Saturday, September 19, 2009

recently speechless

I don't know what's wrong with me lately. Posting, both here and on facebook, has felt like a chore - I've been so uninspired, despite the fact that a lot is going on! We've been so busy... perhaps it's just that. Anyway, sorry for being a bad blog-keep.

I'm in a big transition in my personal life, as I've mentioned before. Aside from the constant (and wonderful) evolution of my mama-life, I find myself unsure of my next step professionally. I started a business in the spring, and find myself not wanting to grow it much beyond where it is. Every few months, I get to work with a small group of amazing women entrepreneurs, sharing my knowledge of marketing and coaching them to become clear about their business values and core. This has been a real pleasure, but I thought I would grow this business into a small marketing firm, and now that feels very unappealing. Keeping the business at its current size won't support this family, though.

Maybe this is part of why I haven't been writing here - it's hard to have a professional online presence and then talk about aspects that I find unsatisfying. I'm afraid to come across in a way that would make my friends and clients think I'm not happy about working with them, which isn't true. I am also resistent to the tension between running a business for the love of the work and having to make a certain amount of money. I know other small business owners also struggle with this - wanting the work to be about passion and not about the bottom line. I have owned several micro-businesses in the past, but never had to rely on one as my sole source of income... and I have learned in the past few months that at this point in my life, that tension comes at the detriment of the work.

As a result, I've been working with my wonderful friend and life coach to get clear about what does feel good. Keeping the workshop going but teaching it as a service and as a little extra income feels like a choice with integrity for me. I've been looking at going back to school for a Master's degree, too, and if the finances look like they're going to work, I'll be going back to school in January for a degree that will allow me to teach English as a Second Language in colleges and private institutions both here and abroad. I'm not 100% about this decision yet, but it is evolving as the likely path.

I have found that blogging about life challenges on this particular blog has resulted in anonymous commenters admonishing me for complaining. I have written in other places before during huge transitions, and was amazed to find myself surrounded by support - some of the people who I "met" through that old blog are now my close friends. So to talk about the challenges of motherhood and life here - on a blog about single parenting - and find myself criticized... well, it kind of took the wind out of my sails. I believe in telling the truth - and I believe that it is through being real about the things that challenge us that we can truly connect with other people. I've never shied away from talking about the major tests in my life before, and I think that the story I am telling here for myself and for my children is best told with all the facets of experience intact.

So, there you have it. Hopefully getting it out there that I've been hitting up on this wall will help me break through and actually start writing again.


  1. Every post you write, I love you more! This is wonderful for you Celeste and school sounds like a dreamy path to go on. xo

  2. I can't believe anonymous people would make negative comments on someone's blog - that is freakin' rude! You certainly don't deserve that crap! I hope you don't let them keep you from being you, feeling what you feel and saying whatever you want. It's your blog, you should be able to write whatever you want and feel good about it. That makes me really mad... I'll kick their ask!

    I'm sorry to hear you're pondering some tough career/life decisions. Whatever you decide, I'm sure you'll be good at it. :-)

    Shoghi sure has a lot of hair!! Looks like you guys are enjoying your summer.

  3. Celeste
    I just switched into teaching two sections of ESOL and so far I love it (strangely, more than teaching French). I also spend a few hours a week in the International students office offering support and guidance, I love that too. I think for people who have lived abroad/are globally minded, it's a great chance to make a difference.
    Whoever criticized you is obviously not a very aware/enlightened person and should focus on their own issues!
    Maylily ;)

  4. Thank you Celeste. I really appreciate you being so forthright. us business owners do stuggle so often, and its nice to have someone be real, and question what is going on.

    In addition thank you fo rcontinuing to offer the marketign class. I know it has been a great help for me.


  5. You are such an amazing beeing. You've been so inspiring to me and I want you to know how great it is to read what's going on in your life, share whatever you want, whenever you can! With twins, I don't know how you have the time to write anything, much less the thoughtful, meaningful & conscious posts you freely share.
    I started looking for said comments & realized how much that was taking away from the beauty that is your blog, of an amazing woman who is realizing her lifelong dream! You rock, C!