fabulous - when we got in late to Chicago, she came with me herself to the next gate, allowing me to take the staff elevator to save some time getting to the other terminal. We were surrounded by lovely, truly helpful people, and even with the mishaps (not having E at the gate with me, flight delay), everything was easy!

It's almost 10:30pm, and I still have to get things ready for bed (the boys are mercifully sleeping right now), so I should go. I'll come back another time with Part 2, in which I end up stranded in Chicago overnight with my small baby boys...

answers and photos

thanks for the emails & comments on that last post!! they all mean so much to me. here's an attempt at responding to some:

CNH - hi Chantel! I've been watching your blog w/rapt interest!! I can't believe your LOs are scooting around already. That prayer is excerpted from a prayer here... I'm sure quoting it is fine - I forgot to source it when I posted. I'd love to read your take on it, given the differences in our situations. Thanks to Jennie for posting the link.

MKW emailed me w/ this empathetic thought: As for full-time nursing and cloth diapers... I hope you not setting the bar too high that failure, of some sort, is immanent. And you're left feeling depressed, and frazzled to the bone and defeated. I fully believe in nursing and did both boys for about 7 mos., but I also knew I was a better mom for being able to bottle/formula supplement and leave them and regroup with time out with J or friends and come back to them anew. Full-time nursing is a draining anchor. And yes, it's great for the babies, but you need to watch yourself along the way and protect your sanity, because THAT'S what will be best for the babies and you. You will be close and loved by them because of who you are, how much you wanted them in your life and how much you love them everyday, they'll never measure your love by whether or not you used disposable diapers, bottles, or breastfed them every meal. Choose your battles... and in this case how much you're weighing down an already very demanding daily job of love.

I wanted to share this with you all because this is something I think and talk about often. And I agree with what you wrote, M.

I am using cloth diapers part time - mostly during the day. I think w/ the next size of diapers, I'll be able to use them at night, too, but really, I don't push myself on this subject. Right now, K is doing virtually all of our laundry, and I just don't know how it will be when I'm doing it myself. I plan to do it as I can and won't worry about it when I can't. I'll be using prefolds during the day only, and fuzzybuns as much as possible, for those who are interested in knowing. ;o)

As far as breastfeeding goes, I persevere because I can, and because I simply want to. I want that relationship with them both. I want that nutrition and all those benefits for them... but don't think that I am going to play hardball w/this either. Anyone who knows me will know that I'm just not an all-or-nothing person, sometimes to a fault. In this case it just means that I'm going to continue to perservere and see how close to exclusive I can get in nursing. I'd like to know that my supply is sufficient to feed them both, but given the demands of twins, I'm pretty sure that I'll always be ok with offering the occasional bottle. And if I get to a point where I feel like my supply is good enough without being 100%, I'm ok with that too. I just feel like, for now, I'm on the path, and I'm ok with this being a process.

A while ago, Megan asked me in comments about the amount of supplement I am giving the boys. I responded there, but I wonder if she checked in. I just wanted to make sure that you know your question wasn't ignored. This week, I think I'm down to about 22oz a day, combined. Still a long way to go.

Finally, thx to Maylily for the email & all you others who send love & encouragement... Your words make this easier.

Here, some new pix - all by Amy - & a video of Shoghi finally having some happy time:

笑一个... SMILE!

Monday, November 10th was the big day - Maxwell was the first to grace us with a whole morning of delightful smiles. Here he is today - we finally got it on camera!

le sigh, le progress, le bye-bye

We interrupt your regularly scheduled blog updates to bring you this special report...

first:

On the same day as the boys' "sister"/housemate Ruby got her first haircut, I was crushed to discover that Maxwell is starting to lose his own beautiful newborn locks. His soft, fine red hair is falling out! I'm just so sad - I am really hoping Shoghi's will stay fully planted on his head.

Max, in the hospital, when I first suspected red hair...
Max's bald spot... a sign of impending shiny head?

second:

Tonight I felt completely elated when my champion nurser Shoghi refused to take a bottle. There could be no mistake - he let loose his most resounding cries while Laurie tried to soothe him, and he would only calm down when I came back to take him to nurse! Poor Laurie - Shoghi's a screamer! I was certainly happy with this turn; in recent days he's been getting increasingly less enthusiastic about the bottle, but an outright refusal? Wow, it was awesome to feel that he's really turning a corner with nursing. Now if only my supply would be enough, even enough for one baby... I'll post a more complete nursing update this week.

third:

After a wonderful visit with my whole family of origin last week, my brother Simon and his girlfirend are leaving in the morning. It was so incredible to have everyone here - our relationships all feel so refreshed and even transformed by the boys. I'm sad that the out of towners are all gone home and will miss their presence and sharing the boys with them daily. I'll also miss their amazing help and support...