here we go again

Tonight we resume our Sleep Training Schedule.

I'd been waiting for the Sick to be gone and Teething to subside in order to re-start sleep training, but it has become clear to me that there may never be An Ideal Time, as now the teething continues for both wee ones, the mama and little Shoghi are still not completely well, and Seasonal Allergies have descended on our home. (Actually, the allergies are making me a bit fuzzy today, so this post may come and go in its clarity!) Since my parents are coming to town in just under 2 weeks, it seems critical now that we make some real progress before they arrive. It's nice to have a "deadline." They've been very supportive of me and my process of coming to terms with first putting the boys in cribs, and then deciding that they really did need some direct assistance with learning to fall asleep on their own, so it would be nice if we could display some new skills while they are here. Of course, better sleep will also mean better moods for the boys, and it would certanainly be great to be able to have that be the case while they are here.

Before speaking with our sleep coach, I read and re-read Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West. I have two mama peers who have used this book to help their babies to sleep better, one of whom also has twins. I felt that West's book provided the most realistic and comfortable plan I've seen, with her no-nonsense conclusion that changing your baby's habits may cause some stress and frustration for your babe (resulting in some crying), and maybe more direct and scheduled strategy (aka the Sleep Lady Shuffle) than the approach in No Cry Sleep Solution, which seemed nice but rather amorphous to me. Sleep training might just continue forever if I take (continue to take) such a "gentle" path. Anyway, I know it probably seems like I'm throwing these names and ideas around without much background... I just thought maybe these book names would be helpful to someone else.

Yesterday afternoon, I spent about an hour on the phone with Suzanne, our sleep coach. We went over the recent sleep behavior of both boys, but focused more on Shoghi, who hasn't really started yet. We talked about how much he's eating and when, his temperament, and my anxiety about working with him due to his high-level upsets. She reminded me that he can and does fall asleep in other situations, and that it involved a process of learning how to do that (as in the car. When he was tiny, he would be so upset in the car, and now he is very relaxed and falls asleep so peacefully there). She pointed out that soon enough he will be displaying the same kind of high emotion as a toddler, and I will be parenting through that part of his temperament always. Not that this served to scare me any less, but it helps to be reminded that this is just who he is, and the more I get used to supporting him through his emotions, the better off we'll all be.

Anyway, tonight we begin. Shoghi's crib is being moved into our extra room, and I will sleep in Laurie's room next door, while she takes up residence in my room with Max, who will have a bit of revising to his own sleep routine. Specifically, we're going to stop swaddling him. He's so ready to be done with the swaddle, but sadly, it means re-training him to go to sleep without its comfort. He goes a little nuts with all the freedom, and does a lot of rolling around the crib fussing, not knowing what to do with himself. We decided to train them both at the same time, so that we can all get back to being in the same room as soon as possible. She promises that if I am really consistent with Shoghi for the next 3 nights, we will be most of the way there. She also asked us to hold off making any changes to our napping routine while we're working on nighttime sleep.

Today is the boys' 8-month birthday. It seems special, given their birthday of 8/8/08... but mostly it makes me reflect on how far we've come in those 8 months. God, how could it be such a short, fleeting time that has transformed them from their 3-pound selves into these substantial, thriving, larger-than-life beings? I'm still in utter astonishment that I have been through this metamorphosis from a woman bearing the burden of 15+ years of infertility to a mama of two sons! I was listening to Carolyn Myss yesterday in the car, and she said (extreme paraphrase warning) that when you live in grace you make bold and audacious choices, and wow, this certainly has been the case for me. Choosing my ultimate path to motherhood was surprising, unconventional, and certainly bold and trusting of the powers of God or Universe or whatever you want to call it. And here we are, living my dream. I like to think that, in some way, it was their dream, too.

I am standing on the doorstep to the next phase in my own life - and this one I am less clear about than the last. How am I going to transform my life from what it is now (stay-at-home mom living on quickly depleting savings)? What is my vision of the next phase? The first part came so easily - imagining getting pregnant, quitting my job, moving across the country - but I have yet to become as clear about what's to come. This month's birth anniversary is yet another reminder that it's my job to be clear, to deliberately create the next part of our story. I thought that the arrival of the new Aries moon on 3/26 would afford me some time and inspiration to gain that vision, but I have had neither time nor dramatic new ideas. If anything, I have been overwhelmed yet again, this time by sickness and exhaustion. Yet another experience of motherhood is the lack of time to think. The fog of sleeplessness and the immediacy of need of the babies has me constantly humming, and leaves me feeling cotton-brained when faced with strategizing my/our future.

It's not a bad thing, necessarily. Being in this new place brings to my attention the need to shift my practices, to make time by expanding brief moments of quiet, to make more bold, concentrated visions of what I want. Reflecting on it this way, it seems a very powerful time in my own life... such enormous developmental changes are upon my children and at the same time my own inner world is being shaken down, to be rebuilt on a (hopefully) more solid, cathartic foundation (can there be such a thing?) that could allow me to continue to live in the life-changing grace that has flowed into my life already. Pretty exciting, really.

And so here we are again. Tonight I begin to teach my dear boy, my beautiful, emotive, passionate-about-being-with-mama son to fall asleep on his own. May I be guided to support him in just the right way, may the angels and the Concourse on High, the essence of grace and the mercy of God surround him as he learns. May it be much easier than I expect, and lead to his growth, his well-being, and ultimately, 12 hours of nighttime sleep.

1,000 steps closer

Today I think I can safely say that Max's nighttime sleep training has been a success. He's had 3 nights of sleeping through the night. I give him a "dream feeding" at 3 or 4am, which just means that I pick him up, feed him, and put him back in his crib while still asleep. He's sleeping from about 7:15pm to 6:30am. He has responded so well to our gentle approach, so that now I swaddle him with one arm tucked in, say some little prayers with him, read one story, and lie him down in his crib, tucked up to the side of the crib. He does seem to like resting against the bumper - this was one of the recommendations our sleep coach gave us. He might utter a little fuss or whimper, but I sit with him, singing softly, and he is asleep in under 5 minutes. To say this is a relief is as great an understatement as there could be. I think I could even just leave him to do it himself at this point, but I enjoy that time with him, and I'm still so astonished, it's like watching magic happen before my eyes. I am halfway there.

Daytime sleep is another issue, but I'm not going to worry about that for now. We'll just keep cycling through, offering naps 90-120 minutes after they wake, all day long. Oh, and Max just yesterday began making that dreaded "mmm" noise that is so synonymous with Teething. That's bound to make things interesting.

Now we begin, slowly, with Shoghi. The sleep coach has recommended that while our doula/babysitter is away, we use some of the techniques from No Cry Sleep Solution, getting him used to being in the crib awake, being put down in the crib while still drowsy, and having a couple of minutes before someone rushes in upon his waking. I tried some of this last night. He was so "on" while I was trying to bounce him to sleep, I decided to just put him down rather than try to wrestle with his back arching and looking all around. Well, he was having none of it, I tell you. Shoghi doesn't really get sad - from the time he was born, he has gone from unhappy to SUPREMELY ANGRY in about one breath. Last night was the same. So, then I was trying to hold and console a very angry baby. After that, he would wake up every single time I tried to put him back in the crib until I finally gave him another bottle to calm him down. Bedtime lasted for about an hour or longer, and then he proceeded to wake up frequently until I finally threw in the towel and went to bed with him in tow at about 9:30. It's ok, though... I know I have to get him used to the idea that he's got to wait it out a little. I just hope that 10 days from now, he's more ready than he is now. I'm going to do my best to make sure he is.

In the meanwhile, I'm still not getting any more sleep. Between his wakings and listening to and for Max, prompting myself to get up for dream feedings, and just generally keeping my mama radar up all night, I'm up, clockwatching, at least every hour. Still, I can already say that Max's success makes the money I am spending on sleep training some of the best I've ever spent in my life... and I'm sure it will continue to be as Shoghi comes closer to sleeping all night long, too. I just hope that in the interrim I'm able to shake off the sleepies enough to be the fun and inspired mama I so want to be, at least some of the time. We are doing a lot of afternoon naps in the car these days, just so I can get some down time.

Enjoy your sleep, dear readers!

ps: you might also be interested in reading about our sleep training from my sister's perspective. she wrote about it on her blog here.

The Schedule, Day 2

Is it going to be totally boring for me to give you daily updates on Executing The Schedule? Well, since I might not even be able to post every day, I'm just not going to worry about it. And since this is my first attempt at real discipline in the daily lives of my children, I'll just jot something down when I can, for posterity.

Day 2 wasn't great.

While our day started off really well with a 7:50 wake-up (which is better than the 6am awakenings I've been getting), the Morning Nap was a flop. Shoghi slept for an hour, but when Max woke up after his typical 30 minutes, I couldn't get him back to sleep.

max visiting in shoghi's crib after morning nap.
look at those red cheeks max has. in the middle of all this sleep madness,
i am also trying to figure out if he has a milk allergy.
we've tried him on soy and powdered goat's milk so far...
let me tell you - the smell of digested goat's milk is NASTY.
tomorrow i'm putting him back on soy.
i don't think i gave it enough time on our last go.

So, when they were both up and fed, we immediately packed them into the car so we could go to a little shopping district for a nice walk in the sun, and I needed to go to a bookstore for a little professional research. Unfortunately, even though they'd both been up for less than an hour, they proceeded to fall asleep in the FIVE MINUTE DRIVE to Hawthorne. Sh*t! I was exasperated and uncertain of what to do. We woke them up, thinking (in error) that they would continue to sleep in the stroller.

Two hours later, at the time they should have been getting ready for afternoon nap, we headed home. Guess what happened: Max fell asleep in the car, while Shoghi had a complete meltdown because he was hungry. So, due to the screaming, we drove right home, and then Max woke up (after sleeping for 5 minutes). He slept for a total of 30 minutes again in the afternoon, giving him total daytime naps of an hour. Worse than usual, and of course he was a complete mess until bedtime at 7. Then, Shoghi crashed from all the crying, slept for 20 minutes, and likewise wouldn't go back to sleep after his bottle. For a total of an hour and 20 minutes of napping. The No Cry Sleep Solution says you don't even count a 30 minute nap, so basically, Max didn't nap at all today. How do you think tonight's going to be?

You might think I'm just crazy or stupid for trying to get them on this schedule without doing some CIO (cry it out). Well, like Devon, I agree that there is a difference between fussing and all-out crying, and I can live with fussing. But crying just seems to violate a trust that I believe is between me and my children. They have their own Self - they have volition, they have sovereignty (so beautifully explained in "Everyday Blessings" by Jon & Myla Kabat Zin), and if they are just left to cry, I feel strongly that I am betraying them, even if my motives are ultimately going to "help" them. They can trust only very few people at this point in their lives, and they have to put their entire existence into my hands. They cannot come to me if they are upset; they cannot call to me except by crying. And while crying takes many forms, and I can distinguish between some of them, I know the cry, the language, the message and meaning of their cry if I leave them to do something (fall asleep) they've never had to do on their own (ok, aside from when they were in the NICU. Let's not return to that time, if you please).

Aside from all this falling asleep theory, there's also the whole dilemma of what to do when they wake up. It would be - ok, it will be -nice if they could fall back to sleep by themselves. During the night, though, I find myself empathising with them: we spend the whole day together, so what if they just want a little touch point in the night? Am I going to leave them to cry back to sleep? I don't think so. I know that when I have shared a bed with a partner, I have often rolled over in the night for the sake of taking comfort in that person's presence. Isn't it strange that the adults will be cuddled up while the babies lie alone? Why shouldn't the babies want the same thing we do? Why shouldn't I give that to them freely? Yes, it will invariably mean that I won't sleep as well, but they will not be so small forever, and if they wake up and we settle back down into a family bed, we'll all have room to return to sleep easily, in the comfort of each others presence.

You may find it funny that I can leave this relationship entirely up to other families to evaluate and choose for themselves - I really do understand the pros of CIO sleep training and know that it can sometimes be just a short transition. I worked as a nanny for years and know the ease of putting a baby to bed who has been trained. I also know the rigors of babycare and leave it to the hopefully throughtful discretion of other parents to choose their path without my judgment. I'm not here to say that my way is right - I just want to share my process and try to explain it the best I can. (I'm not a person big on debating politics, if you hadn't guessed that already).

a simple, small ikea crib is what i chose for both boys

So, here I am... on Night Two of The Schedule... we'll see how it goes. Oh, and as I was explaining to my mom tonight, I am envisioning this as a several-tiered process -we establish the schedule, then we see the boys anticipate their naps and nighttime sleep, then we start decreasing the amount of bouncing, then they are laid in their cribs before they are complely asleep, etc. My ultimate goal is to be able to put them both down in their cribs for whatever sleep they are needing, and allow them to fall asleep themselves. I know they can do this. I know I waited a long time to get to this place... but we were living with another family, and then visiting my family, and then in transition in our new home. This is really our first opportunity, and it feels right to do this slowly and deliberately so I can watch the boys and see how they react to each step of transition.

So there you have it. Day 2. Feels like a long way to go.

Edited To Add: I also wanted to be clear that I have not ruled out sleep training that involves CIO, believe it or not. Maybe that's why this is so hard: I'm considering all options. I just feel like this process I have described is the most in line with my beliefs about my relationship with my boys, so I will pursue it as an experiment and see if we can make it work. I've been doing a lot of independent investigation on sleep, reading materials I had previously frowned upon. Just so's you know... And I know some of you will think I'm feeling like I have to defend myself here... no, it's not really that. I just want to do my best in describing how I'm making these big parenting decisions. There is a lot of debate over these philosophies, and it's important to me that I am clear within myself as to how and why I am choosing this course. Make sense?

goings on

We've been a little busy, over here. things have continued to be rather challenging with the boys, so as of yesterday, everything came to a screeching halt as I instituted a Schedule. Here's what I've committed myself to for a week, to see how it goes:

• morning wake-up
• awake for 3 hours, then nap for minimum of one hour
• awake for 3-3.5 hours, then nap for 1-2 hours
• awake until bedtime
• sleep in cribs (yes, part of my plan is for them to sleep in their new cribs)
• upon waking, transfer to bed (hopefully without bouncing back to sleep)
• one middle-of-the-night bottle (usually around 4)
• sleep so that total bedtime is between 11 and13 hours (sleep about 11 hrs)

seems simple, right?

Day 1 was yesterday, and it went really well... but then, Day 1 usually goes well.

We had morning naps of an hour, though I had to bounce Max, my 30-minute napper, back to sleep. We had an afternoon nap lasting 2 hours, though admittedly, it was in the car. And bedtime lasted from 7:30pm to 7:50am, with a bottle at 4:50am, though Shoghi was up multiple times, requiring me to bounce him back to sleep three times.

Today is Day 2, and Max wouldn't go back to sleep after his 30-minute morning nap, despite being up for three hours, and me & Laurie both trying to get him back to sleep. I'm skeptical abut my chances for success already.

I'm actually going to talk to a sleep consultant on Monday. I'm ok with investing time in sleep training, and know pur changes must be gradual since I'm not willing to let them cry it out. I just need a Plan, and some level of confidence that we can succeed.

Meanwhile, we continue to grow teeth, roll, crawl, love books, love playsilk time, enjoy the exersaucer, and love, love, love our solid foods. We've introduced pears, rice, banana, oatmeal, sweet potato, butternut squash, broccoli, beets, and mango. So far they like them all, with the following exceptions: Max doesn't like beets, and Shoghi doesn't care for broccoli.

It's 60* today, so we're headed out for a stroll on Hawthorne!

s's two little teeth

shoghi

the boys playing on the floor

a little pig pile

comfort level

Uncharted territory. Sleep training has introduced me to a new aspect of parenting: allowing (or forcing?) your child to be uncomfortable for the sake of his growth. Last night was our second night of what seems to me to be hard core sleep training, and it really pushed me to the limits of my comfort. It's like walking the edge of the sword, and it hurts. You're constantly evaluating your child, yourself, the situation... and if you're really not sure just how much you'll be able to do, it makes for a very draining experience, because you're not just holding the line - the line is its own living, breathing entity, and you are discovering it minute by minute, breath by breath.

Poor baby had a hard time last night. I am trying to get him to drift off without his binkie and without me bouncing him on the yoga ball. So far, we've already been able to completely eliminate the ball, which is astonishing. The binkie, though, is not so easily cast aside. The problem is, he can't put it back in his mouth. If he could, this wouldn't be an issue. He's been a thumb sucker in the past, and still does occasionally, so I'm to try to get him to think of his thumb, which is monumentally hard to do when he's upset. If I touch him, he thinks I'm going to pick him up, so the fact that I'm trying to guide his hand to his mouth seems very confusing. He has taken a little to sucking on the corner of his satin-edged blanket, but once he reaches a certain level of unhappiness, that's no longer good enough. So, it was an hour of trying to soothe him with my voice, with my hand on his head or chest, giving him his blanket or thumb, my pinkie (which caused further crying when I removed it). Hard stuff. I finally gave him his binkie, which made me feel defeated and like I'd caused him to suffer needlessly, which I don't actually believe, but in the moment, it felt terrible. I remind myself that when we're in the car, he does cry, and he also falls asleep without assistance. This is evidence that he can do this, it's just going to be somewhat uncomfortable. I happen to think it's my job to determine what is uncomfortable and what is distressed and panicking.

Later on in the night, he did really well. When he woke up at 11, I managed to keep myself away, and he only complained a little before finding his thumb and going back to sleep. And at 3 after his bottle, I laid him down so I could bounce Shogh, and he again fell asleep with absolutely no fussing after about five minutes. Pretty damned good. He's also had longer naps, so we're obviously progressing towards better sleep... it's just getting through the initial putting-down that is really testing me.

I think it's just one more way that this journey of raising twins has taken me away from the parenting style I always imagined having. That's not to say that I regret having twins, but there's just no way to form (at least there wasn't for me) in your mind a realistic expectation of attachment parenting for twins vs. a singleton. Even with all my childcare experience, I had no idea what it would be like, and just assumed that I could go on making decisions as I would have with one. Maybe if I had a husband in the picture, it would be different, but I'm not convinced of that, either.

I started off sleeping with the boys in my bed and loved it. It was so joyful, until it was just keeping us all up all night long. I never managed to tandem nurse with any success, and certainly not in bed. Today I'm having a king-sized bed delivered, but wonder if the boys will ever be able to sleep in it with me. Not that this is the absolute end of our journey with sleep, by any means... it just makes me sad to see how far from my ideal we've come. Attachment parenting isn't just where the boys sleep, nor is it about whether or how much they were nursed. It's a far broader concept, and although I don't limit my sense of my parenting style to one philosophy, I am probably closest to this one.

It's not all bad, by the way. During the day, the boys have become so full of life and personality that it's a lot of fun. We're doing a lot of laughing at their funny little antics, their sounds, their learning. Max is all about peek-a-boo, which Shoghi doesn't get in any way. He makes so many funny noises and laughs so easily... Little Mr. Social, he continues to be. Meanwhile, Shoghi is a little roly-poly, covering distance across the room. He's all physical activity: he does little baby sit-ups and crunches, he gets on his hands and knees and rocks back and forth, he rolls all over the place. It's a wonder to behond them, they are so different.

And so we continue... tonight I will not allow as much crying as last, knowing as I do my comfort level with it. Hopefully Max will move closer to figuring out how to calm and soothe himself for the initial to-bed lie-down. I'll keep you posted. Sorry if this post is all jumbled up - I'm pretty sleepy at the moment.

getting there

I'm sitting in a quiet, peaceful house right now, at 7:34pm on a Sunday evening. It's been a quiet, peaceful house for about 20 minutes now, after Maxy boy fell asleep with his bedtime bottle in Auntie's arms, and Shoghi fell asleep on his own, in his crib (I still get a bitter little pang, saying that) after only about 8 minutes of wind-down. Sleep training is going well.

I wanted to wait a few days before posting. Unlike my last attempts at getting one or both of my babies to sleep at night, I felt more protective of the experience, perhaps knowing that this was it: the last baby I was going to have to train, and perhaps the harder one of the two. As it turns out, Shoghi was actually easier to train than Max, much to our deep and delighted surprise. He is taking less time to fall asleep with each passing night, and now it has been three nights already of no wakings between feedings.

Let me repeat that: no wakings between feedings!

Shoghi was waking up every 20 to 40 minutes all night long just a week ago, and now he wakes up twice: once at about 10, and again at 2am, and when I put him back down to sleep after he eats, he is going down with hardly a fuss most of the time. He has been sleeping until 6:30 or 7 in the morning. He wakes up happy.

Meanwhile, Max has maybe had a bit of regression, and falling asleep is a little harder for him right now... but he only wakes once during the night, and I'm already in the process of reducing and eventually eliminating this middle-of-the-night feeding. I hope that by switching his feeding to more like 5am, I will be able to get him to sleep in a bit, because that little guy is waking up for the day between 5 and 6 in the morning... not a welcome hour in any way. They might be sleeping better (let the partying commense!) but I still have to get up to feed them, which means that I am up for about an hour two times between midnight and wakeing for the day. Naps continue to be disasterous (we're starting to work on naps this week), so the chances of mama getting to take a nap during the day are zero.

OK, so now that all that sleep talk is out of the way, sorry for having now photos to share recently! We've had a combination of bad light in the house, busy, busy days, and a little boy Max with terrible, terrible eczema all over his dear face. I broke down and brought him to the doctor this week, where we got this official diagnosis. Since I've already switched him from milk to soy-based formula, and goat is NOT an option I am going to entertain, I think the eczema stemming from an allergy is probably not likely. Poor little nugget. It's getting better, though. I'll be able to post some new pics soon, but if you need a fix now, you can click over to my sister's blog, where she's also got a post up about sleep training, and has a bunch of gorgeous pictures of the boys. OK, I have to steal one of them, simply because I think it's such a fabulous shot of Maxy:

I have to say, life with the boys right now is, with the exception of our chaotic napping "schedule", really fun. They are opening up so much, and are exploring our toys and living room with great attention. This means I can step away sometimes for a minute or two for the first time since they were teeny tiny... if I could even do that then. They are also all over each other, which at first was pretty dangerous, what with all the reaching for the ears and eyes, but now they seem to have figured it out a little more and are remarkably gentle with each other. Still, mama has to keep a watchful eye because of course they don't really know what they're doing, and are likely to try to teethe on the others foot or head or something.

Their antics have become funnier and more delightful, too... Shoghi with his crazy poses and gymnast-like body, and Max with his own verbal acrobatics - they make us laugh all day long, as long as we are present enough to the moment to realize what they are doing. The minutes and hours are so packed full of need, and that need can be so exhausting that we do need to be brought to attention many times a day. Maybe I shouldn't say "we" - maybe I should just say "I need to be brought to attention many times a day". I am one tired lady! Auntie is usually my call to the moment - I will be sitting on the floor or doing something in the kitchen, and her laughter will break through and bring me to find Shoghi balancing on the toes of one foot and his hand, with the other arm up in the air and other leg kicked out in front, or she will call me to hear Max's new "th" sound or his funny "deet" or "gook" noises.

It's nice to realize that things have changed, and in some ways are easier now. We were really having a tough time of it for a few months, with a lot of constant fussing. I really do love this stage of babyhood, love watching them discover and learn and comprehend what we have so thoughtfully and deliberately placed around them as their early learning experiences.

This week, we'll be working hard on breaking the 30-minute nap cycle that has me going a bit batty. I'll keep you posted on how that goes, as well as maybe give you the long, long overdue nursing/eating post I have been meaning to do for months, now. Until then, sleep well, fair friends!

bedtime

this week, max made it clear to me that he no longer was willing to go to sleep in his crib - instead, he tearfully insisted on going to bed in my bed.

max sleeps in my room, his crib next to my bed, while shoghi has his own room. this arrangement happened during last year's sleep training, and a later failed attempt at putting them in that room together in the fall. they just wake each other up too much to be sleeping in the same room.

so, every night at 11 or 12, max wakes up and i pull him into bed with me. do i have conflicted feelings about getting this extra daily snuggle time with only one of my boys? yes. i have to remind myself daily that this is a thoughtful choice, based on what each of them shows me he needs. and the fact that we don't have another room to offer max for a room of his own.

he has been so completely *joyful* at getting to go to sleep in the big bed, it takes him a little extra time to settle down, and the added difference is that during this transition, i am having to lay down beside him to get him to relax and go to sleep. i imagine after a few more days of adjustment i will edge my way closer to the door each night so we can get back to him falling asleep on his own. honestly, this came up so quickly, i didn't even do any reading about transitioning into beds - i don't really know how else to do it.

since the bed is on the floor, i haven't had rails, and it seems to be working to box him in with the body pillow so i actually have room to lie down on the outside of the bed by the time i go to sleep.

what a big change! i had imagined at one time that we three would all sleep in the same bed, but now with new developments in him rolling all over the bed at night, i seriously don't know how people sleep with more than one kid in the family bed. he and i are in a king, and i am being pushed off the bed nightly!

stalled

Sorry for another incident of Mama MIA. You can probably safely assume that if I suddenly stop posting, something "bad" (but not catastrophic) has happened, and I can't think of anything good to say. I struggle with that here on the old blog, as you know. On one hand, I want to say it like it is, and on the other, I just can't stand to feel like post after post I'm just whining about my life, you know?

So anyway, after my big "yay, we've succeeded" post, things went swiftly downhill, as the boys and my sister all got a stomach virus and I got a respiratory virus. Sis got better swiftly, but the boys remained sick for 6 days, and then progressed to the respiratory thing, which the 3 of us still have. I haven't been sick for this long (8 days, now) for a very long time... in fact, I don't think ever. I guess the lack of sleep has broken me down a bit.

Max's sleep really went downhill with his illness, but now he's doing better, and is back to pretty much sleeping through the night. I still give him an early morning feeding, and the little guys are still waking me up between 5:15 and 6 in the morning for the day, but at least he's doing better overall. I was certainly afraid that all the progress I had made with him would be lost with an interruption coming so soon after sleep training.

Shoghi is still co-sleeping with me, although he's doing a little better, too, despite not having any real training to speak of. He's started being able to go back to sleep if I just lie next to him some of the time, rather than having to get him up and bounce him back to sleep on the yoga ball. Some nights he's actually sleeping for a few hours at a stretch without nursing, which is a dramatic improvement.

The incredible thing about this time is that there's so much dramatic change happening, all the time. They're making moves toward being able to sit up completely unassisted, Max has started making a symphony of hilarious consonant sounds, while Shoghi is the master of his musculature, rolling, jumping in the exersaucer, shaking his head, and crossing rooms with his funny hop/crawl moves. Really, it's lovely. I'll talk more about this soon. For now, I've got to get in a little down time and then head off to bed. Here are a couple of recent photos:

Happy Maxy

Shoghi leafing through one of the favorite books.
Both boys love photos of baby faces right now.

Max sitting up in the boppy.

I love this photo - it's a very typical moment in our day.

january, a month of constant vigilence

January has been quite a month! The boys are both now solidly walking, talking up a storm, and signing quite a lot! We endured two rounds of colds, our first case of impetigo, and the emergence of 6 out of our 8 canines (Max still hasn't hatched his bottom two). This has led to extreme sleep disturbances, and an average of 4 hours a night of sleep for me, as I spent my nights shuttling between my unhappy boys. For the first time in a very long time, I actually had to enlist my sister's help during the night on at least two occasions. By the end of the month, it also became clear that it was time to try reducing to one nap a day - we're still in the throes of that transition.

some beautiful weather this month meant a lot of time outside.
shoghi discovers soil for the first time.

the emotional needs of toddlers can be so intense. thank god i'm in the habit of babywearing. i honestly don't know what i would do without my carriers.

This was our third month since our dear Emilia retired from caring for my boys in order to welcome her own sweet baby. To say I've missed her is an extreme under-statement; in short, the household fell into complete disorder, I had to close Bamboo Village Press and completely abandon my other brand new business Good Karma Marketing. If you are one of the many friends or family who has emailed, commented, left voicemail, or sent a message via facebook, you may suspect that I have been ignoring you - in reality, I just haven't had any time. I haven't listened to voicemail for about two weeks, to be honest. I guess I'm a little shut down these days.

This month, I was inspired by several of my mama-of-multiple friends and a visit to All Roads Montessori School to give the boys more opportunities to participate in learning about daily life. Miriam is a mom of triplet girls who sent me a very helpful intro to setting up the house in Montessori-style, following a visit from my friend Jolene who planted the idea that I could use this method at home.

we took these lights down and the boys were both so fascinated, i decided to put them in a basket on the shelf. they carry the basket to the table and i plug them in. we've talked a lot about colors this month, so this activity was a good match.

These inspirations have mostly involved changes in mealtime and cycles of activity. I've deliberately refrained from using the word "help" when we're tidying up or doing other chores - I want them to get a sense that it's just a part of the day, and that they are responsible participants, not helpers. I've capitalized on their obsession with sweeping and vacuuming to make these a part of completing meal times and activities involving messy play (like rice or bean play).

any excuse to sweep
much fighting ensues over whose turn it is with the broom. i hope to get two child-sized brooms this month

Jen described in a recent post how she does meals with her twins. Until that time, I'd been resigning myself to the bowl-hurling, and had convinced myself that they weren't ready for dishes - for the most part, I was putting their food right on the table, which seemed logical after they both graduated from highchairs with trays back in December. Then I started serving them on those plastic plates with little divided sections, and they LOVED it.


At the same time, I realized that this was going to require me to be at the table with them at all times, not preparing each different dinner item as the meal progressed (i.e. as they rejected the last thing). They both really love seeing all their food at once, and generally go for the fruit first, but don't complain when it's done. I did a lot of praising - basically a running commentary of "wow! Max is keeping his plate on the table!" and "Shoghi, I love how you're eating with your spoon!"

All of this work has yielded real fruits: we have very little food throwing, and virtually no plates end up on the floor anymore (wish I could say the same about spoons and forks, but you gotta start somewhere, right?). I do preempt the throwing, though... if I see them gearing up, I say "oh, it looks like you're done. Let's move your plate" or something along those lines. I also tell them that I'm going to help them to remember how to do something, rather than just taking it away.

messy baby/clean baby.
some things never change!

In celebration of this amazing mealtime transformation, and after visiting the Montessori school, I got some small ceramic plates and cups from Goodwill and that's now what we are using at the table. They seem to love their open cups, and like watching me pour their milk (which I give about a tablespoon at a time).

our new place settings

The other major change has been that I basically follow them around now during their active time, and draw their attention back when they're finishing an activity. I tell them that I see they're finished with it, and tell them that we'll put it back on the shelf. I didn't really think they were even hearing me, but last Monday at the doctor's office, I told them we were going to put the toys away before leaving the exam room, and Shoghi actually picked up a toy and put it away! I was so shocked and excited!

In a similar vein, Max has learned to pick up his juice cup or any snacks he has (intentionally) dropped onto the floor from their small table (which I use for snacks) and put them back onthe table. He stands there and applauds for himself, which is totally darling.

This constant attention to what they are doing, and my running narrative of what we are doing and how we are finishing, has definitely contributed to my lack of time to get anything done. By the time the boys are in bed and the kitchen is cleaned up, I have just about done everything I can for the day. I watch an hour or so of TV with my sister and then head off to bed, only to be invariably woken an hour or two later to attend to one of the boys... and so it begins again.

In February, I'm counting on better sleep, unless our 2-year molars decide to show up early (there's been a lot of chewing on fingers this week). I will definitely have to do some kind of modified sleep training for Shoghi, who has reverted back to his persistent, angry wakings of a year ago. Plus, I have got to get rid of his nighttime bottle once and for all... and so the story goes.

we discovered planes this month: "A PLANE!!"

I'm glad to leave the stress of January behind, and look forward to this month which will bring a visit from my parents. Be well, Internet friendlies!