remembrances

One year ago today, I was lying in bed pregnant as can be, and was woken by an unnerving sensation that I was leaking fluids. It was one in the morning, and I was 28 weeks pregnant with the twins. I went to the bathroom to confirm my suspicions, then called my midwife who I'd only met twice before. Her calm advice to wait until morning didn't sit well with me - I'd read way too much about twin pregnancy and my experience with perusing dual care with both a homebirth midwife and the department of maternal and fetal medicine at the hospital had brought with it enough sense of caution to heed a late-night warning. With much hesitation and feelings of guilt about waking a friend from precious sleep, I climbed the stairs and called out to Korin. We drove to the hospital, exchanging reassuring thoughts - it was nothing, they'd check me out and I'd be home in a few hours.

Sadly, that wasn't to be. My most terrible, vivid memory from that long night came about an hour after arriving at the hospital - I had just been examined and was still lying on the awful gyn-ey (get it? gurney for ladies? why must we endure dumb humor on top of an already uncomffortable situation??). The doctor was wondering if my water had broken, and was about to do a swab to confirm. And suddenly, horrifyingly, Baby A's bag of waters unmistakenly broke.

Amniotic fluid rushed from me, and with every breath, every sob, continued to flow. I remember lying there, crying uncontrolably, saying to Korin that I felt as if my babies' lives were pouring out of me. The resident who was with us when this happened told me that I would likely deliver the twins within 24 hours. It was truly one of the most grief-filled moments of my life. Twenty-eight weeks, zero days. I knew the risks of delivering that early.

***

Of course, we all know how this story ends. I hope you don't mind as I recall these things here for myself. I haven't given a lot of deliberate attention to the stressful birth of Shoghi and Maxwell, either within myself or here on the blog. I find, though, that now that these hot days of summer are passing by, I am keenly aware of what was going on a year ago. My gratitude for how things turned out is beyond measure. At the moment, though, it felt very precarious, fragile, and uncertain... Since I have never told their birth story, I figure this is a good place as any to start.

(photo by Amy Crawford)

a week for my papa

My mom is arriving today and will be here until Friday, so I figure some sort of daily posting is in order. Dad couldn't come along this time, so this will serve to keep him included.

Actually, I'm just hanging around for now, waiting to be called down for my NST (non stress test) and waiting for the call that her plane has arrived, even though I probably won't see her until about 4pm (it's 12:30 now). So far, it's been a pretty uneventful day.

I'm 31w3d today. I have not shared before that reaching that third day after turning over a new week is a big deal for me - it always makes me feel like the next week marker is most definitely attainable (unless there's an emergency). So today, 32 weeks is feeling close... something I can hardly believe.

Last night I got the idea that I should take a couple of pictures with a tape measure, so that's how we'll start.

Measuring around: 47"! Who ever thought I'd be proud of such a number,
nevermind post a photo of it! Ha!! That's my view of my belly, of course.

The red string is something some of my friends and I did at the beginning of this
pregnancy, to bind the babies to me until their healthy birth.

Fundus measurement: 47cm??? Ok, this is totally inaccurate because I'm standing up,
but this is a measurement from the bottom of my uterus to the top. In a singleton
pregnancy, after 20w, this generally measures 1cm for each week of pregnancy.
47cm at 31w? Probably not. ;o) I should be measuring somewhere around 36cm.

30 minutes

Every other day, I get to have someone take me out of my room in a wheelchair for a half an hour. Precious, precious time to fill my lungs and achy sinuses with fresh air. Here are some photos from Sunday, when Laurie, Korin, and daughter R were all here. Don't tell anyone I was standing!